30 Posts in 30 Days - Day 30

In the first novel and radio series, a group of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings demand to learn the Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything from the supercomputer, Deep Thought, specially built for this purpose. It takes Deep Thought 7½ million years to compute and check the answer, which turns out to be 42. The Ultimate Question itself is unknown. -- Wikipedia re The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I will be 42 in less than a month.

I thought I would know more than I do at this age. But the longer I live, the more I have learned that the ultimate answer is not necessarily 42. I think it would take me 7 1/2 million years to really understand how the universe works.

Right now I am in a kind of limbo in my life, mainly because of my job (or lack thereof) situation.

Yet another prospect has told me that I "set the bar high" that I was "exceptional" but I was their second choice.

Unfortunately, in my head I had already started the "hope" game. Where I was already strategically figuring out the next steps to be had after getting this job. I was so confident that I had nailed this one. And it was a nearly perfect fit, logistically, financially and career-wise.

I feel proud of how I have been handling this lay off and the job hunt. But I am weary. And my choices in life and career can be laid bare to me at such a time.

At this time of year, with the holidays, with getting another year older...it often becomes a reflective time. Usually the hectic schedule of the holidays and work keep me from being overly melancholy.

Don't get me wrong, part of me is happy that I am going to have this time of year off with my children and family.

But part of me wants the normalcy of routine (not to mention the accomplishment and money) of a job. My job doesn't define me. But it does make me feel more like a contributing member of our family.

Despite the limbo, despite the weariness, I am looking positively at the coming year. Hopefulness will return to me as I look at more prospects in the coming year.

So. 42. Let's see where you take me.