Thursday, February 01, 2018

To my children...

I know things seem tough right now.  Things you think should be easy are not and things that are hard are harder than you thought.  Growing up is hard.  No matter what we have done to prepare you, it is never enough...especially if you see and react to the world differently.  It can seem like an endlessly, rough road.

But.  I know you.  I SEE you.  I know that you will persevere.  I know that the hard knocks will bruise and batter and may make you weary to get back up again.  But you will.

Because you have before.  You have faced adversity before and changed and grown.  You have shown people who did not believe in you that you were not to be underestimated.

Things will get better with practice, experience and time.  Patience is not our strength...but we can work to achieve it while we work harder to obtain our goals.

You.  You are the most valuable resource.  And you will find your way.

Friday, January 19, 2018

Never Normal...

Things are never totally stable in my house...boring is definitely not our thing (well, it CAN be our thing...just not that often).


Last Friday, Willow tried to leave the school. On her own. Without any permission. Because she was depressed. Because she misses Grandma and the world is awful, bad things to happen to people and she has low self esteem and she thinks deep thoughts about death and dying and what things would be like if she was dead. Yes. THAT part was what got the schools attention. So, I left work, picked her up and we all made sure that she wasn't going to be suicidal. She is not. She is depressed and she overwhelmed, hormonal and intellectually growing into her own. Therapist suggests medicine may be the answer for now...and it probably is in the near future...given that Chewy, Michael and other people in the family are on prozac...this is not that surprising. That it is surprising.

But--she is growing and changing. So there is that. I had a meeting at the school today and it looks like we are heading towards 504 territory. Impressions from the meeting: She is smart, likes to think deep thoughts; loves to read--even when she should be paying attention to teacher and classroom; she says I am her best friend. So. I guess I will take this as a positive meeting and hopeful progress towards helping her out.


Michael had his first (short) week of school this week--and showed last night the first signs of some anxiety about the course load. Basically, that feeling you get at a new job, or when you see your school syllabuses the first time--that feeling time 10 for Michael. He should be fine, he just has to take it one step at a time. This weekend is buying text book time!


This weekend is also the first rehearsal for the Northeastern Treble Chorus that Willow is so excited to be a part of...kinda makes the weekend a bit more hectic....

Thursday, January 04, 2018

Old Year Poem

Burning the Old Year

Letters swallow themselves in seconds.
Notes friends tied to the doorknob,
transparent scarlet paper,
sizzle like moth wings,
marry the air.

So much of any year is flammable,
lists of vegetables, partial poems.
Orange swirling flame of days,
so little is a stone.

Where there was something and suddenly isn’t,
an absence shouts, celebrates, leaves a space.
I begin again with the smallest numbers.

Quick dance, shuffle of losses and leaves,
only the things I didn’t do
crackle after the blazing dies.

-Naomi Shihab Nye

Monday, December 25, 2017

Christmas time is....Here!

It's here...and Willow asked to help with Santa stuff...and her comment:  "(yawn)...this is kinda boring..."  I did regale her with tales of toy assembly past...but this was pretty simple.  And, of course, Santa had some surprises left for Willow once she finally went to sleep..

Before then, Christmas Eve was spent with friends and family...first at a non-brunch brunch...and then at our old Japanese steakhouse....Birthday cake was served!

Then home for presents.  Michael gave me a wonderful present of a framed drawing he made for his drawing class this year!

Now for pictures!

Willow and cousins:

At the Japanese steakhouse...plum wine and yummy food...and surprise bday cake!

And home...Michael's gift wrapped for me...and other gifts...

Michael had an adventure getting this drawing framed and wrapped.  While wrapping it on Saturday...the glass broke on his first a scramble back to the store with Dad...and sympathetic store clerks letting him use their wrapping paper later...this is what I came home to after the steakhouse.

Michael got Willow a Star Wars figure!

Michael got Brad a Pulp Fiction figure!

We got Michael Rocket Racoon (from Guardians of the Galaxy) pjs and a Rick and Morty game.

Michael's drawing! (I hope he got an "A" for it!) (Done in charcoal)

Christmas morning!!

This morning!  (Michael in his Rocket Racoon pjs)

A requested video game!

More things to read!

A Meesick! 

Warhammer figures!

A mini Guitar!

A Dragon hoodie (its Toothless and it has a tail!)

Thursday, December 07, 2017

Things I haven't done yet...

Things I haven't had the chance of doing yet or been prevented from doing:

  • See my son's presentation on Rabies for his biology class...  (Oh come on...this is SO something I would like to see!)  Like a lot of things with Michael, he plays things close to his chest.  I have only heard of this project, which I believe he had to come up with a theory and a way to prove it...and he picked something to do with Rabies.  Sometimes he is SO like me--but yet...won't let me SEE!!  :-)
  • A good nights sleep has eluded me for about a week...having a very bad cold, combined with other stressors in my life...just not happening.  Hoping to get some rest this weekend?
  • Going to the fitness Boxing place, now that I have signed up for a year!  I tried the Friday after Thanksgiving--the mall they were in was closed off with firetrucks.  Been too busy or too sick to go since then (they have limited times for classes too, which is a challenge).  Hope to go this Sunday...hopefully the weather, my sickness and my alarm clock will help me to do so!
  • Filling up my holiday cards--helps if you actually have them....they are being shipped soon!

Saturday, December 02, 2017

Decorations Ahoy!

New ornaments this year.

The trick in getting him to smile...talking with him and not looking like you are taking a picture...

I cannot ever get a good picture of the tree...we don't have a picture worthy tree...its better in person...lots of cool ornaments...

Friday, December 01, 2017

So, it cannot be denied...December is upon us!

2017 is almost over and as usual, I marvel at how quickly winter turned to spring turned to summer turned to fall turned to....well, winter is not quite here--but December is!   The end of the year--the beginning of a new one just around the corner...the celebrations, the expectations...the melancholy and nostalgia. 

I find as an adult, once Halloween is over, I am loathe to admit that the next holidays are coming...that the end of the year is near, that Thanksgiving is barely a blip before the festivities, mayhem and JOY spill out onto December, like a calendar of the whole year vomiting up before me.

So.  Just before you think me a humbug or a really is just me dragging my feet away from this year and trying to "stay at the pool a little longer" and enjoy this year...THIS time...before the seasons take over all senses. 

Two nights ago, Willow asked if I was excited...I said, "Well, it isn't even December yet!"  I will wait until then! 

This weekend we will put the decorations up...I will start looking forward to making Grammie's Fudge...and I will even start playing Christmas music!  Hanukkah is early this, I have to get my Holiday Groove on quick....But I will, just like a vacationer having to come back from vacation and go back to the normal routine...I will fully embrace December/Christmas/Hanukkah/End of Year/Birthday. 


(BTW---I already have 95% of my holiday shopping done...I may drag my feet when it comes to the seasons...but not when getting presents for people I of my favorite things about this season!)

To my children...

I know things seem tough right now.  Things you think should be easy are not and things that are hard are harder than you thought.  Growing ...