Hands

I see her hands on my computer screen. Holding the little block that says “2”. They are stubby and there are traces of dirt under the nails. There are rubbings along the bottoms of the nail bed, probably where she scrapped herself while playing roughly.

My hands, as they type from the keyboard. A bit dry, uneven nails (yes, I still bite them occasionally). An impression of a wedding ring (at the jewelers getting repaired). Fingers long, not unlike

my son’s hands which are always in motion. His fingers always have been long and delicate, now they are often dry. Often reflecting his perpetual motion and energy, they get scrapped and cracked, but with some care (and lotion) they become shadow bunnies and owls and elephants in the flashlight he shines for her.

Her hands haunt me. Gnarled by arthritis, too white and blue with age, often baking cakes or making me tuna fish sandwiches, sometimes getting nipped by the squirrels she would feed peanuts to outside her back porch. My daughter will not know her, but she will know of her—the woman who she shares a middle name with.

A great Post on Being a Parent...

By Serenity.

Parade and Ice Cream

Since it was Patriot's Day today, we went to a Parade in Lexington. Here is some video:



Willow was very excited and enjoyed the fire trucks and the drums. She was unsure about the giant Scooby Doo that came by and clowns. She was especially happy with her Spongebob Balloon.

Michael kept asking how long the parade was going to be, and he was anxious for Willow, making sure that she did not run off and get trampled by horses or anything. He ended up liking the parade, although he was also glad to go so that he could get...ice cream!


Willow got strawberry ice cream; Michael got cotton candy with gummies mixed in.


(I got a Mango-Banana smoothy)

Perfect Moment Monday

Moment #1: She wakes up from her nap in a stroller--before her is a street with people milling about. The parade starts soon and she has no idea what she is in for. But she is happy for the Spongebob Ballon given to her. And, as the parade passes her by for the first time (that she is aware of), she is amazed and stunned--and then she starts to wave the flag given to her and she warms into a little girl who not only loves a parade but waves and says "HELLO!" to all who pass her by. (She even has no problems with the LOUD fire trucks and noises!)

Moment #2: We are at a museum to see an exhibit on Jim Henson. He is not only excited, but he is watching his sister's excitement too. He grabs her so she can see some Fraggles (and Bert and Ernie) and he is the first one to show her almost everything in the exhibit. Ready to show her the world.

More Perfect Moments Here.

A Great Bunch of Women...

While correspondence can be just words on a page, it can have so much more meaning than that.

I remember my first pen pal. I was 3 or 4 years old and my Grandmother would write to me. It was just letters about the every day happenings in Indiana (I lived in Michigan—a pretty big distance when you are 3—the state “next door”). My mother would read the letters to me and we kept them in my top bureau drawer. As I got older, I would write back to her. But, as I got older and time makes us all rush about with so many daily things…both my Grandmother and I got out of the habit.

When I went away to college, my Grammie (my other grandmother) started to write me. She and I had been living in the same house since I was in high school and being away was rough on both of us. She wrote me every week. I would write back, but not as frequently. Sometimes her letters would include “a little something extra” a couple dollars put between two blank pieces of paper…something a college student could really appreciate. Frankly, looking forward to seeing her “scribbles” every week kept me going through some very tough times. I have saved some of those letters (wish I had saved them all) and looking back at them can even give me comfort now that she is gone.

After college, I moved 800 miles away. Grammie continued to write to me, but as age and several strokes finally slowed her down…she could not write as often or as much (often apologizing in the letters about how awful her “scribbles” were). When we were cleaning out here room at the nursing home after she died, I found several partially started letters to me.

This is all to say that I value and understand the power of letter writing. And while I don’t often do it as often as I should, I am proud that the Braces Bunch is there to fufill that need. That every so often, I open my mailbox and find a little reminder of the past, as well as a friendship of the present and future.

Thank you JJ for founding a great Bunch of women who correspond and comfort, who write not because they have to, but because they want to. Because we all need to be able to reach out and be there for someone else.

Tomorrow marks the THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of the Braces Bunch!

Hugs and Their Meanings

A few nights ago, it seems Willow had a nightmare. Well, that is speculation, but the thing is, she wanted to have “mommy!” So, she snuggled up to me in our bed and fell asleep for another ½ hour (which, when you are a sleep deprived parent—you get what you can). As she lay in bed with me, she took her arm and purposely hugged my neck and smooshed my face into her chin. Uncomfortable for me, but obviously comforting for her.

She also takes to hugging my legs during the evenings. Usually the scenario is that I am making dinner or putting away dishes. And she comes up and takes a hold of that leg for dear life. As though to say “Hey, here I am! Why are you doing ANYTHING but hanging out with ME!?” It is a playful hug, usually it is a prelude to Willow crawling/crouching beneath and around my legs, around and around and around. (And yes, I do sometimes get dinner going with a toddler around my leg..in fact I feel deprived when she is not there!)

I love to hug my children. My husband is a notorious hugger…his hugs are BEAR hugs and you cannot breathe. I am more of a hold on a minute-let-me-also-kiss-you-to-bits-on-your-hair type hugger. I also tend to hug and then tickle. (Cuz, um, its getting too serious here.)

Since my son has been about 8-9 years old, he hasn’t hugged me. Or even hugged me back when I hugged him (well, his arms would go around me but no real hug). Not that he doesn’t give affection. Just not a thing he did. Sometimes a real quick peck on the cheek and then a real quick arms on you for a second type hug. But the past couple of weeks--my 11 year old son has started to hug me again. Sincerely and to the point of not wanting to let go. Needing to be comforted and I return his hug and let him hold on as long as he wants to. No tickling, just hugging with the understanding that there is always a place to be no matter what happens in life. My arms will hold you.

Wordless Wednesday

Sneak Peeks from the Photo Shoot:

More Wordless Wednesdays HERE.

Perfect Moment Monday

Moment #1: We are having troubles keeping her to stay put for the photographer. Trying to do everything we can. He offers to sit with her (partially to be part of the attention, I assume, partially to help). He selflessly puts himself in weird poses to help her stay put. He has ideas of his own--"maybe she can hug me, like this"..."maybe if I lie here, she could do this". This is one of the many perfect moments I have seen lately of his total devotion to his sister. I cannot help but feel proud of him.

Moment #2: As she is being presented with a cake (with no other reasons given) to "smash" at the photo shoot, she spontaneously starts singing "Happy Birthday". And we all join in.

Moment #3: I am sick--a whole box of tissues used up and our internet and cable are down. I read a book (and finish it!); my husband takes the brunt of the kids. I hear quiet. Wonder where they are...I look out and I see he has taken her over to the neighbors to swing in the cool spring breeze.


More Perfect Moments Here.

Shooting Willow

Today my friend was nice enough to (again) take some portraits for us. This time, in a studio, and (mainly) just Willow. Because. Well, because Willow is going to be TWO in two weeks time (!)

So, I brought along my mini camera and took some pics and video during the photo shoot. (Some of them are blurry, cuz, well, my main job was WRANGLING the relentless two year old).

The interesting thing is that my friend was doing the shoot in the studio along with a fellow photog student--who was across the way shooting a maternity portrait with this couple. (Willow was fascinated!)

Some perfect moments will be shared tomorrow, but here are some stuff I shot (the real pictures are being edited (hopefully lightening up Willow's bruise on her cheek--swing accident at daycare), so it will be a few days or so):



The outfit Willow insisted upon having...the first shots of the session...


The outfit Kelly wanted me to bring (she had seen it on the blog). (This was at the time Willow was fascinated by the goings on across the way with the maternity shoot)


The end of the shoot we did a cake smash. And that shirt is from Jen's Esty shop--awesome shirt!!

The Plan 2010: March Update

Here is my update on Plan:

March was a bit rough. But, some goals actually were met and, on the whole I feel pretty good about March.

I have lost a total of ten pounds (which is a lot considering the conditions, and a drop in the bucket considering how much more I need to lose--but I will consider it a good start for now).

I have kept up with my morning exercise routine. It's been pleasantly enhanced with my re-viewing of our DVDs of the new Doctor Who. I started with season one, and I am now up to season three...I not only watch the episodes, but watch the extras. Really helps me keep motivated...

And it adds to some nice family time--the boy runs into our bedroom and sits on the bed to watch, husband starts to wake up and watch. Its a nice little moment--and I get exercise too!

I have had mixed success with my evening routine on the Wii. Mainly because our nightly routine can have so many things effect it. If Michael has a lot of homework, he is up longer, which usually means Willow is up longer. If my husband works late (which occurs at least once or twice a week) then everything is thrown off a bit, and any adult time I have gets later and later.

But. I have worked out on the Wii at least 2 times each week. So, that is a start.

We had a family meeting and set down some new goals. Our television viewing habits were not awful, but Willow has gotten to the point where she knows a routine and wants to emulate--so, we are cutting back so that she does not become such a couch potato. Michael contributed, as always, in the family meeting and it was useful. I want to try to have a family meeting every month.

We have had some personal time, and we both have decided that we need to re-establish our monthly dates. (Yes, we used to do weekly dates, long long ago--but monthly should fit in nicely budget and logistical wise).

The big part of the Plan that I am having troubles with--cooking meals. Our hectic life has made it hard to keep with meal plans, and I often am too exhausted, too busy helping my son stay focused on homework and amusing/spending time with a toddler to be able to make meals. Not that I have totally failed on this, but I have had more times than not, resorted to take out or simple (and not as nutritious) meals.

So, if I was giving myself a grade for keeping up with my Plan, I would say I have a solid B going here...

Frilly Silly Willow

Going over to our friend's house on Sunday, I thought it would be a great opportunity to have Willow dress in the dress that husband's mother bought her a while back (it has been too cold for this type of dress--the weather was beautiful for it).


Getting up from a nap, we put her in the dress (her hair is all messed up because she was so sweaty):

Ready to go, hair brushed, a jacket just in case...

And then, she did what two year olds do--took her barretts out, and ran around and played...

Here is Willow and her brother outside...

Perfect Moment Monday

Saturday's Perfect moments were greatly helped by my brother and sister-in-law, who took our children out for a day in New Hampshire, while husband and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary, with these moments:

Moment #1: We sit on the couch wondering what to do. The house is quiet. Too quiet. All at once, we say together -- "Beatles Rock Band!" and we play and play.

Moment #2: After more time at home, we go out. We walk in the sun. We couldn't decide on a restuarant for lunch. We were thinking romantic, but end up at a busy chinese place that is serving Dim Sum and buffet. The place is packed with families and people and its noisy and crowded. We can barely hear each other talk...we LOVE it! Afterwards, we walk around the busy town square, just being a couple.

Moment #3: As we go along our comfortable, relaxing, not romantic, but yet romantic day, I get several photos on my cellphone from my brother, showing me how lucky I am to have him, and my children in my life....

More Perfect Moments Here.

Sometimes you can see into the Future

It just struck me how mature this photo looks, in her eyes you can see Future Willow...

(She's upstairs now after this photo--playing in the bathtub with her brother)

Show & Tell #66

This week's S&T is courtesy of Lynn, who not only runs the Monthly Secret Pals, but was my March Secret Pal. (If you do not know what Secret Pals is, please click on my button to your right there---> )

Mainly, Secret Pals is about offering support via email and posts, as well as sending a little "something special" to your secret pal. Its very funny how spot on Lynn was with her special something she sent to me.

I received this in the mail a couple days ago:

(Sorry, took the pics sideways)


Its a Gungan Warrior (from Star Wars)! And its made out of motorcycle parts!


No, I prefer not to call it Jar Jar, thank you...

Now, the interesting thing is that Lynn got me something that fits in perfectly--with this Darth Vadar figure I got my son a couple years ago...





So, I have decided. My daughter is going to get the Gungun Warrior. My son has Darth Vadar. It is so major cool!!

Thank you, Lynn!

Click to see who else is Showing and Telling.

Perfect Moment Monday

Solitude is sometimes the perfect moment...

Perfect Moment #1: He is outside playing with his friends; she is downstairs napping with daddy. No one is around. Could do something. But. Put the water hot-hot-hot; put in the lavender bubble bath; put on a mud mask; step in and sink. Ahhhh....

And sometimes being all together is...

Perfect Moment #2: Its a rainy Sunday and we are being lazy after going out for errands. We all sit down on the couch after lunch and watch some MST3K. She even dances to the music playing. We all laugh and cuddle up under some blankets.

More Perfect Moments Here.

Ode to Sponge Robert

Oh, you silly little Sponge

You have amused for so long

You have become a fixture, yet again, in our lives

I thought you were a goner a few years ago

All of my son’s room décor was going, going gone

To be replaced by things in Space

But then I had a daughter.

You are enjoying a renaissance in our house

The good news—we have all your DVDs

And our son knows how to DVR

And whenever our daughter asks for you—

There you are!

Twenty Three Months

Almost two years old. In fact, I often describe you as a two year old...it is only when I approach the 24th of each month that I realize that despite feeling like you have always been there--it has only been 23 months. The last month of counting months.

You have grown so much in so little time. You use words and phrases. Just this week you have shown your independent streak, as you go down the stairs--"I wanna do it" meaning that you want to do it on your own, without any help.

You have are a daredevil--you jump off stairs, climb up on tables, love to go down huge slides. You are curious and, a word we use often to describe you--RELENTLESS.

You are affectionate. You love your baby dolls and stuffed animals. You cuddle them and kiss them and wipe their noses and bottoms (often with the same tissue). You like cars and trucks and things that GO.

You love to have us "sit!", as you pat the ground or the couch to have us play with you. You love playing with your brother and watching "Spo Bob!" with him.

Books are a bit too passive for you, although once you get down for some reading, you need many many books read to you and you enjoy it. You have favorites, especially ones with babies in them. Recently I have been reading Green Eggs and Ham and you like it--the first Loong book that can keep your attention.

New routines have now started being established--like, how we all are getting used to S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G everything out. How we know that we need change in our pockets, so that you can have "MONEY" to put into your bank. How we know that our cell phones are so much more fun than the play phones you have.

Each day you are learning and growing. And each day I marvel at your wonderousness.

Perfect Moment Monday

Several perfect moments this weekend, even though it was a strange, stressful and annoying weekend. (My husband was in and out of the ER/hospital because of an infection caused by a toothache--intravenous antibiotics and a night in the hospital seems to have done the trick)

Moment #1: My son was still up when I came home from taking his father to the hospital. He wanted to be up for me. We said good bye to our friend who had stayed to watch the children--and then my son and I watched an episode of the Simpsons on a DVD together until midnight. And then he came up with me to my bed and snuggled close to me, helping me drift off to sleep. My comfort when I needed it.

Moment #2: She wakes up right away the next morning. Asks for daddy--I distract her by having her look outside at how nice it is looking and what fun we will have today. And she notices the squirrels on the fence. We watch and giggle at the squirrels going up and down the fence, back up the trees and back down. She filled my heart with laughter even when I was tired and weary.

Moment #3: She is raring to go and a phone call from daddy has prompted her to pull me along to the door to go see him... She wants to go visit him. She already has her coat on, her shoes and is looking for her sunglasses. (The rest of us are still in pjs)

Moment #4: He and his friend take up the sidewalk chalk and tell me to distract her while they work on a surprise for her. Finally they are done, with chalk all over their hands and pants--a HUGE Heart with "Willow" written in the middle of it.

Pictures I took on my cell to send to their dad who was waiting to be discharged...

More Perfect Moments Here.

MONEY

Had a deep post brewing, but then couldn’t get it from my brain to the page. So, no post on life and weird photos and missing people and how social-ness is awkward but needed. I will keep that mangled mess in there a bit more….

So, today, I guess I will talk about MONEY…although its not really about that…

Before Willow was born, we were setting up her nursery. I picked out some of Michael’s books that he had outgrown, a little Peter Rabbit thermometer and a few other things from his nursery. He contributed on his own a few things. Including, his Elmo Piggy Bank.

He had gotten the Elmo Piggy Bank at an Ice Cream Social. Actually, a PBS sponsored Ice Cream Social—we were members then, and we took him to special events like that social. Where he met Clifford and Arthur and we got lots of trinkets for him to play with. For $1.00 we got the Elmo bank. He loved that bank. He was three years old and loved Elmo with all his heart.

Daddy has a problem with his change. He puts it into his pockets and then throws his pants all over the bedroom floor (or maybe daddy has a problem PICKING UP his clothes, but I digress). The change—goes everywhere.

But, now Michael had his Elmo bank—and thus, a job was born. Since he was three years old, Michael would diligently pick up loose change around the house, and it would go into his Elmo bank. Obviously, as time went on, and Michael got other banks and other ways to make money (he now gets an allowance for doing some chores around the house) the Elmo bank just sat on his bookshelf.

As it sat on Willow’s…until last night. Last night, Willow found a quarter on the floor. I told her it was “money” and I went and got the Elmo bank. And we put it in. And then we got more money—pennies and more pennies from our Rainy Day Jar, from mommy’s purse. And Willow—loved MONEY…and shook the Elmo bank to hear it jangle. And cuddled the Elmo bank. (She wanted to have it in her crib that night—we put our foot down on that one)

So, I guess the Elmo Bank has been passed.

Show & Tell #65

My friend Ana took a cute St. Patty's day picture of her dogs, and the picture got on her local television station's picture link:

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

(Aren't they cute?!?)

Rykka is Ana's first dog, Jack is her newest dog, Jule is the grandma of both of them. They are always nice doggies, and we all love 'em!

Click to see who else is Showing and Telling.

Perfect Moment Monday

Moment #1: We are at a restaurant having lunch and our discussion goes towards a video game husband is playing. It is based in a medieval society. My husband is playing a woman character and it is at a critical stage where his character meets the queen and manipulates things to be behind the power of the throne. At one point he discusses how he had a member of his team (a man) marry the queen. And a discussion on why his character could not marry the queen ensued. And we explained one of the more obvious reasons why it was a hetro bias -- that in medieval times and especially for a royal family, one needed offspring and heirs. And, without skipping a beat, my son said “Oh, cuz they couldn’t do sperm donations back then.”

My son—an enlightened child because of infertility treatments…

Moment #2: I am starting to plan her 2nd birthday party. And while I will write tons and tons about the progress she is making and how wonderful she is (cuz it is all about her), tonight as I sit printing out the invites, I remember and feel a sense of pride. WE did this. We made it happen. We went against the odds (2% to have a child the “normal” way) and the odds of treatments (40%) and we have her. I am proud of that.

More Perfect Moments Here.

Reflections and Echoes

Lately I have been watching and remembering more than normal. I have been trying to slow it down, been trying to keep the daily needs at bay so I can appreciate the memories.

Sometimes I find myself just staring. Wishing that my eyes were cameras to my brain, my soul. Sometimes I am watching Willow and I see the echoes of my son as a toddler.

Sometimes I have a hard time remembering him as a toddler. Its been so long ago and the boy that he is now overshadows the boy that he was then and the toddler that he was before then and the baby that he was before then. The only way I had been able to remember was to watch old videos or look at pictures or scrapbooks. But now. Now I see someone who is a reflection of him. Or, rather, an echo. Because, while she does remind me of him, she is so very different too.

She has become Willow to me. I cannot imagine my life without her or imagine her being any other way than she is now. Sometimes I try to imagine what she will be like when she is three years old, or six years old. I think of Michael when he was those ages. I try to intermix what I know of her now and what I knew of him then...I smile and realize that yet again, I am getting ahead of myself. Wait. She is here now as she is. It will pass by so quickly. Wait.

Every day I see reflections and echos. And I am happy, but a little sad to realize the bittersweet truth of it.

Show & Tell #64

My first attempt at something from scratch with my new slow cooker:

This blurry cell phone picture doesn't really do it justice, but this was last night's dinner--beef stew (before I added the peas). It looked good, smelled good, and tasted--well, it tasted fine, but kinda bland. Good for a first attempt, especially since I did not use a recipe and just literally threw things together...and the house did not burn down (a fear that has made me shy away from slow cookers).

So what do you put in your beef stew to give it some Umpf?

Click to see who else is Showing and Telling.

Wordless Wednesday

Perfect Moments Monday

Moment #1: I am in a hurry, its Monday morning. I jump into the shower. And she is there, looking in. I help her get her pjs off, diaper off. And I hold her, our nakedness warm and perfect and reminding me not only of those first days in the hospital with her; but of those times I used to take her brother into the shower with me and call him my little fish. (I have soap left in my hair and I am running even more late--I don't care)

Moment #2: Yesterday. We are at the zoo and he runs ahead of us, so excited to go see the wolves. At the habitat, the zoo created a recreation of a little cave and den with a model of a mother wolf with her cubs. He excitedly shows her how to climb through the cave. She shys away from the wolf and her cubs. And he shows her and holds her hand and helps her understand that they are "just doggies". He is the big brother, showing her new experiences, and protecting her.


More Perfect Moments Here.

Beautiful Bloggers Meme

One of my favoritest bloggers, Serenity Now! Tagged me for this meme. Serenity was one of the first IF blogs I read and I was struck at how honest and thoughtful her blog is. I am honored to consider her a friend and flattered that she tagged me for this meme.

The point of this meme is to put down seven interesting things about yours truly without boring you to tears, so here goes....

1. I have a sense of humor that borders on the black and sarcastic and dry. But I cannot tell a joke, nor am I especially funny. Usually, I crack myself up. And then I try to tell the joke, and I make myself laugh and cannot finish it. Usually, I am the one who comes up with a small witticism during a conversation, people chuckle (realizing that I am just too damned shy to be outwardly funny)--and then we all move on. I actually find that I can be more funny when I am writing online--or maybe I am still just cracking myself up.

2. I have been doing this blog since August 2004. The practical reasons for starting a blog: I had just finished taking some classes on Web Programming and Design; I wanted to journal and could type fast; I could let family who were many miles away get a glimpse into our lives. The fanatical reasons: I also had been a part of a Angel/Cordelia fan forum and enjoyed the people I met online through it. Yes, Angel and Cordelia were a thing. Yes they were! Buffy and Angel was so over and done and Angel and Cordelia were much more interesting and mature....yes, there were fights over this in fandom. Yes, I read Angel and Cordelia fanfic (most of it very good, btw). Why, yes, I think Buffy Season 7 and Angel Season 5 should just be vaporized....

3. Not only do I add to our comic book collection regularly, I also read comics on a regular basis. I especially love my reprints of EC Classics - Tales From the Crypt; Vault of Horror; Weird Science--all of those have a special place in my heart. Currently, we are collecting Buffy The Vampire Slayer comics (written by Joss Whedon and proclaimed as the eighth season of BTVS); Wonder Woman; Spider man (well the JMS written ones are my favorite recent ones); anything by Alan Moore; Neil Gaiman. The most recent comic book I read (2 weeks ago)was a graphic novel of Neil Gaiman's Marvel 1602.

4. Eclectic would be a great word to describe me. I love various types of music, theater and movies, I love fiction and non-fiction books, I love museums and hiking and the outdoors. I love intellectual pursuits, but I can also just veg out in front of the television and watch Ace of Cakes. I love board games and role playing games and video games. Mainly, I like to try new experiences. I have seen a Zulu production of Macbeth; Chinese Opera (which is not what you would think); Shoalin Warriors and silent movie musicians. And I love experiencing things with my children. We are members of the Museum of Fine Arts, Museum of Science and the Zoo.

5. I have a fascination with the macabre. I have books on death and dying, homicide photos, death photography, serial killers and true crime, historical calamities (Pompeii, Civil War, Holocaust, Titanic, etc.). Obviously, these books are kept in places that the children cannot find them. I am not totally sure why this stuff interests me, but it does and has since I was a teenager.

6. I love swimming and being on the water. Which is amazing, since I did not learn how to swim until I was 12 years old (an embarassing summer class at the Y)

7. Since Michael was born, I have gotten into scrapbooking. I am not the most creative scrapbooker, but I do enjoy it. Recently, I was able to go to an all day crop, and here are some pictures of some of the pages I did:


Some random pictures of Willow...



A wonderful photo of Michael (I did not take it, but it is my favorite)


Some pages about when we were at Cape Cod this past summer...

So, those are my seven. Now, as part of this meme, I am to tag seven other Beautiful Bloggers. Rules, thank the person who tagged you, 7 interesting things, tag seven others. I tag these incredible people:

1. Jess
2. Kimbo Sue

3. Katie

4. Amy

5. Kate @ Circus Acts

6. Suzy

7. Courtney

And there are so many more Beautiful Bloggers I have not mentioned (some have already been tagged), but I hold many of them in my heart.

The Plan 2010 - February Update - Stardate 63632.6

Okay, so, this Plan thing—I am glad that I was so damn vague. Because my life just doesn’t seem to go according to “Plans”. (See, there is life in the corner, with a cheesy Hollywood Mexican accent saying, “We don’t need no stinkn’ Plans!”) (which reminds me that Caprica had a great homage to Sydney Greenstreet last Friday). (Catch Caprica--its good!)

Okay, so the Plan, how did it play out in February?

Well, health goals wise, I did lose a few pounds, however, 2 of those was because I had stomach flu--and I seem to have gained those 2 back...

My biggest issue with keeping with my goals are my lack of sleep. The fact that when I DO go to bed early (or when I SHOULD), something happens (either Willow wakes up or husband is working late so I can't sleep properly, or Michael can't sleep). And the other times (most of the time) I don't go to bed when I should. So getting up early enough to do a full exercise routine like I want--not happening. I am still getting 30 mins. (generally) in the morning, so its not all bad. Depending on the kids bedtimes and other interruptions, I have been able to exercise on the Wii at least 3 times a week in the evening, so that is good too.

Food goals--still working on them, but I did buy a Slow Cooker and I am cutting back on the carbs. Going away for the weekend and having stomach flu screwed up last week and I did not make a home cooked meal until Thursday(!)

As for other goals on my Plan...all are being met with the same uneven success. I interviewed a Babysitter last week, but we have not used her yet; my patience has been tested and I have kept it most of the time. I am feeling burned out sometimes, but I am also on top of most things...Life just seems to get in my way, but some how, we still keep chugging away.

I guess I have learned that while a Plan is good, going with the flow is most important in my life right now. I am looking forward to Spring and to more goals met...

Perfect Moments Monday

Moment #1: She rarely sleeps on me. My husband—he is the Sleep Master. Often on the weekends he and she nap on the couch. But today, after exhausting herself on finger painting, I cleaned her up and she wanted to have snuggles and rocking. And then I found that she had fallen asleep. And even though a large part of me wanted to just put her down so that I could get some things accomplished, I went over to the couch and put a blanket on us. I did not sleep, I just let go of those other thoughts (“ugh, laundry has to get done, the dishes are still needing clearing, what about the other things I could do”) and I laid there listening to her breathe, realizing how warm she was against my shoulder.

Moment #2:

This gets a photo. My son, whenever he is going to play a video game, he makes sure to take out the extra Wii Remote that we have that has no battery in it. And he actually says: “I am putting out the Wii Remote for Willow!” as he goes about setting up for the game.



More Perfect Moments Here.

Show & Tell #63

We had a blast at Total Con this year. So much fun that even a bout of stomach flu did not spoil it!

We arrived on Friday afternoon and while my husband got the kids and the stuff situated in our hotel room, I went to a role playing game called Final Flight (husband played the other game, The Burning Stars).

That evening, Michael played in his first adult role playing game, where he played Scooby Doo in a horror mystery game based on the cartoon show (yes, this was more for Teens and up).

More role playing games, more board and strategy games were played on Saturday. I enjoyed playing this game so much, I bought it...

Michael played his annual run of Clay Wars , and we had fun looking at all the goodies to buy from the vendors.

Husband won "best gamer" ticket during a game, and Michael used the ticket to get this Star Wars attack game.





Who knew that 4 hours later, he would be sick as a dog...


Willow...she was a little monkey. She and her brother got to play in the pool, she ran around everywhere and was fascinated by everything. She got her hand painted...






And she tried her first red onion at the hotel restaurant...






Wow. Another year over. It was definitely a fun time.

Click to see who else is Showing and Telling.

Perfect Moment Monday (on Tuesday)

Sometimes perfect moments are messy and gross and yucky.

We were away this weekend in a hotel. We had a wonderful time, to be capped off with my son's birthday on Sunday (a dinner out before going home was planned).

Being in a hotel room, our configuration on sleeping is this: she is in a portable crib; husband is in one double bed; my son and I share the other double bed. I thought it was so nice to be this close to my son on his birthday eve.

Going to sleep that night we talked and my son mentioned how he wanted to stay up till his "actual" birthday (which is a little after 1 a.m.). But at midnight we went to sleep.

Around 1 a.m. I felt something warm and not right on my back. And then I realized--my son had vomited and was still vomiting--I took him into the shower, pajamas and all...and I realized an hour later that both of us had a stomach bug that would make us cut short our day--his day. But, as I laid there worrying about my son and feeling quite ill and dizzy--I could not help but think of being in the hospital sick and ill and happy to have my son--11 years ago that morning.

(We are both feeling better now--one sick day later and we are back to our routines)


More Perfect Moments Here.

Happy Birthday

2/8/10

He found them. My stash of Mad Magazines--ones that I have saved and saved from when I had a subscription. He is excited and tells me some of the jokes, and I remember them well. He likes Don Martin. His father shows him the CD versions that he bought me one holiday...I prefer the feel of the magazines myself, but I do appreciate that we have all of them (up to 1999) on CD... Sometimes I can see myself in my son. This is one of those times. For his upcoming birthday, I am getting him a subscription to Mad.


1/24/10

It is getting time to go to bed and its time to read to her. He has been at a Babysitter's Introduction Class most of the day. So, he volunteers to read to her. And then he proceeds to multi-task...he needs to finish his Einstein biography (so that they can do the report this week). So, we all cuddle up to my almost eleven year old reading about Albert Einstein going to school. She listens intently for a while. Then she starts poking him in the face. And then she hugs him and kisses him. I have no idea how she realized this--but she showed her brother such affection at such the right moment...


It is a half an hour later. We are sitting down to some adult time television viewing. We hear some rustling up stairs, but figure they are settling down. We think he is going to the bathroom; we think she is talking to herself in her crib. And then, they are at the top of the stairs. He says that she was so cute, that they just wanted to cuddle in his bed for a while. And then he promised her they could come down and visit...we acknowledge them reluctantly, but with full hearts--Bed Time Take 2...

1/11/10

I don't do as much socializing outside my comfort zone--usually my husband, a few mutual friends. Sometimes that can be isolating. So, one part of my Plan this year--try to reach out to others and find my social life again. Yesterday, I was going to a Meet Up for Ruby Feathers (see sidebar badge). As I was leaving, my husband and she were sleeping on the couch. My son--he was acting dejected. He knew he needed to do some homework, but did not want to...and suddenly--he was clingy. I told him if he wanted me to, I would stay. I told him that nothing is more important to me than him. But, he said I could go. I left him my cell phone number, I told him to call if he wanted me to come home. LATER, when I got home, my husband and I were expecting company--and I expressly ignored them (with their permission) to go watch "Monsters, Inc." with my son next to me in my arms.

12/20/09

The ADHD medication messes with his sleep patterns. Sometimes, he just can't sleep. We tell him to try to read in bed or at least rest. Tonight I hear him move around in his room. I can tell he is up. I go upstairs and he is sitting in his chair playing with Star Wars figurines--he is almost 11 years old...how much longer do I get to see him do this? I say "You can't sleep?" "nah"; I ask him if he wants to make our annual holiday peanut butter fudge recipe (my Grammie's recipe). He perks up--and we go down and make fudge. He spills vanilla extract all over the floor; he eats more peanut butter than he puts into the skillet; he almost burns himself stirring the hot sugar mixture. And I wouldn't have missed a second of it. Afterwards he goes to bed, hopefully for the night.

11/09/09

Just getting up this morning. I see a child in green or is it blue? Is that my daughter at the hall window, looking out? She has not learned how to get out of her crib yet, but...is that her? Blurriness leaves me and I realize that no--that is my son, kneeling down at the window in the hall. Looking out at the sun. And then I notice, yes, he is wearing his blue pj top. And his new green iguana (just acquired yesterday) on his shoulder. He is showing Pepi II his new world.

11/2/09

Walking around outside yesterday in an historical park. We were talking about walking the same path as the Revolutionaries. And my son presented me with his theory on reincarnation and how he thinks it could transcend time and space. Of course, as soon as I said that is what he said—he was onto another topic. But, for a brief moment, I saw his inner mind struggling with one of life’s mysteries. And then it was onto the latest video game he is tackling.

9/21/09

Around 9:30 p.m. that night, my son climbs into bed with me. He is having trouble falling asleep. At this point, so am I. We play shadow figures on the ceiling and I am happy to spend this quiet time with just him.

9/14/09

After picking him up from his first day of school, I knew I wanted to do something special for him—perhaps his favorite ice cream stand near our house? Unclear whether that will be a treat he would want, I start to suggest doing something special. He says “Can we go to [the ice cream place]?” We go and he gets his favorite, Mint Oreo, in the warm autumn air.



9/08/09

He always gets to pick out which bed is his when we get to a hotel room. And since he is small and we are large, the double beds are not big enough for the both my husband and I in one bed. So, I get the luxury to sleep in the same bed as my ten year old. Having an excuse to cuddle him is one of those moments I will miss as he gets older. During the second night away, I woke up with a start, not knowing where I was. The thick furry legs of my partner were not there. Instead they were the lanky, stick like legs of my son poking into my stomach. And all was right with the world again.

5/18/09

Michael is in the "SpotLight" this month at school. I guess each month they pick a child in his class who brings in some photos and they post it on a bulletin board in his classroom. So, last night, Michael and I looked through the many scrapbook pages I have of him. I haven't scrapbooked in about a year (I have done a little of Willow's book, but hardly anything since she has been born). I had forgotten how many books I had done of Michael. And all those books are his when he grows up. And it was wonderful to go through those books with him, remembering him at various ages. The first time on a beach, his various obsessions over dinosaurs and superheroes. And he enjoyed looking at them. I think, I hope, that he sees the love and tenderness that went into them. It also reminded me why I love scrapbooking.

2/9/09

Just me and my son. Getting our hair cut. Finished, getting ready to go home. “Do you want to pick up something for lunch, or just…” “Well, mom…there is the Wendy’s right over there…” I am thinking of just going through the drive-thru. I want to get home, I want to see my husband and daughter. My son wants to go inside to eat (where my temptation to have some very fattening food awaits). I relent. We go inside, I eat my good-but-not-good-for-me food. And we play the games suggested by the kids meal bag…a matching game, an eye spy game. I enjoy this small moment between me and my son.




Son, thank you for these precious moments and so many more I have not put down here. You are a gift that keeps on giving to the world. To my world.

You are witty and funny and kind. You can be frustrating, bossy and spoiled sometimes. You are smart, energetic and inquisitive. You are an enigma sometimes to me. And sometimes you are as clear to me as my reflection. You are my first born, my one and only for so long. You hold a place in my heart no other can.

You are becoming a wonderful big brother to your sister. It impresses me to see what tenderness and care you have for her. I hope that in the coming years, your bond with her will only get stronger and that you will find her to be one of your staunchest friends and ally (she already adores you).

You are on the edge of one of the hardest stages of your life and I hope to be there when you need me. But I know I cannot always break your fall. I have seen glimpses lately of the young man you will become and I know that everything will be alright.

So, for your birthday this year, I just wanted to say that I totally, unconditionally love you with all my being. And that as much as I love you now, I will love you even more throughout this coming year and the many years to come.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Show & Tell #62 - My Show & Tell Runneth Over!

I have not just one, but TWO subjects for my Show & Tell this week---

This Sunday we saw a cool display of Legos--several trains going around several scenes (a carnival, a haunted house, a village, etc.) all made of Legos. This was done by the New England Lego Users Group (click to read the article about the display). Michael, who is a big Lego user himself, was suitably impressed, as was Willow.

Here are some pictures:







---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second part of Show & Tell concerns this previous post. Twenty years ago today I met my future husband. This morning, he came by my office and dropped off these roses (20 of them for 20 years).




When I got home today, he had hastily put up this banner:



(My son then pointed out that I hadn't gotten my husband anything--I pointed out that I had poured my guts out on my blog post--but, yeah, hubby gets extra points on this)

Unfortunately, our plans to have a nice kid-free romantic dinner fell through when our designated babysitter fell sick, so....kids came with us for SUSHI and some traditional Japanese food...


Wish I had taken a picture before half the sushi was gone--it was a very impressive sushi platter for two...

Michael tried some tempura that he had not tried before and he even ordered fish (and ate a little bit of it). Willow liked Miso soup and both children liked their rice.

Willow, of course, was "done!" first---as demonstrated by her trying to climb out of her high chair.



It was really kind of interesting to realize that we never would have expected that this would be what we were doing 20 years from when we first met.

And now...I am exhausted....

Click to see who else is Showing and Telling.

20 Years

Has it really been twenty years? Almost half my life and so much more...

20 years ago today I "met" you. Well, officially, I met you a few months before. You often joke that I rejected you three times before we "really" dated.

You must forgive me. You met me at a weird time in my life, my sophomore year in college. My freshman year had been tough. I had went through horrible homesickness and awful roommates, culture shock (I was not into PARTY ALL DAY-ism) and fatigue. I imagine my freshman year was a mixture of the normal freshman stuff, but added into the mixture was my own lack of involvement. Thing is, I am very introverted. My idea of a good time often involves listening to music (at that time on my Walkman) and reading a good book. Not exactly the best ways to meet people.

But...I did meet people eventually. And by my sophomore year, I was feeling pretty good. I had friends, a potential long-term boyfriend back home, and I was doing well. I even went out to clubs--um, social, geeky clubs...like the MSU Star Trek club...um, you might remember the first time we met, we were playing Star Fleet Battles?

By the time I met you the second time, my boyfriend had fizzled and I was sick to death with men/boys. I was fine with my girlfriends and just "hanging out". So, yes, I did not think of you as a "potential boyfriend" then...I just merely heard you across the room talking about the JFK assassination (yes, how romantic, but that is what perked my ears). You were talking about it in relation to the story presented in the Graphic Novel "The Watchmen". (BTW, thanks for helping to revive my love of comic books)

Okay. The third time, well. That was a mistake. Really. Star Trek club, again. We were playing laser tag in one of the abandoned (for the night) halls (can't tell y'all which one--we were not officially supposed to be there--one of our members worked there and had the keys). Speaking of which. When you say "Sure, I would like to get a pop (soda to you guys not from Midwest) too." with this guy who is vaguely familiar...remember that he is NOT the guy with the keys to the building. Cuz we got locked out. Because we wanted soda from a machine OUTSIDE the correct hallway. Luckily (or maybe unluckily, who knows if we had spent some extra time there what might have happened?), some one found us and let us back in.

Okay, so 20 years ago today...it was another Star Trek club event. We were doing a movie night over at one of our member's houses. We car pooled there (most of us did not have cars). When I arrived, I vaguely remember that I sat down and made sure to have the seat next to me empty. Not sure why I did that. I might have got vibes off of you. Or it just could have been that fact that my best friend was not there that evening. Either way, watching "Excalibur" with you next to me was thrillingly, nerve-wreaking fun. And we stayed there until 3 a.m., watching more movies, and then simply talking. We stayed so long that the member, whose house it was, finally asked us if we needed rides HOME...we talked in the car.

And then the next day, I kinda just went about my normal day. I am sorry, but I could not have known. How could I know that that evening you would come up behind me and ask me to go out for a walk with you. And I am so bad at names--I am sorry that the first thing I thought when I saw you behind me was--"Okay, its THIS guy--what's his name again?!?"

Thank you, my love, for being persistant. Thank you for walking in the snow, 20 minutes across campus (with a hole in your shoe), then walking 20 minutes with me towards your dorm, then walking me back afterwards (oh, and you had to walk back to your dorm, again!!!).

Thank you for being my husband and being the father of my children. Love you.

Perfect Moment Monday

This time I am going to share a moment about me being proud of myself:

Coming up to his 11th Birthday has been interesting as this is the first year we are not doing a big party, a theme, a place, etc. I had told him that this year we would do something more intimate--a couple of friends of his choosing, an activity of his choice, some cake, some ice cream, etc. When I asked him about a month ago what he wanted to do, he said a sleep-over that would include his best friend (since kindergarten) who has recently moved to a neighboring state.

Problem. The best friend, I had only one way to contact his mother. And it took weeks to try to find out whether and when I could have him come. And I never told my son that these plans were in motion. Mainly because I was uncertain of the outcome.

Friday, I finally got confirmation from the mother that he would be able to come THE NEXT night. I called the other child's mother to make sure he could come. Then, on Friday night, I went out and bought some small Star Wars figurines and a small gift (he will get his other birthday gifts on his actual birthday). On Saturday, while my husband took the kids to his karate class, I went out and bought a cake, party plates and cups, snacks, and put the Star Wars figures on the cake. And hid all in the oven.

Late afternoon, door rings, and my son answers the door to see his best friend. And later was further surprised with the cake, ice cream, etc. They had a great time and enjoyed themselves. They were well behaved and the house is only a small mess.

It was one of those Perfect Moments I have had as a mother, one of those times when all your planning actually works to perfection. To feel like I had made my son so very happy. How much I love him.


More Perfect Moments Here.

Friday Five: Warmth

Took this from Suzy's blog:

it's friday and time for friday five! want to play along? you can either leave your answers in the comments or leave a comment that you've posted it onto your own blog.

today's topic is things that keep you warm. so, here goes!

What is your favorite blanket like?
Its a down comforter within a blue cover. It is sooo snuggly and warm. I also love to pile on the blankets, especially during winter!

What was the last thing you baked?
Baked chicken and vegetables on Tuesday night.

What television personality gets you most hot and bothered?

That would be DB (from Angel and Bones) or DT (from Dr. Who)

When did you last burn yourself?
Its been so long I have forgotten, but I do remember it was pan handle related...

What are your feelings about hot sauce?
Not really into hot sauce, although I like mildly spicy foods (Indian, etc)

so what are your answers this week?

Show & Tell # 61 - Of Sock Puppets and Men...

Already posted this yesterday, but it really is the epitome of Show and Tell...

Michael had to do a biography project for school. He had to do a book report and an oral report--with a PUPPET. Yep. A puppet of the person. Since he is interested in being a scientist, he picked Albert Einstein.

And this weekend, we made not one, but TWO sock puppets of Albert Einstein.

We used an old pair of dad's socks, and these materials:





One of the things they were graded on was if the puppet looked like the famous person. We lucked out, because Einstein is basically the hair and the mustache.




The reason for two Einsteins, to explain his theory of relativity which tells us that the faster you travel through space, the slower you travel through time.

(His twin paradox says: "Consider a pair of brothers, identical twins. One gets a job as an astronaut and rockets into deep space. The other stays on Earth. When the traveling twin returns home, he discovers he's younger than his brother.")

So, the two puppets helped to represent this theory during the oral report. These are the puppets drying.






I was going to take pictures today of Michael with the puppets, but he had to hand them in. Grade on the whole project: 96%

Good job, Michael!

Click to see who else is Showing and Telling.

Perfect Moment Monday

Moment # 1: He found them. My stash of Mad Magazines--ones that I have saved and saved from when I had a subscription. He is excited and tells me some of the jokes, and I remember them well. He likes Don Martin. His father shows him the CD versions that he bought me one holiday...I prefer the feel of the magazines myself, but I do appreciate that we have all of them (up to 1999) on CD... Sometimes I can see myself in my son. This is one of those times. For his upcoming birthday, I am getting him a subscription to Mad.

Moment #2: She is getting a bit bossey in that cute way. She will grab your hand and pull you towards something. She will ask you to "sit" or "come". She is also learning to say "pees" and "tank you", but those are not as demanding she has learned. She is insistent. That you take the world at her pace. That you take the time out of the routine and play blocks with her or kiss her dolls or play ball. She makes me stop and enjoy the moment. Dishes, laundry, cooking...the house is a mess sometimes. But. I am playing with my daughter right now at her insistence and I don't mind being bossed around to do that.


More Perfect Moments Here.

Please, Oh, Please Go to Bed...

Mostly my children are very good when its time to go to bed. Generally, bedtime is around 8:00 - 8:30 p.m. My husband is usually the Sleep Master. No kidding. The man can get an infant/toddler down in 15 mins. flat. (sometimes quicker!!) The man has super powers. So our routine lately has been for him to put both kids to bed (since Willow tends to want to lay in Michael's bed for a bit to say "good night").

However. Michael's medications sometimes play havoc with his sleep patterns. And Willow. She has never been the regular routine sleeper that Michael was at her age. So, we usually have, on average, one night a week where the kids give us bedtime heck.

This week, it was Thursday night. After trying twice, my husband gave me the reigns to the runaway train...and here is some video!!






Note my son says "9 p.m." then says the real time--9:40 (!)
You can note the irritation in my voice...yeah, I got them to bed finally...and still worked out on the Wii (!)

Show & Tell #60

It's Willow time!

Tried to get some video of Willow tonight, these are the two attempts. As soon as she sees the camera, she wants to play with it. So, here she is.

I call this Baby Hospital. She took a WHOLE bunch of wet wipes and I am not sure what is going on, but it looked like a scene from Gone with the Wind...

Click to see who else is Showing and Telling.

Obsessions

Here's everyone's latest...

Michael's: Star Wars; Spongebob Squarepants "Lights, Camera, Pants" videogame; Mad Magazine; Wierd Al (as in every time we are in the car--"Mom, can we play your iPod? Start at "Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota")

Willow's: Shoes, hats, things she can put on. Snow, as in eating it. Wipes, washclothes, sponges...as in washing/wiping things off (the dishwasher lid where you put the soap in--she likes to wash off the water and clean it before I can start the dishwasher); baby dolls, putting them in strollers and wandering the house; making the cat "Get DOWN!" off of places the cat has every possible reason to be at.

Husband's: Dragon Age; sleep; working all hours of the day and night; Cok.e a Col.a; sleep.

Mine: Re-watching the New Dr. Who DVDs in the morning during my work out--I am done with the first season with delicious CE onto yummy DT; Wii Golds Gym Cardio workout and Wii Fit; sleep; Twitter; Facebook; Blogging; capturing perfect moments on camera since Willow now is starting to say "Cheese!"; This American Life Podcasts; Eddie Izzard



Now, if I could only get "The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota" out of my flipping head!!!