Showing posts from August, 2017

Persistence of Memory

“People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.” - Tenth Doctor

A week ago, we were in Provincetown at a beach.

Two weeks ago, I was with my brother in a room watching my mother die.

Three weeks ago, those things were in the future...unknown.

Time is fluid. Time is straight.  Time is everywhere around me and in my thoughts.  It slips away, as summer goes into fall.  As school approaches.  As holidays come and go.

Various memories of the past two weeks mix together in a weird conglomeration of sadness, happiness...the strange things that pop up in my mind:

feeding my mom a nutter butter (at her request, one of the last she made to me)me badly singing along to Beach Boys and Beatles to try and amuse her (and myself)getting a much needed break from the mundane with a restful trip to Cape Cod when I really needed it...I need more beach t…

RIP, Mom

Sometimes life is cliche.  My mom was dealing with melanoma for the past three years and at the beginning of the year, it was decided that treatments were not working and she should go into hospice.  She moved to a closer facility, she was doing better without the treatments.  We visited her more often because she was closer...and that was the biggest thing she wanted.  She desperately wanted to be near her children and grandchildren, who she was very proud of and who she would brag up to anyone in earshot.  
So.  Just a couple of Sundays ago...we took this picture:

The next Friday, she started to take a turn for the worse.
This morning, she passed away.
Her death was known.  Her death was sudden.  I am glad she will not be in any pain anymore. But it sucks that she did not get any more time with the people she loved.
I had a complicated relationship with my mother.  
However, one thing I can say without reservation is that she did her best to be th…

A mess of thoughts...

Kinda a mess of thoughts right now, many times I have wanted to write, but haven't had the energy, or time or words...

As usual, life and death and everything...
Willow hasn't been sleeping well lately.  Who can really blame her?  I haven't really slept well since November...
She has never been my sleeping kid.  Always my energizer bunny.  But, lately, she has had a rough time falling asleep.  Usually, once she is asleep she is fine...but this past week, she has had nightmares and has come into our bed frequently.
We have tried lots of methods to get her to sleep.  Discipline, no discipline, melatonin, no melatonin, reading in bed, not reading in bed.  Bedtime routines and non-traditional bedtime routines.  I know it is partially the summer.  I know it is partially hormones on her part.  I know it is partially an ennui on our part.
I think the vacation next week on Cape Cod will help to do a reset...and we will start the climb back to a semi-norma…