I will be 42 in less than a month.
I thought I would know more than I do at this age. But the longer I live, the more I have learned that the ultimate answer is not necessarily 42. I think it would take me 7 1/2 million years to really understand how the universe works.
Right now I am in a kind of limbo in my life, mainly because of my job (or lack thereof) situation.
Yet another prospect has told me that I "set the bar high" that I was "exceptional" but I was their second choice.
Unfortunately, in my head I had already started the "hope" game. Where I was already strategically figuring out the next steps to be had after getting this job. I was so confident that I had nailed this one. And it was a nearly perfect fit, logistically, financially and career-wise.
I feel proud of how I have been handling this lay off and the job hunt. But I am weary. And my choices in life and career can be laid bare to me at such a time.
At this time of year, with the holidays, with getting another year older...it often becomes a reflective time. Usually the hectic schedule of the holidays and work keep me from being overly melancholy.
Don't get me wrong, part of me is happy that I am going to have this time of year off with my children and family.
But part of me wants the normalcy of routine (not to mention the accomplishment and money) of a job. My job doesn't define me. But it does make me feel more like a contributing member of our family.
Despite the limbo, despite the weariness, I am looking positively at the coming year. Hopefulness will return to me as I look at more prospects in the coming year.
So. 42. Let's see where you take me.