Hanging out with my brother...

The only really good thing that happened the week my Dad died was that I got to spend extensive time with my brother.  

We made the road trip there, hoping to see him before he passed away.  Unfortunately, we did not get there in time.  

However, we got there to help with arrangements, etc.  

It was amazing to get to really spend time with my brother.  I do see him every month for dinner, we do text most days...but it is not the same as spending a long car ride somewhere, or going to a museum or hanging out at the hotel room (Or waiting for the hotel room!)

Going over our feelings of grief and loss, reminiscing over photographs, talking about all sorts of subjects (it was a LONG car ride!)

We also spent some time just trying to BE.

We went to a museum, we got BBQ...we hung out at Target (cuz we had no other place to go before the hotel room was available!)

I would love another road trip with my brother sometime.  Hopefully under more happy circumstances!

We had just got to NC, and we could not get into our hotel room.  We were tired, depressed...and this was a cute stuffie that I knew Willow would love seeing...picture taken!

Shared dessert between my brother, my dad's wife and me.  The flower is made of strawberries.  Quite yummy!

Arby's!  Made me think of Dad and Grammie...the many times we had Arby's to celebrate...

Its Beer!  Root Beer!

Fancy Pants drink...it was good...not good enough to drink again tho...

Very Dad-like pose, actually...

Frogs all along NJ Turnpike...

Closest we got to NYC

Ride back--getting close to MA

 

Dad

When I think of my Dad, my first thought is "perpetual motion".  He was always moving, always doing something...sitting still was hard for him (unless it was a good movie or a music performance).

Dad was in a lot of ways, an "old-school" Dad.  Emotions were not something he showed easily, he worked long hours and read the newspaper.  At one point, he even had a pipe! 

But when he was at home, that perpetual motion made him a presence in our lives.  Usually, "relaxing" at home meant repairing or maintaining something. When I was younger, I found that I could spend some quality time with my Dad as his helper on various projects.  I held hammers, screwdrivers, wood, helped mix concrete, etc.  I learned how to mow a lawn pretty early on--and even earned some extra money that way when I was old enough.

Even Fun for Dad was in Motion.  Planning and organizing, going and exploring.  Every summer, we would spend one to two weeks visiting my maternal Grandparents in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  Dad would often schedule those weeks to coincide with a festival or other summer event.  He would look in newspapers and find happenings around us to go to.  Planned visits to the Zoo and museums.  I especially loved visits to the Lincoln museum, where they had lots of President Lincoln memorabilia. 

My love of trying new things and going to theater and planning and organizing -- these traits can all trace back to this man.  

When I was a child, my Dad was my hero.  I asked for his advice for everything, wanted his approval for anything I was doing.   He gave me pony back rides, he listened to me, we did projects big and small together.   As I grew into adulthood, I found out, as we all do, that my Dad was a human being after-all.  

There were some tough, trying times, as my parents divorced and my Dad took a bit of time to find himself again.  For a while, he seemed a-drift.  He would call me, and open up to me in such un-Dad-like fashion that it scared me.

Time changes us all, but we often find our way back.  He found love again.  He found himself again.  His later years, he was back into that Perpetual Motion...playing in a concert band, going to theater and shows, enjoying the nature and history around him with his new wife.  He had friends and our family grew to include grandchildren.  

We lost him on June 2nd.  That heart that helped him keep going, moving, exploring...finally stopped moving.

Rest.

Ups and DOWNS...

Every so often I think of what history will say about this time period.  I hope I am around to find out, although I think it will be some time before we recover from this awful period in our country.

Sometimes thinking outside of myself serves me well, to get perspective and to have a plan for action.  But with so many things happening in the outside world as well as within our own lives--it can sometimes just make me sink into fatalism.  

Thing is, a LOT of things are not good...but there ARE things that are good.

I guess I have to try to think of what goals are more important than others in my life and in my loved ones lives.

Our downs:

• Work issues
• Michael unemployed
• Willow going through depression episodes
• Chewy going through depression episodes
• My dad having health scares
• My own health scares
• Broken furniture (yeah, not the WORST thing...but it adds to the chaos)
• Money issues

BUT...Our UPs:

TOTAL CON 40!

I WON!  lol

Quigleys!

Pool Time!

Michael's Birthday at the hotel!

New shirt!

Michael running his first game--one that both he and Dad created.

"Ray Harryhausen's Jurassic Park"

Pumpkin has a new friend, and now we have two new Guinea Pigs to love on:

Welcome to Toffee!

With loss, we also had a renewal.  Toffee had been abandoned and needed a buddy.  Pumpkin needed one too...so, now we have two buddies again.  Its sometimes hard, because of course they don't replace Luci and Knight...we still miss those two very much...but Toffee and Pumpkin are growing on us!!

Other good things:

• Willow started a volunteering job at a local therapeutic horse farm
• Michael had a couple of interviews
• Most of the snow has melted!
• BUNNIES!

(yeah, yeah...I am working on the good things, dammit!)

 

Knight RIP

Knight died in Willow's arms this morning.

When we got in him 2021, he was approx. 1 - 1.5 years old...so, for a guinea pig, he had a good long life. It seemed to come on very quickly--he had just had his nails trimmed last week and was fine, up until a couple of days ago. All indications seem to me that he had some type of stroke (he had a head tilt, barely moved, etc.).

We monitored him--and last night, it was obvious that he was going.

It is devastating that he died so soon after the sudden illness and death of Luci, but it seems that it was just his time to go (and Luci needed his buddy!).

Last night...

Cuties!

A new year, wishing for better news, weary, tired, inspired and not beaten yet...

I just couldn't get myself to write in the blog after vacation.  It was almost like I wanted to just leave that post there, enjoy the summer, the brief time away from the awfulness of the world and the tensions of every day life...

But then there was September...school starting back for Willow, job searching for Michael, back to normal work schedules, etc.

Halloween was unexceptional this year--and frankly, uninspired and just...well, not comparable from other years.

Then there was loss.  Lucifer, the companion that helped Willow the most during her worst times...he got a kidney stone/tumor.  We nursed him the best we could, but he slowly stopped eating and we held him and cuddled him, let him know we loved him...and he died November 3rd.  It hit us hard--and Willow was able to use her coping mechanisms...but it made November a hard month.

Late November, we got another companion, because poor Knight needed a friend....so now we have Pumpkin.  I can't lie, it took me a while to actually like Pumpkin.  But...now I cannot see how we cannot but love the little guy.

December actually felt more...happy, warm and relaxing.  We had a good holiday season....and then there was...JANUARY.

Oh boy.  What a long month that was...and now, we are just trying to get through the winter/cold and the fascism with some resistance and kindness to ourselves and others.

Now, random pictures...

Pumpkin

15 inches January 2026...