Lately I have been watching and remembering more than normal. I have been trying to slow it down, been trying to keep the daily needs at bay so I can appreciate the memories.
Sometimes I find myself just staring. Wishing that my eyes were cameras to my brain, my soul. Sometimes I am watching Willow and I see the echoes of my son as a toddler.
Sometimes I have a hard time remembering him as a toddler. Its been so long ago and the boy that he is now overshadows the boy that he was then and the toddler that he was before then and the baby that he was before then. The only way I had been able to remember was to watch old videos or look at pictures or scrapbooks. But now. Now I see someone who is a reflection of him. Or, rather, an echo. Because, while she does remind me of him, she is so very different too.
She has become Willow to me. I cannot imagine my life without her or imagine her being any other way than she is now. Sometimes I try to imagine what she will be like when she is three years old, or six years old. I think of Michael when he was those ages. I try to intermix what I know of her now and what I knew of him then...I smile and realize that yet again, I am getting ahead of myself. Wait. She is here now as she is. It will pass by so quickly. Wait.
Every day I see reflections and echos. And I am happy, but a little sad to realize the bittersweet truth of it.
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