Good-Bye Claudius

Our oldest pet died today. Claudius was a wonderfully fun pet. He would jump and climb on top of you. When we first got him in September 1995, he was 6 months old and had been called "Matty". We almost called him Darth Vader, but it just did not fit with such a cute cuddly chinchilla. He was our first higher maintenance pet (we had had Siberian Dwarf Hamsters named Tweety and Sylvester when we first married). He LOVED raisins and dustbaths. He was my first "baby". I used to go on chinchilla websites all the time for feeding and care, etc. For 4 years, he had the run of our apartments. We would let him (and later on Leeloo) run all over the apartment. When we moved to a house, they got the run of the upstairs. When Michael came into our lives, the chinchillas were not so sure about where they stood. Eventually, Michael was helping with them and Claudius was especially able to adapt to a small child running about.

I feel bad that the last couple years have been hard on him. Delenn, his daughter, died earlier this year. After that, we noticed he was loosing weight. But, just when we started worrying about him--he would be a spry old man, jumping out of his cage and bouncing around and immediately going into his dust bath. We did not play with him as much as we used to because of our preoccupation with the other aspects of our lives, and the fact that he really did not want to be out of his cage for very long anymore. I regret that. But I know that he died in a newly cleaned cage, with a full stomach (including two raisins I gave him yesterday morning).

We are no longer chinchilla owners.

Next 10 - Restaurant Edition

I live in the Boston area, which has a wonderful variety of eateries. Below are some of the restaurants I love to go to in and around Boston:

41. Kyoto Japanese Steak House. I like to get the chicken and shrimp with fried rice. They make it in front of you with a little "show". Its cute, but the main reason I go there--its really really good food.

42. Diva Indian Bistro I like the chicken curry and mango lassi. They have a great buffet.

43. Mandarin Reading I go here once a month or so to have lunch with a friend. They have a great buffet, which includes sushi. And their crab ragoons are to die for.

44. Legal Seafoods It was one of my first seafood experiences, and it has a special place in my heart. I love their Clam Chowder and their warm chocolate pudding.

45. Bonfire Steakhouse I have only went here once (on my anniversary). But I LOVED it, and hope to go again. The Spinach Parmesan was wonderful.

46. Lobster Pot There are really great places to eat on Cape Cod, and this is one we try to go to often. Great seafood and portions.

47. Ginza I like the fact that the waitresses dress in Kimono. The sushi is wonderful!

48. Persy's Place. Boasts one of the biggest breakfast menu's in New England.

49. Papa Razzi Nice chain for Italian. I like their spaghetti bolognese.

50. McKenney's Seafood in Falmouth, MA. They have great fried seafood.

Next 10: 31 - 40

31. I am surprised that I actually like exercising. I hated gym in school, although I did play in a few after school sports like field hockey and soccer. I have been dealing with my weight since puberty. But, I find I like exercise and how it makes me feel more physically fit--even when I don't lose weight. The past couple months have actually been trying for me since I have tried to "take it easy". I am much happier now that I have a pregnancy exercise video and I am easing into simple exercise again.

32. I would like to visit Europe someday. I have never been outside this country--other than Canada.

33. I was a tomboy when I was a girl. I am still not very femme. If this baby is a girl, I hope that she is a tomboy...although I will cringe and buy Walt Disney's Princess stuff if that is what she wants...

34. I played in the high school Marching Band--I played clarinet.

35. I like playing video games, we have an X-Box and a Wii. I like the Wii a lot!

36. We are members of the Museum of Fine Arts, Museum of Science and the Zoo. I love going to these places often.

37. I have thought of taking a bee keeping class. I just haven't done it because the class is about 2 hours away from our house, and usually held in February.

38. We go to gaming conventions, one in February, one in July. We play board games, role playing games, card games. I got involved with more strategy games when I was on 2 week bedrest during my last pregnancy.

39. I like taking "The Time Traveler's Wife" to read during our vacations to Cape Cod. Its become a tradition of sorts. I always say I will only read parts of it again, get sucked in, and end up finishing it while crying intensely.

40. I cry more at movies, etc. since having my son. Maybe permanent hormonal change?
:-)

Overheard...

Taking the cat to the vet: "Mom, let me carry her [in the carrier]. You can't lift things right now--think of the BABY!" To the vet and anyone in the waiting room, etc.: "I have to carry her, my mom's pregnant and can't carry things right now."

On nutrition in pregnancy: Husband - "Well, cheese is good, right?" Me - "Umm...yeah certain kinds. What do you mean?" Husband - "Well, like pizza, right? Its got tomato and cheese--those are good."

We have Graduated! - Updated w/pics

The ultrasound went very well. Saw the heartbeating at 179; saw the spud spudding (budding limbs) and saw the umbilical cord. Tadpole is doing quite well, has grown and its still growing. The doctor said all signs are very good and have all hit the incidators for a successful full term. So, as the staff at the Fertility Clinic said--You are Graduated! No more Clinic! My next appointment is with an OB on October 11th.

I will update with pictures (as soon as I can get the scanner to work).

As for the Fertility Clinic--I really liked them. If anyone is looking for a clinic to go to in New England/Massachusetts area, let me know and I can fully recommend them. They were personable, not in your face, but very nice. The three Dr.s are well known in their fields, etc. I always felt they were looking for our best interests.

So, another hurdle over, and frankly, I am starting to feel optimistic (don't tell anyone!).

UPDATE:


Bottoms Up--Head on the bottom of picture.


Heart Beat


Tadpole

Nerves of Noodles

Everything seems to be going fine, but yet I can't help but be completely mental about tomorrow's ultrasound. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is so not like the last time. At 8 weeks last time, I was blissfully unaware of the many dangers that could be lurking. Now, I am obsessively checking on my symptons. When I don't feel pregnant I worry, and when I do feel pregnant I ease up just a little bit but then my mind says--hold on its so early still. UGH!

So, needless to say, I am not expecting much sleep from now until tomorrow morning. Luckily, the U/S is first thing in the morning.

Come on--let's go through another hurdle!

The Next Ten - Movie Edition

21. Some of my favorite old movies are: Citizen Kane; Casablanca; Sound of Music; The Gold Rush (Charlie Chaplin); Singing in the Rain; Modern Times (Charlie Chaplin); Duck Soup (Marx Bros); Horse Feathers (Marx Bros.): Bringing Up Baby; Philadelphia Story; The Third Man; Rear Window; Vertigo....okay, so you get I like old movies, right??!?

22. How I rate Star Trek Movies:

1) IV - Voyage Home
2) II - Wrath of Khan
3) VI - Undiscovered Country
4) III - Search for Spock
5) Next Gen - First Contact

(The rest we will pretend did not happen) Oh, and yes, I prefer Kirk to Picard. (Although I like Picard--he is no Kirk!)

23. How I rate Star Wars Movies (Before George Lucas decided to mess with them):

1) IV: New Hope (ahh, Han Solo!)
2) V: Empire Strikes Back (No! Han!)
3) VI: Return of the Jedi (Aww! Han!!)
4) III: Revenge of the Sith (The best of the "new" ones)
5) II: Attack of the Clones (less Jar Jar!!)
6) I: Phantom Menance (Jar Jar?!?! - can't he be killed??!?!)


24. Some of my favorite Science Fiction Movies: Blade Runner; Alien; The Day the Earth Stood Still; Planet of the Apes; Logans Run; Soyelant Green (psst...its made of People!); Omega Man; Superman; A.I.; Terminator; A Clockwork Orange; BodySnatchers (yes, the theme starts emerging, eh?)

25. I like to go to see the Alloy Orchestra play original scores to silent movies, my favorite of theirs - Metropolis.

26. The first movie we took Michael to - "Powder Puff Girls: The Movie"; the movie we took him to recently - "The Simpsons Movie"

27. Recent Movies I have liked and consider "classic": Shindler's List; Saving Private Ryan; Raiders of the Lost Ark; The Godfather; Kill Bill I & II; Grindhouse; Dead Again; Spider-Man 2...I am sure there are more.

28. I am so glad documentaries have become vogue. I like to see them on the big screen! The first documentary I remember seeing at the theatre-"Hoop Dreams" I remember watching "Farenheit 9-11" and thinking - "NOW people will GET it"...I was wrong. :-/

29. I used to regularly watch the Oscars--until I realized they weren't ever going to pick good movies for best picture! (Have you seen The Departed??)

30. While I LOVE movies, I am particularly interested in the picture that is different in some way--whether independent and intellectual or funny in a dippy out of the box sense. I prefer movies that make me think about what they are about, not how they did them. I have no problems with special effects, but don't want to be overpowered by them. I can be picky.

Next 10 things about me...

11. I LOVE chocolate. I am an affirmed choc-holic. I can not go through a day without some chocolate. And since last year, I have really, really tried to curb that--but it has seemed better to have the no sugar added chocolate ice cream, etc. and the occassional chocolate fix than to totally give it up.

12. I like gorey true crime. I have read tons of books on Jack the Ripper and the JFK Assassination. I have a few books hidden in the house that have morgue and homicide photos, etc. (Yes, I am sick like that). One of my favorite websites is Find A Death.

13. I am an athiest. I have nothing against anyone's religion, being brought up Roman Catholic and husband was brought up Jewish. We still have a Christmas tree and a Menorah, but its mainly secular traditions for us. I feel like I am "coming out" every time I say that I am an athiest. I think athiests have a bad reputation as people who are not open minded, and the fact is that I am very open minded, and sometimes feel that people who are very religious are not open minded (the whole homosexuals are evil thing, other religions but ours is evil thing, etc.). I think religion is a great thing for many many people and I do not mean to offend anyone. But, I also think that many atrocities are made in religion's name. And I cannot be a part of that.

14. I am a cynical liberal. I worked very hard last presidential election to get Bush unelected. I even volunteered time for the Clark campaign. I think I got my first inkling on how one can work so hard for something, and get nothing (great training for IVF). Nada. After the election, I could not believe people could elect this idiot again. I still can't believe it. But so far, I am not impressed with the Democrats either. And I don't like Hillary. (okay, I said it). Right now, I am going with Barak, like my vote will count anyways...

15. Okay, I guess I have to go a little lighter on the next ones, eh?!? Um...I like Star Trek over Star Wars; Beatles over Elvis; New Battlestar Galatica over Old; and I LOVED Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones (Brad Pitt can suck eggs). Its a toughie between Buffy vs. Angel, but I have to go with Angel (Seasons 1-3) over Buffy (Seasons 6 & 7). Oh that hurt...

16. My favorite color is blue; the color I wear most is black, my hair is auburn.

17. I originally wanted to be a film director, based on my love of "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

18. I love history and nature and find that Massachusetts has a splendid mix of these things.

19. I like swimming, especially in pools, although I am by no means a good swimmer.

20. I like trying new things.

Ten Things about me...

Taking a cue from Samatha, I am going to do 100 things about me...10 at a time.

1. I met my husband at a Star Trek club meeting at the University we were both going to. (That pretty much says a lot right there!)

2. I lived most of my childhood in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

3. We originally thought we would name our first pet chinchilla "Darth Vader".

4. I like to scrapbook, although haven't done much lately (hmm..been a bit pre-occupied).

5. I have an old pinball machine sitting in my living room right now. It's upside down and doesn't work. Supposedly, someone (HUSBAND) is going to move it before the holidays....

6. Speaking of holidays--I was born on one (Christmas). And no, it didn't bother me as a kid--my parents were cool with it; and no my parents didn't name me something Christmas like.

7. I love to read, as does husband and now our son. We read all sorts of things, including comic books, fiction, nonfiction, magazines, gum wrappers...

8. I love sushi and crab ragoons.

9. I lost 70lbs. last year (Now I will have to gain some back I suppose--and it kinda worries me).

10. I love hiking in nature (one of the few things my husband and I don't have in common).

Third Grade Already!?!? - Updated

I cannot believe that he is already in 3rd Grade. His first day went well, he liked his teacher and he has a few friends in his class (his best friend is not in his class this year unfortunately). This morning, he made sure we got the required photos for First School Day. Including this very posed shot (the white tiger is the school's mascot). Hmm...not that posed--I see the cat snuck in...

And you know its the school year when he brings home a scholastic book order form!

Happy School Year!

UPDATE: Now with video

April 27, 2008

6w2d

We got to the clinic 5 mins. late. And waited. And waited. The Doctor was late. But we hadn't even had the ultrasound yet. We waited some more. We read a lot of magazines (I wish I had brought my book). We got nervous--on top of everything else, we had our neighbor watching Michael, and we had told her it would be only an hour (and she had to get to work, etc.). And we waited.

FINALLY, they took us in for the ultrasound. And it was perfect. Every thing is normal. Every thing is the way it should be. AND we even saw a heartbeat (111 bpm). A heart beat! I hadn't expected that we would be lucky to see that. So, the little tadpole is there..and we are happy.

After more waiting, we talked to the doctor. We will start Pregesterone suppositories tomorrow (hopefully) and half our Estrace. Come back in 2 weeks for another U/S. THEN, 2 weeks after that...he advised us to get an OB!! Before we left, he gave me a hug! I got hugged by the doctor! He said that I had done everything that needed to be done, that we had done our best!

I like getting hugs...

I will update with scan of u/s once I am at home...

Lazy Like a Cat...

Going to Rockport for the long weekend. Motel near the beach, seafood, shops and fun. AND a non-IVF or baby related book!

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Third Beta

Third Beta is 3,098 ("progressing nicely"). I have an ultrasound scheduled for Sept. 4th.

Another hurdle over!!

I think this deserves a Snoopy Dance!



As for symptons, my appetite has increased. I have cravings, mainly for salty things which is unlike me. However, some cravings I have had lately I can tell are more because of all this anxiety...so I have to watch it. And, of course, I am already dying for some sushi (hush, sushi craving, hush...you can wait 10 months or so).

Also have some slight pangs of sickness, although so far been able to deal without the ultimate hurl...the biggest thing--I am totally and utterly exhausted. Last time I was able to go home after work and take a nap. Not so easy with an 8 year old. I am not looking forward to school--I will have to help him with his homework (stay focused, Michael!), meanwhile I will be drifting out of focus myself.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?!?

IVF Anecdote #2:

You know you are an IVF nut when you go to an amusement park and set your cell phone alarm so that you can skip out to the car and take your PIO. Yep, in the light of the parking lot, one could see me and my husband "shooting up". I guess we were just lucky that it was late enough (9 p.m.), and dark enough that no one saw us. Fun!

Cautiously Optimistic...still kinda sucks

I feel lucky to get to this stage, I really do. And I know that I should not be complaining, because we have been lucky so far. BUT -- the whole waiting for the next hurdle is getting old. I wanna be able to just enjoy it, like I did the first time. But, Nooo. Now I preface everything with "It's still a little too early" and end conversations with "hopefully, if all goes right".

Last night I was in tears because I felt I jinxed it by telling (having to tell) most everyone at work (its a small company--there was no way around the second round of IVF without letting them know).

SO, I guess its still the IVF LIMBO at the moment...

I will find some things to distract me, hopefully!

Beta at 152

Next beta is on 28th.

So far the only symptons have been an increase in appetite, and some cramping on my legs. Also, uncomfortable nights sleep (did not think that would happen so early). Oh, this could be related, but I am also incredibly tired.

It still hasn't quite sunk in yet. And I am still trying to be cautiously optimistic...

Its one of those things where it has been so long to get to this point, we have prepared for so long and then stopped preparing and now, now... it could be here. Dare I read the book about having a second pregnancy that I bought so optimistically 5 years ago? Do I start going through all the baby clothes in the basement that I have saved and saved?

I guess I got a potential 9 months to go through those... at the very least I will wait until after the 28th before I start to call on OBs (although I have a list of them already).

Update: Here's an interesting article (you'll have to cut and paste--doing this at work on a Mac): http://www.technologyreview.com/Biotech/19284/page1/

And the winner is...

Beta at 62! Doc wanted at 50, so great results. I have next beta Tuesday--but it's official---I am pregnant!

As Husband said "Fucking A!"

And I cried...

The photo's not the greatest, but it clearly says "Pregnant".

My first reaction was--it could be wrong. My second was to cry my eyes out while hugging Husband. We have waited for 5 years for this. I have seen so many negative HPTs, I did not even think this one was possible. Now, I just want to get the beta tomorrow, I need to know this is real. Right now, there are so many variables...right now I wasn't even sure I was going to put this picture up. But my husband said: "Let's just be happy for today and enjoy it now." So I am.

Trying and failing to remain positive...

Okay, a little over 2 days left, and I am only freaking out just a bit. I have no symptons of pregnancy (nor probably should I). Sometimes a little cramp or soreness, which could mean anything. I bought the most expensive HPT I could find, digital and everything. I will test tomorrow morning, if I get the nerve up. And then Sunday is the beta.

I am feeling a bit negative right now. Perhaps its because Husband has been away all week, but I just can't be positive right now. IVF #1 started with such promise and was a bust. This one I took with more cautious optimism, but after the medications seemed to produce higher levels, we still did not get as many eggs out as I wanted. The doc said the egg quality was better, but still I got the news yesterday that number three embie had "arrested development" and therefore was not able to be frozen. So, I keep thinking...if that one couldn't survive, what about Atia and Servilla? Are they just breaking up in the atmosphere or what? Originally, I thought all our issues were mainly about (1) male infertility and (2) my weight. I have spent a whole lot of time and energy to fix number 2 (I've lost 70 lbs. though I could stand to lose 20 more); and supposedly this process fixes number 1. SO, you would think it would work, right??!

I already know that if this one doesn't work, I want to wait out the rest of the year. I don't need this up and down and appointments and needles and all this crap during the beginning of the school year (tough enough with the IEP meetings and dealing with ADHD medications, etc.). And then the holidays. So, if its negative, the third cycle will have to wait until next year.

There. At least I have a plan. Doesn't make me feel any better, but there it is.

"I want to put babies on spikes." "Go, then! Go! What a wonderful idea. It's the American Dream!" - The Great Eddie Izzard

Yes, I am remaining calm...yep...calm...

Hmm..what to do to remain calm...

Aside from obsessing over non-existent or perceived symptons, embryology searches on the internet, going over the percentages at my clinic of successes (in my age group - 40%--knew that going in), clicking onto all the cyclesistas that I can find, and obsessing about how much obsessing I am doing...

I am Great!

Well, actually, I am holding my own. Some techniques that I am trying this time around are working. Trying deep breathing and visualizing calm colors. I am also trying to take it easy as much as I can--the laundry be damned! And I am Trying to focus on the here and now (easy while Husband is away--there is still so much to do). One day at a time. Also, no POAS. I am going to try to stick (so to speak) with that. I only have until Sunday. I can do it. (Well, I might buckle under on Saturday).

Anyone have any techniques for getting through the 2WW?

BTW, thanks for all the comments...this blog is more for me to just put stuff down from my head, but its nice to have encouragement and know that other people are dealing with the same issues as I am.