Things Done, Things to Do, Excitement, Anxiety and Guilt - UPDATED

Warning: As the title suggests – rambling post!

Sometimes 3 months is an eternity and sometimes it is too short. Sometimes I feel we have made progress and sometimes I wearily look at my “To Do” list and realize that there is still more to do.

Significant things have been done – we now have a good part of the nursery done—its merely clean up type items. We have gotten DAYCARE set up (aside from signing the contract next week). We have a lot of clothes for the first month or two. We have started the process of getting Michael “ready” for a sibling. We already took a quickie tour of L&D. One of the most important things was done today—THE TALK with the boss over leave time. I think we worked out a very fair leave time (with PAY, which was my main sticking point). It won’t be as much time as I had with Michael, but those were different circumstances (I was laid off because of a merger, I took all my vacation time because I knew of impending merger, etc.).

Amongst the not done listing - need to call the other provider we decided to not take (I hate saying no, and we liked her—but…there had to be a second choice!). We still need to get a travel system (car seat/stroller) and other small things (diapers, crib mattress pad, bath lotion, etc.). Things that can be gotten after the fact (except the Car Seat of course!), things I remember in the middle of the night…(and go “did we really need/use that the last time?”) I have the baby registry up—but so far, I am the only one buying things on it---(I got a gift card from work for the holidays!).

We still have the classes coming up, but not until March/April (!) We signed Michael up for a Siblings Class. I worry that since he is going to be 9 (!) he may be the oldest one there. I wonder how much it will help—I suppose every little bit helps. The boy is a sponge with knowledge, so I hope he learns something useful. Signed us up for a refresher class, despite the fact that we are going to be doing a scheduled C-Section, because, frankly, you never know. OB hasn’t told me when the scheduled C-Section is going to be—maybe next appointment…

And, aside from all the material things, there are the emotional things to deal with.

The other night, husband said he was “excited” about Willow and couldn’t wait. And I felt that excitement too. Then I felt anxiety. I worry that I will get preeclampsia again. I worry that I will have a complication. I worry when the baby doesn’t move. Sometimes I can call her Willow. Sometimes I can’t bring myself to hope. This is definitely not like when I was pregnant with Michael. I mean, I had anxiety (esp. when he did not move) but mostly, it took so much to get to this point this time that I can’t help but worry that something will go wrong. And then I read other blogs where it has. And then I feel guilty. I feel guilty that it only took 2 IVF’s for us to get here. I feel guilty for posting all this stuff about progess towards a goal so many people are still struggling to achieve. I feel guilty for already having a child.

Oh, and I have other anxieties too—will Michael be able to deal with this HUGE life change? Will we be able to deal with a newborn and a kid with ADHD? Will we have some type of structure for everyone? What about going into surgery again? (I had an emergency C-Section after 14 hours labor last time--boy was that FUN!) And what about the cat!?!? (Okay, okay---Gabby will be fine)

So, I guess, I am saying---life is good, crazy, and scary. I should be thankful more often, guilty less so and I should chill out.

Okay. I will put that on my list.

UPDATE:
Thank you all for such supportive comments! I tend to be the supportive one in my family, and sometimes its nice to be the one receiving the encouragement! As for the inquiries on my registry--first off, thank you so very much; second off, I am registered at Amazon.com; third off, if you are registered please let me know where too (not only do I want to reciprocate, but also its FUN to see what other people are getting--sometimes I get some new ideas!).

UPDATE THE SECOND: Just after I checked the registry out again, I realized that my work just bought me something (its a sort of surprise, however, they did ask me what I would want) and it looks like I at least will be able to bring Willow home in style

Nursery Progress II - Mural Progress - Updated

Our friend Ana came over today and started on the mural. It was amazing to watch how quickly it took shape. Huge progress was made today!


She started by making the sky (with her hands).


With sky and ground.



First animal. (CUTE!)



Monkey, lion. Onto elephant and giraffe...


More detail...


The mural so far...


Ana with the mural.



And while she was doing the mural, she gave Michael a project - paint initials for the bedroom doors (he picked out the colors).


UPDATE: If you would like to send suggestions on things that could be "hidden" in the grass of the mural, please see Ana's blog...

Nursery Progress

Over the holiday week, we finished painting and assembled the crib. Below are some pics. I am waiting for some nursery decor and then will update with a more finished look...

The nursery decor will be safari related. Our friend will be painting a mural on the wall opposite from the crib (which will be in the corner). Bought the crib mattress last week.


Painting done, tape not removed.

Considering I did most of the painting, its not a bad job. Did some touch up, need to touch up a few places that got green (and should be white). Otherwise, its all good to go.



Our friend J. and my husband assembled the crib. The instructions are glued onto the mattress bottom. Which is good that you can't lose them, but try to assemble it with the instructions stuck on the pieces!


This a convertible crib (which can be turned into a daybed, toddler bed and full sized bed). Between the railings you can see the little lion nightlight we bought.

Mixed Messages

Went to my OB's office yesterday for monthly check up (only have one more monthly check up, then its every 2 weeks).  I was a little worried, as I have gained some weight (7 lbs.) since last appointment.  Last time I had went, my OB was happy that I had maintained and everything was great.  But this was the same person who made me feel like crap the first time I met her.  So, I wasn't looking forward to it.  BUT I did not meet with her.  I met with the NP, who was the person I had my initial appointment with.  And she is totally cool and handled my concerns on my gain with such positive comments ("Who hasn't gained weight during the holidays!"  "...you're doing your best...").  And this was the way she had been during my first appointment with her.  It was like night and day, and made me realize that I have to sometimes just go by my own instincts.  I explained to her that I was hoping to only gain half of what I gained with Michael (not the 15 lbs. only that OB is pushing for) and she was fine with this plan (and mentioned that "...Dr. ______ is really strict on weight...") and encouraged me to try my best.  It was refreshing to get that from someone professional.   

The rest of the appointment was uneventful---she had trouble finding the heartbeat (my own heart stopped for a few seconds), but that was mainly because Willow was moving around a lot. Heart beat was found and it was strong.  Next up, I have another Glucose Test and blood work....next appointment Feb. 4th.  (I miss getting Ultrasounds!)

P.S. Tracking my weight on What to Expect When Your Expecting website---I am within the normal range...

The Ketchup Incident

Okay, my hormones are very tricky.   When I figured they would be in overdrive--like when I was on the fertility drugs--I was pretty calm.  Being pregnant, I figured - "Hey, I have rode this rollercoaster before and (other than wicked PostPartum Depression) I was cool--should be an easy ride."  (Note, I have not consulted my other half to find out if I was indeed a hormonal pregnant woman last time around--what does he know, right?!?) 

I think those hormones were just waiting around during the IVF follies, and now they are raring to go!  For example:

I bought 2 bottles of Heinz One Carb ketchup last week. I am the only one who uses this ketchup--I actually like it, and it makes me feel like I am not using useless carbs/sugars. I put one in the fridge. (I mention the specialness of the ketchup, because, damn it...I really should have been upset with what happen next...I mean, its MY somewhat more expensive ketchup...right!?!) Last weekend I took out my lunch from the fridge, and the ketchup fell out and BURST open (the plastic completely and utterly cracked open). Ketchup was everywhere. I mean, it looked like a crime scene. And, in front of my husband and 8 year old son, I totally utterly lost it.   I was crying like my best friend had died.  I just could not stopping crying--and I mean the type of crying where you can't catch a breath!  Over ketchup!!! 

Looking back--it was funny.  Really.   

Notes on Christmas 2007

Christmas Eve: Was taken out to my favorite Japanese Steakhouse, requested extra fried rice (really too much!--I have left overs to prove it). Came home, opened presents, Michael wore the Santa Hat and passed them out. Had a few presents that were addressed to Willow (already!). Then my bro and his fiancee came over and we had Birthday Cake a day early. CHOCOLATE! YUM!

Then the real fun began---my son woke up at quarter to midnight to make SURE that everyone went to bed before Santa came. And he then came in our bed. He was literally shaking from head to toe with anticipation and excitement. The next 4 hours I stayed up with him. He just could not get to sleep. Every so often he went to one of the upstairs windows to check if the special oats he had thrown out for the reindeer was gone. I tried everything (apart from bringing him downstairs where "Santa" had already came). It was SO CUTE. Only at 3:30 a.m. did I start to lose it and mutter "really, now, this is getting f--ing ridculous...we both need to sleep!" (Oh, and hubby can sleep through ANYTHING---and he did...) Finally, Michael asked me to check to see if Santa had eaten his cookies (luckily we had)....and yes, I checked and around 4 a.m. my son and I finally fell asleep (getting back up at 7 a.m.). It was cute, it was annoying, it was heartbreaking, it was exhausting and it was WONDERFUL. The highlight of my Christmas.

After that, everything else was a blur. Michael got all he wanted and more, I got a GPS for my birthday (I wanted a massage--I guess this is better!). And Willow was thought about (and she made her presence known every so often).

Holiday Greetings and Thoughts

Another year older (literally) and I cannot say whether I am wiser, but I do feel happier. This year has had an unusual share of ups and downs. At the beginning of the year, I was lamenting my son getting older and our lack of giving him a sibling was looming ever larger. At the beginning of the year, I had lost 50 lbs. and was on my way to being healthier. At the beginning of the year, I had no idea what "IVF" stood for. I had never heard of GonalF Pens, or "PIO". But I soon would learn a LOT about them. In the middle of the year, I thought all was lost on the IVF front. By the fall, I was astounded (and a little bit cautious) with my good fortune. The end of this year has brought me something I did not think was possible at the end of last year. And I am so thankful!!

I am particularly thankful for my husband and son for being with me and helping me through this year. And for the Bloggers out there, from which I learned a whole lot...not just about the specifics of fertility treatments, but about the courage and persistence that it takes to go down this path. I wish for everyone a great coming year!


Christmas Songs for the Athiest

Braces Bunch Alert!!

Jeannine at I Think We Made A Nugget is in the hospital on bed-rest (2 weeks plus already). Send her something to amuse her, either via internet (she has a laptop) or via snail mail!

Having been on bedrest before, I can't tell you how much it would have meant to get something to distract me!

AND:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS to all the Braces Bunches out there!!

Things To Do During a Snow Storm...

Well, not used to New England getting two snowstorms in a row (makes me think of my younger years in Michigan). But, at least today, we could do things indoors without much trouble...for one, I added the Braces Bunch to my blog roll...


Like play videogames...and boardgames...and some Wii games....


Eat chocolate cake...sorry, it was too good, too quickly eaten for a picture...


Watch classic Holiday Fare...Note the letter from Santa Claus Michael received in the mail (from the NORTH POLE) on Friday...he was in such wonder and held the letter all that night...


Finish (FINALLY) the last wave of holiday cards...

But, by far, my favorite thing we did today...

Start painting the Nursery...(I did not have masking tape, so this was just a start--Michael had fun painting "W"s on the walls (for Willow). The color is "Willow Leaf".


I don't know if you can tell, but our friend Ana started the mural--she outlined it in chalk...you can kinda see the giraffe and the elephant... (if you click on the above image, its a bit more clearer)


The crib is for X-Mas week...


Oh, and I guess...shovel snow!

Book Tour - Handmaids Tale

Margaret Atwood is one of my favorite author's and "The Handmaid's Tale" is one of my favorite books, so when the Barren Bitches Book Brigade decided to "tour" this book, I could not resist. I first read this book in college. I have a copy and thumb through it now and again, but this was the first time in about 2 years that I had actually read it cover to cover. And it was the first time I had read it while dealing with infertility. It was amazing to see how I had sympathy for not only Offred but also Serena, which was something I had not had before. As usual, it was a book I could not put down, as usual, I found parallells in this society. I also highly recommend the movie made some time ago with Robert Duval, Fay Dunaway and Natasha Richardson.

Below are questions and my answers from the book tour:

Question: Aunt Lydia describes the handmaids as "a transitionalgeneration," that has the especially difficult job of normalizing the new fertility practices(chapter 20.) Do you think that infertile women today can be called a transitional generation? If so, in what ways were things different before, and how do you think things might be different after?

Yes, I do believe this is the transitional generation of infertiles.

Scientifically, it is definitely a transitional period. Since the 1970s the reproductive sciences have explored the many ways to help infertiles, with often mixed results. Even today, scientists are just now understanding what makes a viable embryo and what limits there are to manipulating eggs and sperm. Techniques that were used 10 – 15 years ago are being rapidly replaced with new protocols and medications that have helped to increase success rates. And yet, there are still many questions left to answer. We joke that it is a lottery, but in many ways, it is.

Socially and economically it is a transitional period. The fact that many states do not cover fertility treatments in their health care coverage causes fertility treatments to be too expensive for many infertiles. The ones who can afford treatment are often looked upon in society as people who have “chosen” to do something for their infertility which is “foolish” or “extravagant” and often chided for not “just adopting”. This lack of understanding of the process of fertility treatments versus adoption, etc. is in a transitional state as well, as more and more infertiles are sharing their stories. I do think that the internet and other media are helping to change people’s attitude towards the infertile world. I do think that health care reform will cause many of the procedures to be covered. I think that sharing our voices in this cause will make a difference to the next generation.


Question: One major theme through this book is the role that religion plays in the new society's "quest for babies" (arguably, it's a very sinister role, but a role nonetheless). In fertility treatments, you often hear of the religion playing a role in the lives of the men and women who undergo treatments – some won't reduce as it's against their views, some won't undergo certain types of treatments, and others separate their views on religion from their views on the science of fertility treatments and options. What role did/does religion play or not play in your fertility treatments or child-rearing choices?

I feel that the book really showed the dangers of a theocracy (and why I don’t believe in organized religion). Their agenda was forced onto society and there was no “choice” for the men and women in that society. Forcing an ideal, whether its “moral” or “ethical” on another person is choking and suffocating to not only the individual but the society as a whole. And it eventually will breakdown that society.



For me, the moral and ethical issues with fertility treatments were not as important as the logistics and economics of the options we had. But my experience is different from anyone else, and because of that, I do not feel that my choices should be the only ones out there.

Being a secondary infertile, there is the guilt of already having something that many do not---a healthy child. We did debate about whether we “really” wanted another child. However, given our family dynamics we felt a sibling was definitely something we wanted and needed. And we had decided that no matter what, we were going to have another one, whether by adoption or treatment. Fertility treatments are covered in my state (IVF for 3 cycles). Adoption is not. It came down to the economics. Morally, I would have had no problem with adopting. Morally, I would have no problem with egg donation/sperm donation. I believe that what ever it takes to make a family, that is what you do.

As for child-rearing and religion, I feel that people have moral compasses whether or not they have religion. Teach your child the golden rule “treat others as you wish to be treated”.


Question: On pg. 70, Offred is discussing her past studies of psychology and at this time she mentions a study done on three pigeons trained to peck at buttons for grain. She states: Three groups of them: the first got one grain per peck, the second one grain every other peck, the third was random. When the man in charge cut off the grain, the first group gave up quite soon, the second group a little later. The third group never gave up. They'd peck themselves to death rather than quit. While reading these lines, I could not help but identify with the third group of pigeons. Sadly, I think I've come to a point where I will never give up, even if it means death before success. How about you? Do you identify with one of these groups? What do you think Atwood's intention was in including this bit of information?

I identify with the second group. We went into fertility treatments feeling like we needed to try this solution first, but if we tried the three cycles and it did not work, I think we would have started to explore other options, such as adoption. We had already started filling out the forms to be foster-to-adopt. I take the analogy as saying that the third group would never give up to the point of losing the actual goal, and Atwood’s use of it to show the desperation and hopelessness of the society’s goals in general and the Handmaids and Wives goals in specific.

Intrigued by the idea of a book tour and want to read more about The Handmaid's Tale? Hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Brigade by visiting the master list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. Want to come along for the next tour? Sign up begins today for tour #9 (The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler with author participation!) and all are welcome to join along . All you need is a book and blog.

20 Weeks...Reflections

I thought I would celebrate the half-way point by writing down my reflections from almost nine years ago. I found a partially completed Pregnancy Calendar from when I was pregnant with Michael. Since I have been writing about this pregnancy here on the blog, I thought it would be a good thing to remember when my earlier pregnancy was such an innocent venture...

Here are some entries:

Week 7 (7-10-98): "Went to my first exam today. Liked the doctor. He made me feel comfortable and made me laugh. Saw an ultrasound of the baby. So SMALL!! Got to keep a picture - brought to McDonald's and to [husband]'s work."

Week 12 (8-11-98): [Husband] and I heard the hearbeat for the first time!! Very fun!! [Husband] was so nervous, he kept figeting. I am just happy to finally hear the baby!

Week 17+ (9-20-98): Things have been going well. I have gained 5 pounds and I feel "more" pregnant. We have started buying stuff for "el Twerpo". Both [husband] and I can not wait! Today I have been mostly by myself. I am getting a little anxious and overwhelmed about all the things that have to be done.... Most of our time is spent with everyday things. It is only when you slow doen do you realize the task ahead is so major!

Week 20+ (10-11-98): Bought a crib and dressing table from Sears yeaterday. Very excited!! I am getting anxious to meet "el Twerpo" and want to get nursery all in order. I think this is the nesting instinct in motion!

Week 25 (11-9-98): Things are starting to seem more real. I can feel "el Twerpo" move! It feels like pop corn popping in my stomach. Sometimes it tickles, and I smile or chuckle because of it. I really can't wait to meet the new person who is growing inside me. [Husband] and I are very very excited and anxious for the baby!

Week 25+ (11-12-98): Found out through ultrasound that the baby is a boy! I am so grateful! I so wanted a son and I am so happy that everything is going so well! I thought that knowing the sex would take something away -- actually it has given me a chance to get to know Michael before he even arrives!!

Week 30 (12-16-98): Michael keeps kicking pretty hard although not as often as before. We are getting closer to deciding on a daycare. Also, anticipating going to Michigan. Bought some nice tops last week and think that I look pretty nice in them indeed! [Husband] felt Michael kicking last night. Thought that my stomach popped up like this: [drawing of a bump]!! Both of us can't wait to meet him!!

Week 32 (12-30-98): We have been visiting with family in Michigan. I have had sinuitus and a cold for over 2 weeks. It is making me feel miserable, especially since I cannot take any strong medications. I think being sick is making me a bit depressed and more anxious about the whole birth thing -- ultimately you are alone in your suffering..."

After that--no more entries. I actually ended up with bronchitus. Then pre-clampsia and pregnancy hypertension. Two weeks bed-rest and induction, full labor without medication--12+ hours that ended with an emergency C-Section.

And it was so damned worth it!!!!

Love you Michael!!

Can't wait for you, Willow!!

Things About Me - 90 - 100

Finally, the final ten, which will be randomness (and I mean Random). It actually is hard to come up with 100 things that can be shared on the internet.

91. Famous person I have met: Rita Moreno (my friend met her on a bus when Ms. Moreno was doing a play at our university campus). We got backstage passes, and I have several pictures of me and my friend with Rita Moreno (in stage make-up--so its kinda scary looking).

92. Another famous person I have met: Bert Convy. I was like 4 years old. My dad played in the symphony, and Bert Convy was a guest singer.

93. I love the theatre, especially musicals. My first memory is going to "Annie" (I was again probably 4 years old). We were WAY up in the balcony area. I remember being quite bored, actually. One of my favorite memories is when my Grammie took me to see a high school production of Carousel. It was just me and her, I was in junior high school. I felt very adult. And then, my future husband used my then obsession with "Phantom of the Opera" to talk to me and used it as an excuse to come to my dorm for the first time (to borrow the CDs).

94. Christmas albums on my I-Pod: Christmas Portrait - The Carpenters; Charlie Brown Christmas - Vince Guaraldi; and The Muppets Christmas with John Denver. Also, "Christmas in Hollis" by Run DMC.

95. Two Birthday's ago, my husband gave me a new wedding ring--on a severed finger (it was a fake finger). Boy, does he know me!!! (My son kept the finger--I kept the ring). Last year, the ring got caught in the copier at work---wow, almost a real severed finger! Ring repaired, work paid for it--and I have all my digits...

96. I miss our chinchillas! They were so cute and fluffy! It has been a weird feeling to clean out "their" room out for the nursery. I am excited to be making a nursery, but every so often, I go upstairs to let the Chins out or to feed them...and then I look into the now almost empty room... I guess the room and I are at the in-between stage right now...

97. The first night of Hannukah was a success. We made edible dreidals (toothpick or pretzel rod; large marshmallow; hersheys kiss; icing to write the symbols), had latkes, and played the dreidal game. It was fun and Michael helped to make the latkes (not from scratch).

98. Magazines I/we subscribe to: Entertainment Weekly; National Geographic; National Geographic Kids; The New Yorker; Woman's Day; some computer gamer magazines (they keep changing their names!).

99. I have always wanted to learn to play the guitar and piano. I am also toying with joining a singing group--just like a glee club or something...I think the guitar lessons are more obtainable... (I know how to play clarinet and can play a few tunes on a piano).

100. Things I am thinking of accomplishing during maternity leave: re-arrange the cabinets in the kitchen; clean out and re-arrange the basement; organize and sort through my scrapbooking stuff;
organize my filing/bills; meet up with a mother support group---yeah, right....well, we shall see how many of those things get done....


To see the others, go here, here, here, and here, and here, and still more, almost done, and here, and finally here.

How cool is this?

My first clothing buy for Willow:




Okay, Okay...that was really the second clothing buy...this was the first:





Yep, that's showing my sick AND my sweet side...

It's a GIRL!!!

We went to the U/S today, taking Michael with us. We had the technician tell Michael and he told me (although he wants to withhold telling dad until tonight--shh...dad already kinda figured it out). We could kinda tell from his look when the tech whispered it to him--that somewhat disappointed look, but yet okay look. When he took me into the hallway to tell me, he said "its a girl". And I asked him if he was okay with that. And he said he was...he's been switching between calling it a girl and calling it a boy for some time now, so while I know he wanted a brother, he is not upset with a sister. (Its still kinda intangible to him yet)

SO, our baby is a girl, her name will be Willow Leone ("Lee-own").

The rest of the ultrasound was very long and drawn out (Michael started getting bored). They were checking out all the vitals, brain, kidneys, etc. Michael at first was very interested in the mechanics of it all, even telling the technician to make sure to look at the bladder, etc. But the baby--SHE, was moving around a LOT and they had to keep me moving to different sides, etc. to get all the measurements they wanted. The end result -- everything is fine and dandy!

Michael has the ultrasound pictures (his teacher said he could bring them into school), so I will post them later.

Thankfulness

I have a lot to be thankful for (my health, my son, my husband, a roof over my head, etc.), but I needed to write down the things that I am most thankful for this year especially.

1. Medical science and the clinic that helped me and my husband achieve our goal. They were always so courteous and helpful, always willing to inform us when we asked our many many questions. Especially the bloodwork ladies who gently poked me many many times with many many needles.

2. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts for their policy of covering IVF and other infertility treatments. I am so thankful that for my 2 cycles, doctors appointments, many tests etc. I paid approximately $300.00. I cannot imagine going through these procedures with the added financial stress and burden.

3. The baby growing inside me. It has been so many years of trying, that even now, at 17 weeks, I sometimes cannot believe it is really growing inside me. And then it moves. And the wonderful popping corn motion feels me with such warmth and wonder.

4. The wonderful IF community in blogland. Without them, I would not have been able to deal with the terrible 2 week wait. To see their struggles, successes and failures made me more resolved (esp. after the first cycle went bust). It is wonderful that the internet has brought together such a wonderful community.

5. My husband, who went out and got me a piece of chocolate cake at 10 p.m. when I was depressed and weary and hormonal during the IVF cycle. Who babied me during the Egg Retrieval. Who held my hand during the Embryo Transfer. And now he is such a worry wart with the pregnancy, that he won't even let me lift a grocery bag!

6. My son, who is way too smart to not know what is going on, who has already told everyone in his class that we are not only pregnant, but that they used to call it a "Test Tube Baby". He will make such a wonderful big brother.

Vivid Dream

I had a vivid dream last night that won't leave me. I was in some non-descript somewhere. In between Michigan (where I grew up) and New England. All my family was there (including some people who are dead). Husband’s family too. And I might have been in a hospital, or not, although I recall an outdoors setting. A doctor came up to me and said “It’s all done. Everything is fine now.” And I said “What do you mean? What happened?” The doctor was saying that I had given birth, everything was all set. Did I want to see my child? I was stunned…more because I did not remember going into labor, did not remember giving birth—and I kept telling the dream doctor that.

But soon, they brought out my little baby—and it was a girl! And I was holding my baby girl! It was great and weird, like meeting someone for the first time, but yet, knowing that it was not real. Then, all the family members came around to look. And then I woke up.

Lots of this dream are totally untrue: 1) Most of the family members are going to be 800 miles away (as they were for the first one); 2) Dead people – duh! and 3) Painless childbirth – double duh!

But I do hope that the last one, the baby girl part, is true. Maybe its an omen?!

Well, hopefully, next Tuesday I will know….

80 - 90 --Almost there! More useless things about me!

Current Events - Top Ten Things

81. Felt the baby move for the first time on Sunday while driving home from errands. (Squee!)

82. Everyone in my household needs a HAIRCUT!!! And this morning, as I am pasteing down a collick on my son's hair, he asked if he could have sideburns. (Uh...that's a no!)

83. I want to do a family portrait, since its been a few years, but I am too lazy to set up an appointment to go to the photo shop, and now its almost time where I TOTALLY avoid the mall area (which is only an exit away from us). Hmm...maybe I can con, uh, ask, my brother (who's a decent photog to do it).

84. I have kept, for the last 4 years, an exel spreadsheet of gifts that I give (to whom, what I got them, how much it costs). I am down to buying for about 10 more people. And yet, I STILL forget someone! :-) (Usually the postman)

85. Doing this at lunch time at work. Found out something interesting--the two microwaves in the kitchen--don't try to use both of them at once--they short each other out. Took me 15 mins to cook two things for 5. (Yes, I kept leaving the room).

86. Re-reading Sarah Vowell's "Assassination Vacation" and using it as a guidebook for places I want to visit--(Hey, look, its pieces of Lincoln's skull!).

87. Tonight is my monthly scrap-booking night. I am just too tired, so I planned to go home and just veg with the husband (which considering he was in Montreal on business all last week, was a good idea). Now, it sounds like he is going to work late tonight, which means (a) I wouldn't have been able to go scrapbooking anyway and (b) I won't get to hang out with him tonight.

88. November 27th is my next Ultra-Sound. The one in which we may find out the sex! Bringing Michael along with us, despite it being a school day--its at 9 a.m., he won't miss much--And I can't wait!

89. I am SO craving Pumpkin Pie and Mashed Potatoes and TURKEY. (I have been very very good and not had mashed potatoes in a long time--the Pumpkin Pie--well, when fall officially arrived around the first of October, I did buy one--but, I haven't had one since then!!)

90. Its heavily raining outside right now. Hearing it on the roof of the building, brings me back to rainy mid-afternoons, napping with husband at my dorm room in college. (I need a nap!)

Nutritionist Is Nice

Had the Nutritionist appointment yesterday, and I feel a lot better about things. First off, she thinks I was pretty much on track with my weight, although now I do have to start watching it. Check! Second, she actually knew of and approved the diet I was using to lose weight before I was pregnant (Low Carb for Dummies--good, sensible book) and she wasn't all Atkins. Check!

She and I talked about a pregnancy diet that I (hopefully) can live with. Its not too bad, although I guess my cravings for sweets is definately going to be tested...but she offered some good advice for my chocoholism.

It's mainly a diet used for diabetic pregnancies, with carbs and proteins placed throughout the day (a concept which I am not totally familar with). The usual 6 small meals a day, eat when you are hungry, eat the right foods, etc. So, I hope that I can stick with it, esp. with the Holidays coming...

Next up, that yummy Glucose test next week!

Ten Things About Me Numbers 71 - 80 - Holidays

Continuing with the 100 things about me...

71. My favorite holiday is Christmas, although I would say that the commercialism does tarnish it a bit for me. While I am an athiest, I did grow up Roman Catholic, so I do have fond memories of churches decked out in red and green, and the beautiful music. But, what I mainly like about Christmas is the spirit of giving and good will towards man. I love watching my son's eyes light up when he comes downstairs and sees what Santa has brought. Also like the holiday specials, etc.

72. For Thanksgiving, our tradition is to make our pumpkin pie and other pie (husband does not like pumpkin pie since an unfortunate pie-eating contest, where pumpkin pie stayed in his beard and mustache FOREVER) in the morning. And pie is eaten for breakfast. My son LOVES this tradition.

73. Halloween is a big deal for my son, as seen on earlier posts. It is a favorite of mine, although more because I LOVE to indulge in horror movie watching.

74. During the X-Mas season, I traditionally make chocolate and peanut butter fudge from recipes of my Grammies. I make it in her honor, and usually give most of it away to co-workers, mailman, etc. (Mainly cuz I would eat it--its really good). This is a big thing for me, since I don't really cook that much.

75. On July 4th, we traditionally go to an amusement park in New Hampshire with our friend John. We stay all day, and go out to eat dinner and come back for the fireworks.

76. A clear New Year's memory for me was listening when I was 7 or 8 years old to my father playing in a dance band on the local radio station.

77. Another holiday I like is Hannukah. I like the history and story about the oil lasting 8 days. I like lighting the Menorah. It is peaceful and the colorful candles are very beautiful. I like making Potato Latke's for the first night of Hannukah and inviting friends over to celebrate.

78. I like Labor Day, for the non-labor we do. Usually we go on a long weekend to a beach town. Its a way to say good-bye to the summer.

79. I like that my son's birthday is near President's Day (Feb. 21). And my husband's birthday is on July 5th; and mine is Dec. 25th.

80. I liked the movie "Ground Hog's Day". Its a good movie.

Being overweight sucks...

Went to the OB today. It was my first meeting with my actual Doctor, and while I heard the heartbeat, it was not the best first meeting.

I have gained 14 lbs. so far with this pregnancy. Unfortunately, they (which I did not know until she said it today)wanted me to gain 15 lbs. for the WHOLE pregnancy. So, there...obesity at its best! And, I could tell by her look, that this tall, thin OB thought I was some cake pounding, sandwich scarfing fat woman.

I am disappointed in myself. I had started out so well, eating right (occasionally letting myself have a craving, but generally eating veggies and fruit, 6 small meals a day, etc.) and building up my exercise routine from my IVF/Transfer time back to my regular routine. I was feeling good, and I had gained only 5 lbs. Then I got sick and had the cellulitis. The last week and a half have not been stellar. I was basically on bedrest, couldn't make dinner (and husband can't cook), so we had a LOT of take out/fast food. I knew it was bad, but frankly, I was depressed, sick, tired and bored--not good combinations for eating correctly. No exercise, barely in veggies and good stuff...but, what could I do? And since Saturday, I have been back to building up the exercise AGAIN, and eating right AGAIN...but, there is that 14 lbs. already. ACK!

And here I should be happy because Tadpole is doing great. But, I am depressed.

And the thing that got me was that talking to the OB's assistant last appointment, I told her how I had lost all that weight, how I was so committed to trying not to gain so much weight during this pregnancy. And it was such a positive meeting with her. She even gave me the number to the nutritionist...who I get to see next week. This appointment with the OB tore down all that and made me feel like she thought I had no willpower and was some fat slob.