It is Time...Game On!

Already February is close to ending...which means a tradition that I had no idea I would be a part of for so long...going Gaming all weekend!

Some of our best times, great times and worst times have been at this convention.

Michael and Willow have grown up around the convention...we have had lasting friendships forged and acquaintances who come year after year like us...we nod at each other as we go to our games...

Started packing our bags this morning, hoping for a good Con this year!

Birthday Hang-Out

Michael's Seventeen next Sunday.  Gone are those times when I plan and plan a birthday party for him.  I asked him what he wanted to do...he said "have a couple friends over for pizza and just hang out"

So, today, that is what they did.  We invited two friends over...and we had pizza and snacks...and Chewy, Willow and I stayed out of their hair.

Oh, I did indulge in getting an awesome cake....

Which was a huge hit...

It felt weird to be out of the way, not hosting something, not preparing games or setting things up or putting party decorations everywhere.  For almost 16 of his 17 years, I have hustled and barely had a breath, while producing a CELEBRATION.  Meanwhile, time moves on...and there is this mature 17 year old and his pals, joking and doing whatever teenagers do...when they expressly ask the last other adult hanger on (Chewy was kinda hovering at my request)...to leave, please.

I spent the time with Willow, watching a double feature of James and the Giant Peach (one of Michael's favorites...sigh) and Wizard of Oz (on VCR no less!!)

There are so many things I can write about how Michael has changed and grown, how he often shows a maturity and grace and sense of humor that out shines his frustration and behavior issues.  How he is working towards goals and progressing, how he is leaning towards science or film history...how he is a contradiction and a validation of our personalities.  As usual, he is often a mystery to me...and sometimes he is such a reflection of me. What a wonder to watch your first born grow up.  It seems so long ago that he was a toddler...I cannot really remember him as one any more.  I look back at my blog posts and remember.  

Happy Birthday, son.

Chugging Along with that "Normalcy Thing"...

Not too much time to write, but things are stuttering along to normalcy for a bit.  We finally got our first snow storm of the winter..and it wasn't too bad.  Considering last year we had over 3 feet of snow by now...this is a cake walk.  We have a new plow guy--my only fear is he seems to not necessarily worry about the lawn (which I don't normally either...but he did dig up a bit of neighbor's lawn last time he came...)
 
Chewy got a new job and is doing very well...as he usually does.  (Usually, outside/internal forces cause issues with his jobs lately, but his work ethic and quality of work is never in question).  The weird part this time is he is a contractor...although he gets benefits, there is a slight feel of difference.

Michael is doing well at school, with just a few outbursts/issues a week...he is learning to control his frustrations.  He is turning SEVEN.TEEN.OMG soon...this Saturday we are having a low key party--a couple of his friends (FRIENDS!) over for pizza, snacks, cake and movies.  I went to BJs last night and ordered a cake with the Phantom of the Opera on it.  A lot different than last years party...but that is fine...and strange...

Willow came down with the first Sick of the year--managing to catch a stomach bug that did not cause any real symptoms--until you had it.  No temp or any warning signs--just sudden, sharp pains in the stomach.  She shared it with Michael--and I spend a good portion of the last couple weeks picking up sick kids from school and dealing with their doctor.

I am doing fine...working on getting the Girl Scout cookie orders out...hoping to eventually get to reading more than just snatches of two books I am working on.  Chewy and I did a Binge Watch of all of Downton Abbey (after having watched the sixth season, we couldn't let go...we started from season one...and just finished the series (again)) last night.  (Its the little things that make you happy--snuggling on the couch with your Hubby, watching English Historic Soap...)

Yeah, so...working on normal every day stuff...and looking forward to the things that February brings...Michael's Birthday, our anniversary of our first date, Total Confusion...

Ah...February.

The New Year So Far (Pictures)...

#MicroBlog Monday: Holiday? Oh, yeah, Holidays!

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The holiday season, starting with Thanksgiving, has been a bit different this year...and thus, I find myself on Monday, December 28th, going...oh, hey, yeah...Christmas happened, didn't it? 


There has been a lot of chaos, disorder and general anxiousness the past four months in our family, and with things not quite "normal", the holidays took on some of that Not Normal-ness...


First, we had a trip to North Carolina for Thanksgiving...when we normally wouldn't travel at all.  Then, December and the whole holidays with Hannukah and Christmas and my birthday--the chaos and the stress, the changes in our household for good and bad...it just all combined in making this holiday season...different.  Not necessarily a bad different, either.  But just--well, certain things we do "every year" did not get done.  Other things were done instead.  We had people over for Christmas (we usually NEVER have people over for Christmas)...we barely played our litany of Christmas music, etc.


The holidays came and went. We celebrated them, we enjoyed them...and now there is the season "finale" of New Years.


I guess one of the good things about things going by so quickly strange--I have not had as much time to be melancholy. (But New Years is usually The One with me where I grow quite sad and melancholy...which is why I LOVE this rendition of Auld Lang Syne, as it is so Joyful!)


So, the holidays are almost over--a new year with new holidays is about to begin...hoping the next year is less chaotic.


Wishing everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year!


P.S. Hoping to write more on my blog again--I got a new Laptop for my birthday...

Busy busy

Busy weekend started on Friday evening with a play at one of the local high schools...both kids loved the Miracle Worker.   Then Saturday, I had a dentist appointment and Willow had her dance class...and then her friend Kayla came over and hilarity ensued....oye.

Today, we visited my mom at her long term care facility, giving away peanut butter fugde we made yesterday and giving and getting Xmas gifts.

Tonight was the last night of Hannukah, so we made cookies and latkes and exchanged some Hannukah gifts.  John came by and brought Minions on DVD...so we had a fun evening.

Whew!  And now...the week begins again!

Thanksgiving, North Carolina, Time and the Sunday Post Holiday Trip Blahs

We traveled a round trip of over 1,500 miles this Thanksgiving holiday weekend (because of the amount of travel our "weekend" started Tuesday...)

We visited my dad and his wife for the holidays, as they recently moved to North Carolina for their retirement.  It suits them well and while I am not happy my dad lives so far away, I can see why he likes it.

The trip was long, the kids were awesome about it, the area he lives in reminded us of the Midwest, and there were reminders of the past and future everywhere.

Time and its perception are at play during vacations and trips and holidays.  I missed my homes, both my childhood home and my home here in MA.  I missed my dad and was so happy to see him...and I missed my whole family who are kinda scattered everywhere now...the past and the present intersecting.

The food was good, the company was nice and we all had a good time.  With that said, do I wish there had been more time?  Yes, because of the little things my dad did not get to see...my daughter reading Pippi Longstockings in the hotel room, my son actually opening up to me tonight with a long discussion on Hollywood masks and how they were made...things he could not get to know from the little time we all had this visit.  Time is precious and limited... We did a good job and we all were able to spend time together... And it was still not enough.  But yet, it was something, so that will do.

We finished this weekend up with a movie today...we went to see the new Peanuts movie.  It was very good and made me feel like the people who made it (including family of Charles Schulz) understood the legacy of the characters very well.  After the movie, Chewy said, "You know, your Grandma would have liked that movie.". Which was what I had been thinking too.  I guess there was more time travel to end the weekend.

Now...we are taking baths, packing snacks, getting ready for Monday and school and work.  Sunday Blahs are upon me...wish I had a rewind button...

The Teenager and his room...

Every so often he "cleans up" his room...to move stuff out that I carefully put in boxes and put into his closet.  The books that I lovingly kept in his bookcase that were his childhood books...his lego sets...moving them out of his room...

He has gotten quite a collection started, and he needs room for display...and last night he asked to use my phone to take some pictures...so that he could post them on the online forum he is part of (what that forum is...I don't know...) (asking if he wants to write a blog...is met with a "nah")  (he is on-line, but not really on Facebook....)

A glimpse at my teenager...the first photo is of Michael on Halloween night, looking at his candy...

I got him the small display cabinet...when he started this collection...

Models he has worked on and painted.

Collection of Don Post masks and other horribles...

As a mom, I note the lack of clothes on the hangers...the clothes are usually stuffed in drawers or in the laundry basket...

Also, I did originally get this bookcase for his large collection of books...which are stacked on the floor...sort of neatly...

Hmmm...Freaks is mine...Lost World is mine...I kid, they are his now...

#MicrogblogMonday - Writing

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I almost went to bed.  No one else is up (well, the boy might be up, I thought I heard footsteps up there...but it could have been one of the cats--they are noisy at night!)

I have wanted to write this post last week--but did not find the time.  And now, I pushed myself...because it is what #Microblog is all about--trying to get yourself to write something...anything in the space you call your writing home...

Both my kids have shown talent when it comes to writing.

I think for Michael it is a great way for him to express himself.  He doesn't show it too often, but the emotions and the thoughts that he will bring to a ATL essay or a movie review--they are brilliant.  I wish he would tap into that more often...although, just like the footsteps I thought I heard--I think he does this thoughtful writing on the sly...in forums about horror movies and aurora models.  For someone who has a hard time expressing himself socially, the written word is power.  I hope he starts to understand that power as he grows to adulthood.

Willow...the imagination and wonder, her inventiveness and spark of...just Willow-ness...it is just so evident in her writing...

Sentences she came up with for vocabulary words (underlined); misspelling  in Second Grade writings are excused as they are learning the FORM of sentences...as long as they get the vocab words correct...

And this tells you what we were doing the weekend before last--camping at Girl Scout Camp!  (She had fun...I found it...not as fun...)

One of my favorite things in Second Grade so far--they have Friday Journals.  The child writes a journal entry about whatever they want to write about...usually the weeks events.  The "homework" is for the parent to read what they wrote--and write back to them in the journal.  I so wish they had done this when Michael was in elementary school.  I love the fact that I get to see into my daughter's world at school...and I get to write back to her and let her know what I think about her.

One entry a few weeks back was more than just a writing exercise...Willow had a bad day.  She wrote about how bad she felt and basically put on the drama thick ("its the worst day ever!" and "I hate being seven!").  She described an incident in school (she stuck her pencil in the pencil sharpener--because it was too small and the teacher had told everyone not to sharpen too short pencils...).  It was such a mournful, sad paragraph.  So sad, that the teacher wrote back to her...with the sweetest note about how things were solved (the pencil was extricated) and how yes, it can be tough to be seven years old, but hopefully she will begin to like second grade, etc.  It was reassurance and strength that Willow needed...the next day of school...was "the best day!"

Reconcile

Looking at his yearbook, the one he just got, the one for last year.  The one that is not like a "typical" yearbook.  Entries that include students who barely speak, whose entries state so-and-so has "made progress this year in socialization".  Teachers and therapists and counselors.

I try to reconcile my child with this.  He is not like " them".  But he is not "typical" either.  He is quirky and different, but not so obvious...but yet he can be.  He is not defined by his Aspergers.  Yet, in the last few years, he has been.

It has taken me a long time to even consider myself a "special needs mom".  I cannot see myself as one most of the time, just like it is hard for me to reconcile my son to being a part of this private school community.  A community that he needs, that he is doing so much better with.  That is there for his needs....but...I sometimes look at things like the yearbook...and see the mirror image...the distant image of " typical" and "normal".  I sometimes long for it.

And then...I look at how much this change..this school and its special accommodations have helped him so much in the last year.  How much he was suffering at the " normal" school.  And I stop myself from longing for something that was only an illusion anyway.

We are all on our own paths in life.  My son's path may be harder than most, but is it also being forged well and with care.  It was not the path any of us chose, but it is the path we are on...so we damned well should make it the best way we can.

#MicroBlogMonday: Doing The Time Warp Again...

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This weekend has been back and forth in time...

A few weekends ago, we cleaned out my mom's apartment.  Amongst her stuff, were two videos we had made for her of Michael. Saturday, I popped one into the only videotape machine in the house...and was reintroduced to my four year old son.  My pre-labeled, pre-tested, pre-teenager son.  My gosh, how damned cute, so different, yet, the same, yet innocent.  Michael watched some of it...and marveled over toys he remembered. It was awesome.  I will have to convert these digitally.

Later, on Sunday...Willow and I had a discussion I was hoping to avoid one more year.  But, it seems that she has reached another milestone... Santa has been revealed.  Now, I have no children to enchant this year.  I was sad at the time, but actually, feel a bit fine with it and hope to make her holidays still fun for her.  (I told her not to tell other kids...and she revealed that she had entreated all children about her previous discovery about the Tooth Fairy, but promised not to do so about Santa...with a why? Question before agreeing...).

The end of Sunday found us listening to the Time Warp as we drove two hours to visit a small, but special little horror movie musuem in Connecticut.  A place Michael discovered, and it was awesome!

Now, I am typing this on my phone in a motel room...tomorrow dawning...a Museum we have visited a few times before in our future.  I think the first time we visited it was when Michael was...four years old.

Small Moments

A few moments recently have made me sigh with happiness...

We started a new routine in the morning with her--she needs to eat her breakfast at the kitchen table before she can watch any cartoons.  As I rush past, I hear them and see her smile.  I have seen him sitting with her in the kitchen as she is eating her breakfast, and they are talking.   She is chipper and he is gentle with her.  This morning I saw him making faces and being silly--actually causing the same issue we had before--she was too mesmerized to eat!  I admonish him just a little.  Because I want this to continue.  This time, the small time, where each is enjoying the company at the table, the eye of the storm of the rush of the morning.   Time with dad.  

Two nights in a row, the teenager has deemed it okay to come down and initiate contact with the adults...playing a board game that he had sent away for an old and battered, monster-related (so a must have for his collection) game.  So far dad has won three games.  We need to play more games, on a school night.  With the boy who smiles.

#MicroblogMonday - Ch--ch-anges

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So, the roller coaster of our lives the past few years has continued onto another turn. (does anyone have the theme from the Great Space Coaster floating in their head when I say roller coaster?  just me? )

Chewy has gotten a new job opportunity that starts next week.  Willow started 2nd Grade and I got a raise and it seems more responsibilities...all within the last two weeks!

Meanwhile, Michael (and us for that matter) continue getting used to his new school.

Between juggling these new changes to our routines, we have the inevitable march of time--autumn is coming!

Luckily, Autumn in New England is beautiful, and while the past few years I have been more than a little depressed to find summer has been fleeting, I am starting to get that feeling for fall again.
Starting to look for those changing leaves and cooler mornings and evenings.

So, with a little trepidation to the future and what it can (and cannot) bring...I look towards the new changes.

#MicroblogMonday (Tuesday): What is it like

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What is it like?  I wonder and hope that I understand him.

I know what it is like to be a teenager

Out of control/In control

Knowing all and being smug

Knowing nothing and being scared

But his mind

I do not know what I think I know

He "doesn't know" either

Last night, frustration over a small thing

Erupts into a small (for him)

Big (for others) Tantrum

How does this work?

This Asperger thing?

Why and how and where

I clean up part of the mess (new carpet!)

He storms downstairs, still not calm

I talk calm but firm

(He will have to clean up the rest of the mess)

The mess that was a cause/consequence of his frustrations

He goes upstairs to his room again

Glaring is something he does well

Later.

Calm and cleaning up

This is my son

I worry about him

I know he will be fine

This smart/sad/frustrated/anxiety-bomb of a teenager

This wonderfully funny/frustrating/child of mine.

What will he be like in five years?

(I don't know)

#MicroblogMonday: Clinging to Summer...

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Well, there is no more denying it...the end of summer is upon us.  I have gotten most of Willow's school supplies and need to go through her clothing for the inevitable back to school updates/additions.

Last week I got Michael's "materials list" -- you become a junior in high school and the school supply list gets a new name!  (Oh, and we got his accommodations letter for PSATs and SATs...sigh...)

But...this weekend, we spent time enjoying summer...because it is still summer yet, damn it!!

We went to Cape Cod for a long weekend and it was so relaxing and fun.  We stayed here.  We were very impressed and hope to stay there again next year.  It was right on top of some of our favorite things, so we enjoyed beach time and pool time and some wonderful food too!

The weather was a bit gray at times, but it was perfect for us and we were able to get our little list of favorite things done in our three day mini-vacation!

Friday evening--time for a well deserved MudSlide!

This was very yummy--curried scallops!

That evening--beach preview.

Michael used his arcade tickets well!

Father and son walk on the beach--dad is carrying rocks that Willow found along the walk...she is in the distance...still gathering rocks and stones.

Some rocks that did not make the cut...

still looking for pretty stones, shells

Mini-golf on Sunday

Lots of lobster was eaten.  With Dignity...always Dignity!

The motel had a nice play set and an outdoor pool!

Not all food we craved was seafood!  Yum!

Until next year!!

Feeling Limbo-ish

Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Stuck in Limbo...

Not sure the next steps...


I spent the weekend in a funk, especially Sunday.  Monday was 20 years since Chewy's dad passed away unexpectedly.  20 years since my Grammie almost came to visit me in my new life, before she had the first of many strokes.

Twenty years and so much has changed, yet stayed the same.  Sometimes I just feel alone...and the losses make me feel even more alone.  Sometimes I feel like I am so overwhelmed and I wish I had someone to carry the burden...and then I realize that the someone who is carrying the burden for others...is me.

Sometimes we just need to catch a break.  Sometimes we do not.  Sometimes we do and we don't know it.

The roller coaster of life...I sometimes love it.  And sometimes I want to get off of it.

(I wonder if I need to be medicated; then I tell myself I do not)

Maybe its seasonal or generational.  I definitely can tell I am having "feeling old" moments, and yet I am young.

I am out of shape, but I am working on getting back my exercise routine.  I am happy but weary.

Things are good...but not great...things could be getting worse.

We have our health (for now, I think)  

We have each other.

The summer is spinning out of control and most of the things I love to do I have not done yet.  (Really, do I have to have a list, must things always be the same/different?)

Well, you know what...there is always time (until there isn't)...

I want to read more, but there seems to be no time...its almost a year since Robin Williams died...is everything going to be all right...why are there so many Republican candidates...why is Elizabeth Warren not running...maybe she will...where is my license plate that I ordered...I am so sick of packing lunches for summer camp.

You know what--she is back in from playing outside.  Her cheeks are red and she is happy and she makes me forget my fears and worries.  There is just now with my little girl...

and it is enough.