1st Birthday Party

Low key affair, plenty of mexican food...lots of ripping of gift wrap. Lots of giggles. Willow had a great time, and we got to have our friends and family over. We had a great time with Ana (the creator of the wonderful cake) and her dog Ryka--Ryka and Willow just LOVED each other (Gabrielle did not like Ryka--she went into hiding).

Willow got many wonderful gifts and many cool items to put into her time capsule. Here's some pictures (most of them taken by big brother Michael):


Michael got Willow Spongebob bath toys. The package in her hands is from Ana. (That's my foot).



My brother's feet; Ryka and Willow hanging out.



Opening a gift--Ana's cell phone...


Michael showing Willow how to use her baby laptop (given by Mom & Dad)


Cake time! (The monkey's ear got hurt on transit).


Willow liked chocolate cake!


Playing with Ana after a change of clothes. (Outfit a gift from Ana)

Show & Tell #33

Our friend Ana is very crafty. She was the one who made a mural for Willow's nursery. She offered to make Willow's first birthday cake (Willow's party is today). The theme, as with the nursery, is safari animals.


Here is the cake, as posted on Ana's facebook page.


I can't wait to see it in person! (Click Ana's name in the first paragraph to see other cakes she has made)



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It's all happening at the zoo...

Someone told me
Its all happening at the zoo.

I do believe it,
I do believe its true.

Its a light and tumble journey
From the east side to the park;
Just a fine and fancy ramble
To the zoo...


To celebrate Willow's birthday today we decided to go to the zoo. It was a warm day and while I brought sunblock, I guess I did not take the time to put it on--its okay tho--only mom, dad and Michael got a little sun burned.

Willow was protected by a nifty hat she got from the zoo. So nifty in fact, that she liked to take it off to look at it. And put it in her mouth. And throw it on the ground.



Somethin tells me
Its all happening at the zoo.

The monkeys stand for honesty,
Giraffes are insincere,
And the elephants are kindly but
They're dumb.... ---Simon & Garfunkel


Michael with a Wallaby. A zookeeper had this one out. Both Michael and Willow were fascinated by him.


Looking at the giraffes. (Hat on)



Looking at the girafees. (Hat off)




And the elephants (who are not dumb)

Michael and Willow looking at Moon Bears. Who were right up against the window display.

Michael on a frog.




Willow fascinated.



Taking off her socks after a long day.

One Year - Updated

This week has become one of reflection for me. A year ago this week, one of our longest, hardest journeys was coming to a successful end. I remember at the time thinking how lucky we were. But, I still had regrets--I wished that she had come into my life sooner, that we had gone into treatment sooner. I wished my son had a sibling closer in age. I wished that life was perfect, that the years of hurt could just melt away. Willow Leone was born a year ago this Friday and I was swept away.

Seeing her, I sometimes cannot believe that she is real. I am not imagining. I am not dreaming, to be woken up by a nagging feeling like someone is missing. She is here, she is really here. And she amazes me every day.

Our lives have changed dramatically in a space of a year. The changes of having another child were expected and we have been adapting. Ironically, I find that we have many new obstacles in our lives (some good, some bad, some expected, some not). This week, I have begun to realize how much we have endured, how far we have come. What a wonderful gift our children are and how much we need each other. How our family can endure and gain strength and overcome.

But most of all--I am reflecting on how we were able to accomplish this:

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

UPDATE: Some people have noted my choice of song--its "Daughter"
Written by Peter Blegvad; Performed by Loudon Wainwright III
It has special meaning for us. Shortly after our first IVF/ICIS cycle failed, we wanted to divert ourselves by going to the movies. We hesitantingly decided on "Knocked Up" even though we knew the subject would bother us (I rationalized, like I usually did in those situations--"Well, its about her first child"; also we had already scheduled cycle #2). That song was at the end of the movie--and after we found out we were going to have a daughter--we both spontanously put that song on our mp3 players. That song will always remind me of our journey in bringing Willow to this world.


Things Willow can do:

Crawl
Eat most table food
Say "Mama" "Dada" "Kitty Cat" "yes" "hi"
Suck her thumb
Laugh and giggle
Clap her hands
Dance to Music (She went to her first Dan Zanes concert this weekend--she had a BLAST)
Stands on her own
ALMOST walking on her own
"She has her own way of communicating" - Michael
Is curious
Is friendly with people
"You gotta mention her smile." - Husband

Show & Tell #33 - Braces Bunch Edition

I was going to do a Show & Tell about what I was doing one year ago this week...

But I got a wonderful surprise in my snail mail box today, and I had to share.

This is from JJ, founder of the Braces Bunch, which is celebrating 2 years of supportive friendship.



I have never met Janel, but in the 2 years that we have corresponded (via e-mail, blog posts, and snail mail), I have felt a kinship with her. And I was totally honored that she sent me this.

What is it?

I have decided in celebration of Willow's first birthday this Friday, I am assembling a time capsule. In it, amongst other things--including print outs of my blog from the time I was doing her IVF cycle--will be this letter from Janel. I do not know if ten years from now (when Willow will open this capsule) I will still be in contact with JJ. I hope that I will. But, I want Willow to know that during the dark times preceding her conception, and during the happy times when she was born--Janel and the Braces Bunch were there to support me.


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First First Birthday Present...

Since a lot of our family and friends are out of state, we tend to get a trickle of presents shipped to us during holidays/birthdays.


We got our first presents for Willow this week, from her "Aunt" Marcy and "Uncle" Mark. They sent these books (which I will be wrapping for Willow to open on her day).


Willow modeled her other present yesterday:





Its a nice three piece outfit, perfect for Spring. (She tended to like the jacket off so she could look at it).



Lately, I only have a few minutes with the camera out before she tries to grab it.

Its her first Seasame Street character! (Its her first anything character!) Hmmm...Elmo was the new one when Michael was born--I remember at 6:40 a.m. EVERY weekday morning for about a year--we had to turn to Seasame Street so he could watch Elmo's World. It will be neat to see if Willow bonds with Abby in the same way.

Random Photos from this Weekend.

Show & Tell #32

Today we went to our friend's house in New Hampshire to have a BBQ. She invited another couple who brought their fur-baby, a 5 month old chocolate lab named Java. So, Willow got to hang out with three dogs, and a few cats.

Here are some awful, blurry photos from my husband's cell phone.

That is our friend, with Java and Willow on her lap.




Willow petted Java and Java was wonderful with her (it helped that Java was really tired out from running around outside).

Our friend is also fostering kittens for the local shelter (taking care of them until they reach age to be adopted). Willow LOVED one of the kittens, and took it and hugged it like crazy.

I am so glad she is getting this exposure to these animals. She had a blast!



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Things are...complicated

2009 has so far pretty much sucked eggs. Can't go into too many details, but aside from me being laid off and unemployed, my husband is having problems at his work--and there is a possibility that he could get laid off too. Oh, and the stress of that situation, my situation and daily life in general has just made it even more difficult for me to eat right and exercise and get rid of this damn weight already(!!) I just feel like we never catch a break. Or, more acurately, we get breaks, we seem to get ahead in the world--and then WHAM! we get sucker punched with something else happening in our lives. I am just so tired of the MOVING800MILESAWAY-DEPRESSION-BABYBLUES-ADHD-SECONDARYINFERTILITY-PPD-NEWBORN-LAIDOFF-ECONOMYSUCKS rollercoaster.

Ugh. I need chocolate.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Show & Tell #31

We went on a family outing today that I think is one of the hidden treasures in our area, the Harvard Natural History Museum.

We have gone here many, many times and the exhibits do not change that much, but it is a fascinating museum, especially for children. I remember taking Michael when he was Willow's age, and her eyes lit up just the same as his did. We put her in the umbrella stroller, and she was excited to see the mammal exhibits...pointing to a red fox on display--saying "kitty caa" (so far this is her only "real" word and it is used for all animals).

And, as usual, Michael was brimming with excitement and pointing out all the animals and dinosaur skeletons--I especially like how he likes to makes me close my eyes so he can steer me (while I am pushing a stroller no less) towards an especially "scary" exhibit--so that I can open my eyes at the right point to be "scared" (which I proceed feign--and still at 10 years old--he doesn't realize that I am not really scared).

I especially like looking at the skeletons of the ice age creatures like the Giant Ground Sloth or the mastedon. Also, having skeletons of Sperm Whales above your heads is pretty darn cool too! Michael and I were both fascinated at the exitinct animal exihibit--it is amazing to see creatures and imagine what they were like--and a bit bittersweet to realize that humans have caused much of the extinction.

The funny thing about today's outing--it was a spur of the moment change of plans that brought us to the museum--and we had a blast!

Just for fun...here is a creepy exhibit picture (I did not take it):



Okay, this doesn't look ANYTHING like the cute pet chinchilla's we used to have!!






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16 years

16 years ago we got married. We met when we had just entered our 20s, now we are almost entering or 40s. We share so much in common. We have had our shares of ups and downs (thankfully, more ups than downs). We have shared clinical depression (his), post-partum depression (mine), attention deficet disorder and social pragmatic issues (our son), lay-offs (his many years ago; mine now), infertility and a newborn (again!).

2008 was one of our best years of our lives. 2009 has had a less than stellar start. But each and every year has been an honor and privaledge to be his partner. I love him even more for the husband and father he has become in these sixteen years. Happy Anniversary!

Psst...Legal Seafood tonight!

Growing Pains

While I was up at 1 a.m. dealing with an inconsolable-totally-unlike-herself-because-she-is-teething(?) Willow...I was heartened to read several posts by people on Facebook and a hillarious post by Serenity on the stage we are going through--the early stage of toddlerhood.

Its interesting that I have done this before, but I am still learning every day things I either don't remember, did not know, or mistakes that I then remember that I did with Michael. Everyday I find myself trying to compare--when Michael tried to get into the downstairs bathroom, we merely had the door shut (adding a door knob do-hickey later on that prevented everyone from opening the door with ease). Now, we have the cat's litter in there. Even when I shut the door, I can only do it for a little bit of time--I really don't know a more convenient spot for the cat's litter, and I really am not in the mood to train two non-verbal beings in the house at once. (yes, I know--the dreaded Gate will have to make an appearance)

When Willow goes for the entertainment center--its not the huge cabinet it was for Michael. The huge non-fragile cabinet. No...know its the smallish stand with the BIG new T.V. on it, and the Wii and the X-Box...and the wires therein...she is like a fly attracted to the light. I have the wires under control. And she mostly avoids it--unless the television is on...and then WHOOSH! Willow is after that television stand. (yeah, limited television viewing has been enforced, but there is only so much of that in a house with a ten year old--if its not the television, its video games)

I don't know if its because I am older, or because she is faster. Last night I was putting the dishes into the dishwasher while Michael was doing his homework. And Willow was sitting on my foot and trying to grab at the dirty utensils that I just put in. I muttered about not knowing if Michael had been this underfoot. Willow just smiled at me. And tried to pull my sock off. And then crawl 60 mph to the cat's food dish.

11 Months

I cannot believe how lucky I am to have her. She has two teeth on the top, two teeth coming on the bottom. She crawls so quickly we can't keep up. She is so bubbly and curious. She is growing and changing every day. And I am loving every bit of it (well, except for the lack of sleep sometimes).

Yesterday I got her portrait taken, here is what is newly hanging in our living room:





And here are a few of the other poses:







I cannot believe that next month she will be officially one years old.

Science Fiction Geek Time...

One of the advantages of being unemployed--I get to watch the Battlestar Galatica marathon today on the Sci-Fi channel...

As a sci-fi geek who has seen many shows fade and end, it always saddens me to see great science fiction leave the screen. Thinking of tonights final episode of Battlestar Galatica, I think back to all the shows I loved---Star Trek, Babylon 5, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel--and I feel so lucky to have been able to visit these worlds...and to get to re-visit them again (with my children too!) on DVD.

Battlestar Galatica was a wonderful show. Tonight we are having our favorite pizza--and sushi (cuz sushi is the only food that we can recognize that they eat on BSG).

With a heavy heart I say good bye, BSG--but I do look forward to seeing you again (and again)...

(and at least there is still Dr. Who...)

Elusive Sleep

It was quiet. Too quiet. We had gotten the kids down by 9 p.m., which was a miracle, since we had went out to eat and had gotten home late.

We relaxed. And then husband did some work and I did the bills. I started to get ready for bed, doing the normal rounds--getting Michael's lunch money ready, his snack for the day (they still do snacks during the day in 4th grade).

And then Michael came down. Wakeful and fidgety...telling us that he had been up reading in his bed (it was almost midnight).

We think its his ADHD medication, because this wakefulness seems to have started since we upped his dosage 2 weeks ago.

Finally getting him settled, or so I thought, I left my husband doing work at his computer. I layed down...started to drift off...and

I heard something blurping/rustling on the baby monitor and then I heard russling and a comotion. My son had taken out his iguana (Pepi) to play with and the iguana had gotten lose--ran across the hall into Willow's room, right into the baby monitor--and Michael caught him. When I arrived, Pepi was on Michael's arm, Michael and Pepi was in his room...and I finally got him to bed--and then I heard the russling and movement of Willow...who promptly cried....

Michael drifted off to sleep within a 1/2 hour of the iguana incident, Willow took a bit longer for us to resettle her--we went to bed around 3 a.m.

Show & Tell #30

Tonight we went out to see one of our favorite groups--The Alloy Orchestra.

They are a group of musicians that compose and perform music for silent movies.

I learned about these guys on NPR about fifteen years ago. They combine one of my favorite things, movies, with another favorite--live performance.

We have seen many of their performances, and I enjoy bringing Michael to them when we can. He saw his first silent movie with a musical performance by The Alloy Orchestra (it was The Black Pirate). Tonight, however, was more of an adult movie. It was called The Last Command. I was very impressed by this film, which is noted for being the first movie given a best actor academy award. One of the reasons I love going to these performances is that I find hidden classics.

I love silent movies and enjoyed the evening.



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Week One---At Liberty

Well, more than 1/2 way through week one of unemployment, I must say this week has not been what I expected.

I had decided that after 10 years of working, I deserved to wallow in my own self pity and crapulance for a week. On that note, I left the daycare/after school schedules to be "normal" for one last week. This was supposed to give me a chance to--sleep in late, eat chocolate and other comfort food, watch decandent daytime t.v./movies--all in all, be a depressed, self-pitying bum. Oh, yes, I had plans to do to set up a few things, but nothing too much.

All that changed on Monday. First, our daycare provider called in sick--so my first day of depression was modified by having a 10 month old trying to (a) eat the mouse cord (b) eat pizza with mommy and (c) drain all the blood from my arm while sleeping there and NO WHERE ELSE.

Then, without any prompting on my part, two staffing agencies called me--and I was all set to go into Boston, not once, but twice this week.

Tuesday brought an appointment in Boston. And then shopping for a printer cartridge for our printer so I could print an application for the next day's appointment in Boston. Going to the local Staples for the cartridge, I figured I might as well check on the gym next door. And I signed up to join monthly at a great low price! (I have a treadmill and bike at home, but I wanted to add something more and to get out of the house) I have an appointment tomorrow for an hour and 1/2 assessment at the gym.

I came home--and another agency called with an actual opportunity with a pre-screen interview. So I scheduled that trip into Boston to be before my other appointment in Boston.

So, today, I went into Boston again. Went to the two appointments (got a good workout walking between them).

Whew!!
The good news--haven't had time to really wallow in that crapulance yet.

Next week starts the New Normal that I have now set up (job hunting is an everyday event--but doesn't take all day) :

Mondays - Hang out with Willow (Do errands, etc.)
Tuesdays - Willow goes to daycare and I go to the gym and/or interviews
Wednesdays - Hang out with Willow and go to a YMCA class with her
Thursdays - Willow goes to daycare and I go to the gym and/or interviews
Fridays - Hang out with Willow (Do errands, etc.)

Karate Moves

This Saturday before class Michael decided to show me some of his karate moves. He has been doing karate since he was 4 years old. He is a green belt--I think the next belt is purple, then brown, then black.






Willow cheering him on, playing with a karate headband.