Listening to 80s Alternative is Lowering my Blood Pressure....

As usual, our lives cannot be "normal" for any length of time---Chewy is looking for another job, Willow is growing like a weed and I cannot keep up, Michael is finished with another semester of college with nothing lined up (yet) for summer.....

I am working....and working HARD...and my only solace lately when the the pressures of life and work get to me--Netflix...and my Amazon Playlist of 1980s alternative music....listneing to Depeche Mode, New Order, The Cure, The Smiths...

Rocking away while working away!

Now, if only I could get myself motivated to get to an aqua aerobics class on Saturday mornings...I would be happy!

Hopefully, things will get better soon...although the world seems to be going downhill faster lately...sigh...

Willow at Eleven

Puberty. Anxiety. Wisdom. Depression. Love of the absurd, both horrible and silly. Lover of books, both non-fiction and fiction. Observant. Naive. Not-as Naive.  Maturing, but not sure.  Teenager to the T.

Willow has hit the ground running this year and 11 finds her questioning and pondering and trying to find herself.  She reminds me very much of myself at her age.  We have had some interesting discussions lately.  I worry about her feelings of depression and anxiety, but I am happy that she is willing to discuss things openly with me.

There have been wonderful moments between me and her lately, whether it has been her sitting up in the front seat in the car, her and I singing at the top of our lungs to the Romantics or watching some comedy sketch she likes on UTube, or just snuggling and talking...it has been great to get to know her in a more mature way. 

It is going to be a bumpy ride...but I am proud of the young woman she is becoming...and hopefully, this year will get better!

#MicroblogMonday - Drawn Emotions

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Therapy for the girl can sometimes provide insights in ways you do not expect.  For example, I know that she has been practicing drawing (anime is one of her favorite styles), but I hadn't seen how far she has progressed until last Friday, when her therapist asked her to draw out her emotions:

They each have names, and I am not sure of each one now, but I know that the middle one here is Yanny and she is the productive one (she even has an apron on like she is going to do lots of stuff!) the one on the right is anger...

I know the one on the left is sadness, the one in the middle is silliness...

The one on the left is anxiety/awkwardness, middle is shy...

Not only is my daughter very talented in drawing (these were all done within a half hour) she is very in touch with her emotions.  Now, if only she could learn to access the Productive one more often in school...which is one of the discussions in therapy....

My Reader

Every night I pick her up from After-School care, I find her in the same position...laying with a pillow on the raised heaters, involved with a book. She is going through books like they are water. She reads and reads and reads. I love it!! Sometimes she is reading in class when she is supposed to be paying attention to a lesson on math. Other times she is reading classic books...yesterday I picked her up and she was reading Judy Blume's "SuperFudge" Sunday, on our way back from piano lesson, she read to me from a non-fiction book I got her about immigrants and what accomplishments they have made to society. She reads Graphic Novels, she reads comics on her Kindle. She is our kindred reader...I love watching her mind open up with each page. I hope this love of books remains with her always.

Total Con #33

We left on Thursday evening and I could not help but feel a sense of belonging-- we have been going to this convention for so long, it always feels like a home-coming of sorts to go.  Meeting up with old and new friends and acquaintances.

We had a rough start -- Michael was reluctant to go this year, then he went to his classes on Friday and took an Uber back to the hotel--whereupon Uber dropped him off not at the hotel and he was lost and frustrated -- THINGS WE LEARNED: don't rely solely on technology--write addresses down on paper (I had texted him the hotels name and address, but he couldn't access it quickly enough when the Uber driver insisted this was the address he wanted); Marlborough is wonky with the directions at points....after an hour of frustrations, it was worked out and all was good.

The rest of the convention was satisfying and fun!  Met up with some friends and made some new ones, got some pool time and some game time...I think both Chewy and I enjoyed all the games we did--including Cyber Punk with the creator and Muppets D&D...and Michael and Willow both had fun and enjoyed themselves (sometimes despite themselves!!)

And now...another yearly ritual is over--until Next Year!

Did not take many pictures this year--but here is Friday morning:

20 and onward to TotalCon...

Because we knew that we were going to be heading to Total Con last night (Michael's birthday), we got him a Birthday Cake on Wednesday night...his only request on what type of cake--it had to have blue frosting!

It was a very impromptu "singing" of Happy Birthday--this is a pretty informal birthday as it is..(his "word" for the new year--"urine")

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Last night, we headed out to Total Con (right now, I am typing this on my lap top in a hotel room..).  But...before we started our Total Confusion Convention...time to celebrate Michael's Birthday, one more time---at Legal Seafoods!!

Where both kids tore into Lobsters...

And I mean, tore into...I had to at one point, tell her she had mined it all.

Michael - 20 years

Michael's "Official" photo, when I asked to take a picture of this occasion.

So.  I have a 20 year old son...who drives me crazy sometimes, who I worry about often, who surprises me just when I think I have him figured out...

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And now, we are here at Total Con again, and I am looking forward to some fun games and memories...

Twenty Years Ago Today...

Twenty Years Ago, at 1:23 a.m.

That was when I met him for the first time.

My first born.  My son.  

It was one of the most traumatic, horrifying, difficult and wondrous moments of my life.  

I feared for my life.  I feared for his.  

I believe, at this exact moment...right now...20 years ago...I was able to touch him, if only a little bit (he was wrapped in layers and layers of blankets and place on top of me while we were wheeled out to recovery).  

I am happy that I happened to wake up at this moment to appreciate that moment...so long ago (so fleetingly short from now)...alone, while everyone sleeps..20 years ago, I became a mother.

(Well...everyone is asleep but the damned cats....I think they just broke something downstairs....)

Popping In...

A wild and wacky whirlwind has been the last few weeks, I started my job on the December 27th, it is going well, and I am starting to feel the "new normal"...and then...

Chewy had acute appendicitis and an emergency appendectomy!  Yay!  (Luckily, we had JUST gotten on health insurance!)

Willow is back to school...and then was sick today...

Michael is researching being a paleontologist amongst other things...

Next week the kids and Chewy have MLK Day off; I do not, but as with how things seem to be going--there is a snowstorm a'brewing...and I may have it off as a snow day...

I like working again, although I do miss the freedom of time when unemployed.  I miss aqua aerobics, and hope to be able to make a Saturday morning class sometime soon..I was able to re-start boxing classes...and I even did a class after work on Wednesday!

Chewy's surgery has kinda made things a bit more complicated, as he has to take it easy for a bit..and Michael starts back to college next week...so, we are still not quite on our "normal" track yet.

Random pictures:

Message from Willow...

Getting discharged.

Christmas present.

Mudslide with my brother.

Roll Out

Well, after over nine months of unemployment, I have accepted an offer for a position at a mid-sized law firm.  So, the "strange normal" is going to come to an end, and we are going to start the "new normal".  I think for everyone's emotional and logistical well-being, we are rolling out in stages:

Chewy starts his new job tomorrow.  This means that his part of chauffeur is going to be passed on to me--or Uber for Michael, while we await the results of his next drivers test (which is scheduled for 12/22).  

Meanwhile, Michael is finishing up classes this week, with finals next week.  Then he will have school break until mid-January.  Willow's school break starts on December 21st.  

I start my new job on December 26, 2018; Willow starts the after-school care on January 2nd.  Michael, hopefully, can start learning how to drive on his own...and starts back up at school on January 22nd.

A lot of things going on the next few weeks, some anxiety from all of us I am sure.  Hopefully, my February, we will all have gotten a grasp of our new routines and feel better and more secure.

I know I will miss being able to run errands when I want to, and zumba aqua aerobics.  But, it could not last and I hope that  we will end up being stronger as a family for going through the tough times and the newer, different times ahead.

The Card

He has a card in his wallet.  I found it online, printed it out and laminated it with tape.  On his 18th birthday I gave it to him and explained it's function.

I know he will have to use it sometime.  I know he is reluctant to do so.  

Sometimes humans do not want help, or even want to admit that they need help.  Sometimes that is okay...builds character and strength, as they say.

But sometimes, it is a dangerous game...to rely on other humans.  To rely on the good and hope that the dark, ignorant and hateful sides of humanity do not exist or that you will not encounter them.  That you will not be misunderstood.

So. There is the card. In his wallet.  I wish it was a protection spell.  I wish it was more.  I hope it will never be used...but if it is...I hope that it protects and shields him...from himself.

The card can be found here.

Pooh!

For many reasons, I loved going to the Museum of Fine Art's new exhibit today.

Winnie the Pooh is one of my all-time favorite characters and one of my favorite book series.  Especially when I read the books to Michael for the first time as a parent, they really meant a great deal to me.

Sometimes you forget those things that mean so much to you, sometimes you have lost track of them for a while...and then you see something like this exhibit (or when Willow and I went to the Christopher Robin movie earlier this year) that reminds you of your old friend(s) and why you loved them. 

The exhibition was well done and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

I have a feeling some exploration of Pooh related movies/books will be in the near future...

Snap Shots

Her school picture is here...she did not wear her glasses, but I see her in the picture.  She is young and confident.  She is young an not sure of herself and her place in this world.  She is older than she lets on. She tall and witty and funny and silly and smart and naive and annoying and selfish and wonderful.

She is almost a teenager.  She is still my little baby.  All this I see in a snapshot..a flash of light and an image of one moment frozen in time.  Not even a really important moment in time.  

I see her future self and her past self.  I see an enigma before me that I clearly can read.

#Microblog Monday - New Who

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I was a more than a little looking forward to the new Dr. Who season starting yesterday...because, well, in case you did not hear....the new Dr. Who...is a woman!! (As a side note, I am kinda not sure WHY it took this long for a Doctor to be female, you know, since we are more than half the population, etc...but, I also did not think people would elect a sexual predator to office(s)...anyWHO...)

The episode was pretty standard, the inevitable Dr. Who regeneration scramble, where the new Dr. is still having to figure out what has happened/who or what Dr. she is etc.  I have seen these transitions before...and sometimes they are clumsy--10 to 11 was way over the top wacky and strange...and I have seen them be manic...11 to 12 was better, but he was waaay manic "oh, a dinosaur!!!"...this time, this time...it was just right.  Kinda like it was from 9 to 10.  Which is a good omen.  (Especially if you know that David Tennant and Jodie Whittaker have worked together). 

I liked the episode a lot, I liked her subtle reads and I liked her care for the people around her.  They got the 13th Doctor off and running, creating devices, thinking through the problems, etc.  And the companions...they were a great compliment of people.  I am actually looking forward to the next episode...I hope she continues to create a wonderful Dr. Who!

Here is a more comprehensive review.

Finally - Hamilton!

A little over a year ago, I purchased subscription tickets for the Boston Opera house...mainly, because dammit--I wanted to see Hamilton and this was the cheapest and most effective way to do so.

Well...we went to a total of 7 shows starting last October through this year, most of them were very nice and wonderful.  I am very thankful that I had spent the money on the indulgence!  

But...today...well, today I had a sinus infection!  Yay!!  And the day before, Chewy did get officially laid off...(yay?)...but, today, we forgot about all that, at least for a few hours...and went to Hamilton!

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Having 3-4 hours sleep, I made sure to arm myself with throat lozenges and tissues, a dose of DayQuil...and we were off!

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It was so worth it.  I loved the staging, the music, the performances.  The musical stands up very well with repeated listenings in our house...and it has a brisk pace.  I think the brisk pace is partially because the songs are often uptempo, but some of this pacing is because there is a lot of ground to cover...

One of the best parts of the show was sitting next to Willow.  She and I are the bigger aficionados of this musical (I am unsure which one of us has played the soundtrack more--but I know she knows a lot of it by heart).  There were many times during the show that she grabbed my arm or trembled with excitement.  It was an incredible experience to witness her being so affected by something on stage.

Some other observations:

• Yorktown was a dazzling and moving as one feels when you hear it on the soundtrack
• At least in our touring company, the parts of Geo. Washington and King Geo. were well cast and they were exceptional
• It was hard at first to get used to hearing Alexander Hamilton not sounding like Lin Manuel...same with Burr.
• Live performances and touring companies always give you a chance to see different interpretations of characters...the gentleman who played Aaron Burr had a softer touch...it was hard to get used to at first, but I liked his performance in the end.  
• Willow quote: "It was everything I expected and more!"
• I know this is partially political, but people clapped during many segments which were obviously "resist-able" moments ("immigrants, we get the job done..")
• It was one of the most enthusiastic concert goers I had seen...it is obvious that Hamilton touched on something that was needed in musical theater, a relevancy.

Hello there...

Taking some time to read over my old friend, the Blog...

As of this past week, I have been unemployed for most of the year...one would think I would have written more here, but most of my thoughts have been of the immediate type.  I guess when you are not working, you have time to suss out your thoughts and memories more to the point that you don't necessarily need the outlet of writing it down...

I guess its a little bit of that.  A little bit of having nothing much to write about.  The days and weeks and months continue on and even without work to cause the time to feel like a "daily grind" they do move quickly nonetheless.  A state of limbo while the rest of the world is moving along.

I do feel that despite all that, I was able to capture this year 2018 pretty well in the few posts that I have made.

This is a year where I have been able to de-stress a bit from a very stressful job situation (unfortunately, life seems to still bring its own share of stress to these parts...).  This year, I fell in love with aqua aerobics and boxing.  I spent a lot of time trying to avoid some parts of my life (lots of M*A*S*H reruns and Netflix series...) and trying to spend time with the parts of my life who are trying to be independent from me....(My kids love me, but I am not their world anymore).

Some things have been successful this year...some things not so much.  I am healthier, but not much lighter.  Michael is still working towards the goal of a driver's license.  (Our new strategy is to practice TO the road test...which, in retrospect, is probably what we should have done before...) Despite his best efforts, Chewy may be laid off soon (project based contract work is often susceptible to this type of thing unfortunately).  Willow seems to be doing okay with 5th grade, but homework is still a bear...and it hasn't really ramped up yet....

Well.  At least I may have fixed the problem of one of the cats urinating in the corner in the bathroom....progress. 

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I am going to try to write more in this space. Writing whatever...hoping it makes sense...and even if it doesn't...well, that seems to fit my life to a "T". 

Growing up....

We finished off the summer activities with a BANG, with Tom coming up for a two week whirlwind visit.  We did the touristy things with him and went to the zoo, Count Orlocks, the MFA, and the aquarium...where Michael had a great seal encounter (a seal mistook him for an aquarium employee and followed him around through out the habitat).

Just as Tom left, Michael started his next semester of college.  Right now, Chewy and I are helping him to commute.  He has a RMV road test on September 18th...so hopefully he will get his drivers license and we will start easing him into commuting on his own...

Willow got sick the last few days before school (Tom shared some airplane crud with me and Willow).  On Thursday, she started the fifth grade.  So far, things are going well...

Meanwhile...this weekend was a breather weekend, where we did not plan anything.   And the children had some firsts....Michael shaved for the first time! And Willow started having her menstrual cycle!  On the same day, I was reminded how grown up they are becoming...and now the chocolate is not safe in the house!

Enjoying Summer and Time Together

The kids and I went to Rockport on a day trip...

And we had a very nice and busy time on Cape Cod (even if the weather wasn't ideal)...

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Yesterday, I mentioned to the kids that there is only a week and a half left before school starts...I think all our hearts sank at that prospect.  

Tom is here and we are having fun with him around...the time will go fast, but we will be enjoying our last bit of summer...hopefully we will all be ready for the next few months, whatever they bring!