The Holidays Episode

Okay. so inevitably the year is drawing to a close and we are reaching the "Holiday Season" which, of course, leads to that bittersweet feeling and sometimes stress mixed in with the happiness.  

I finished most of the presents on my excel spreadsheet (yes, I have a spreadsheet with people listed and each year and what I get them each year...what?...I am a nerd!).  With the kids being older, and last year being a big spending year (we got Michael a laptop and Willow a chromebook amongst other things) this year, being 2020, as well as being...well, 2020...things are going to be a little more frugal this year.  Kinda not feeling the Holiday Spirit quite yet--but we did put up the decorations and the tree...and its looking more like Christmas/Hanukkah around here....

Thanksgiving was actually quite "normal" for us, as we usually just spend it with the four (or five) of us.  In years past, we have been invited to other people's houses, and we have went out to eat at fancy restaurants...but this year was more of our "usual".  The only unusual part was not really using the kitchen table--because it is really our Covid Working from home work stations. So...we did move things around and put just the food on the table.  (This was after a small melt down from Michael who really sticks with traditions and hates change).  

We mitigated the tension by having everyone make a Hand Turkey...

Willow's Hand Turkey (she is left handed)

Michael's Hand Turkey (very precise)

My hand Turkey - I did it quickly, as it was the first one.

Chewy's Hand Turkey - which he also made as a snail.

We bought a heat and go Turkey Dinner from Shaw's.  It had a big turkey with all the fixings.  John came over for Thanksgiving.  He carved the Turkey.

Last night, we made Grammie's Chocolate Fudge...

Decorating the tree today...

Kif playing with a decoration.

Willow hamming it up...John doing his thing with the lights.

A rare photo of both kids together!  

Where I Stand

Once upon a time, there was a two party system.  Both parties had good and bad people, as humans are, and both parties tried to help their country the best they could based upon their philosophies.  Some people liked the one party who pronounced it was for "everyone", but often was pretty elitist and privileged anyways, sometimes naively so, but their heart was in the right place (mostly).  The other party wanted things to be fair.  Sometimes fair means that its unfair to some people and fair only to a few.  But the other party felt they knew best too--and they were privileged and thought they were doing the right thing.  

Sometimes they had good leaders who saw that the best way to get along was to take a little bit of advice from each party.  Sometimes that worked and made the country stronger.  Sometimes there were times when even the under privileged and oppressed benefited from this leadership.  Sometimes it almost felt like progress was being made.  And sometimes it was.

But.  Some people do not like change.  It hurts them and they don't want to be hurt.  It challenges them in ways that make them scared.  Not understanding what the change means to others, because they cannot understand the others involved.  Sometimes when people are scared, they lash out with anger and ignorance.  And sometimes--leaders take advantage of that.

_______________

Right now, we are in a time where leadership in certain places has decided that change is wrong.  That people should stay down and in their place.  Ignorance and fear and bile are their words and their words are shared with people who are good people basically, but because of fear and rage they believe these people.

I wish this was not happening.  But it is.

___________________________

I believe that change is important in life.  I believe that I do not understand everything, but I am willing to learn.  I believe that everyone has a right to things in life that give them a purpose and make the country as a whole a wonderful place to be.  That means that EVERYONE is welcome to help make this country great.  

I am a white woman.  I do not understand what my fellow countrymen and women go through, but I do know that it is unfair and inhuman.  That we should treat our fellow human beings the way we want to be treated.  With respect and kindness.

I have been naïve sometimes to think that people are better than they are.  I have also been naïve to think that people cannot change.  Both things are true.

I hope that the past four years have taught us something about the hate and bile that is underpinning our great country.  and that we can then find a way out of this and to a better place.

I know I am willing to work for it.

Are you?

But, I was being Honest!

Willow is sitting across from me and she has a counseling session with school counselor (every Thursday).  In the middle of the session, her counselor asks how is her participation going in classes:

Willow: "Well, my microphone doesn't work, but I use the chat.  Although sometimes the teacher turns off chat!  I don't know why!​  Like, this one time, we were watching a thing about Buddah and I used the chat to say that the actor playing Buddah looked High. (pause, then giggle) Well, I was just being honest, and a few kids agreed with me and then we were talking about what type of things he would be smoking to be high, and then ALL OF A SUDDEN, the teacher made it so the chat function did not work!  I mean, I was just being honest!"

 

[I am sitting across, and I face palm--A LOT]  (we, of course, then had a discussion about appropriateness....)  Sigh.

 

I hope that made ya laugh!  (Sometimes, that's all we can do!)

Tuesday--Election Day - Will Update

Rough nights sleep, Willow has lately been not going to bed early enough...today, I work from home--I pride myself on being the one who can keep her going for Virtual Academy (i.e. remote 7th grade).  As usual, I spent a good portion of the beginning of my day getting Willow up for school.  She.is.not.a.morning.person.

I have never before known someone who is so HARD to get up!  So...my pride in accomplishing this major feat every school morning since mid-September is justifiably huge.

So, got her up and downstairs for her Homeroom/Attendance at 8 a.m.  I finished my morning exercise routine and came down to Chewy working with his headphones, Willow with her headphones.  All.Normal.

On days I work from home, I make Willow a nice breakfast (because normally, she has to kinda grab and go, because--well, because she cannot get up any earlier).  So, I was making her some poached eggs, when the trouble started.  

She couldn't get into her first class of the day--Science.  The link wasn't working.  Nope, not working.  We have internet.  She is clicking the right link.  Did she check her email (perhaps a new link was sent?)--yep, no email.  Dad is kinda busy with, you know, work....so, mom--mom looks at it and says "okay, why don't you email your teacher to ask her what is going on..."

She does.  We move on--time for next class.  AND THE LINK DOESN"T WORK......

I have her come over to my computer to check it out (perhaps its her Chromebook)....and that.  That is when I realize....

It's Tuesday and Election Day.  AND SHE HAS NO SCHOOL TODAY.

Yep.  So, there is the start of my day.  Let's see how it goes....

*** She is at the moment upstairs...probably sleeping***

--------------------

UPDATE ONE:

https://gph.is/2E6IFCO

Lately, because of Covid Follies, I have gotten into virtual tours of all kinds (museums, zoos, you know, places I would actually GO to if it was normal times).  I found this one site that combines history with my sense of the macabre, Mysterious Chicago.  I like the guy who runs it, he has written several books, and he does all sorts of grave tours, etc.  This morning I was just checking FB out and there he was doing a Find A Grave tour--and it was a welcome distraction from everything.

Now...back to work.  Sigh.  (BTW, she still is upstairs in her room--either on her Chromebook or asleep--I am guessing asleep---yeah, yeah, I will check up on her in a little bit....)  Oh, and Michael has made an appearance and wants lunch from Subway (his go-to place lately)....

_____________________

UPDATE TWO:

Well, its been a wild ride so far, and we are not done yet.  Expecting this to be dragged out for a while, but glad at least my old home state of Michigan went for Biden.  Needing to practice some self-care for a few days, I think. 

Cape Cod Memories - 2020 Covid Edition

Things we did: 

• Drive in at Wellfleet - Jaws (!)
• Red Barn Pizza!
• Arnold's Lobsters - Chewy got a 2 lbs. one this time
• Beach time - ahhhh
• Painting pottery - a rainy day activity, but not inside the place, but take "home"
• Dining with a view of the water
• Seafood and chocolate
• Cupcake Charlies
• Provincetown 
• Shopping
• RELAX

It was definitely a strange vacation in a strange year, but there were some wonderful memories and even though I missed Michael and Chewy (when he want back early because of work commitments), I had a wonderful time with my daughter.  

(In fact, one of the silver linings of this whole pandemic is the amount of quality time I have spent with my daughter).

Provincetown included a search for BUBBLE TEA!

Scott-Cakes!

Dumplings - chicken and mushroom and shrimp, chives and egg.

When we weren't doing anything--this was what she was doing.

Leaving Cape Cod another year...

A different type of Vacation

We have finally made it to Cape Cod this year.  I have not seen a beach yet, but soon...soon...

When I say we, that is not totally correct.  Michael has chosen to stay at home this year.  Partially out of a fear of Covid, but I mainly because he is 21 years old and has been stuck in the house with all of us since March.  And he needs some space and alone time.  I miss him...but, if we are all being totally honest, the tensions that his autism sometimes brings into the mix means that the three of us are actually quite relaxed right now. 

And when I say the three of us, that is not wholly correct, either.  Because Chewy has a contracting position that he is trying to wrap up before he starts a New Position (with the potential of permanency) on September 1st.  So...Chewy took a separate car, and he is here for now, but is intending to go back home early because he needs to do a presentation.

-----

So, it really is going to be the two of us for a portion of this vacation, which is already strange because of Covid.

There are vacations where its about doing things, there are vacations about just getting away and relaxing, and then there are the strange ones you do in a pandemic where there are restrictions but you find that just being somewhere different (and by the ocean) is enough.

I do miss not being able to use the pools here...but there will be other vacations, and we are just thankful right now to be happy, healthy and relaxed in whatever capacity we can be at the moment, whether that is at home alone unrestricted or being on Cape and eating breakfast on the deck.  

Half The Year...

Wow.  Half the year is gone already.  And its been on hell of a year so far. Anxiety and quietness.  Time with the family and laughter and fun, combined with isolation and retreating into oneself. 

Working from home has become "normal" and I cannot imagine how it will be when I go back to working in the office full time.  It is looking more and more likely that Willow will be going to school at least partially on-line next school year.  Michael's college has already decided that it is all on-line.

Chewy got laid off and we are dealing with that issue -- but in corona times it puts a different feel to it than the "normal" job issues.

Most of the things we normally do in the summer have been canceled or postponed indefinitely.  It is just a strange time right now.

Some days it feels "normal" and some days it feels bizarre.  And still other times I wonder when will this change, when will things "get better". 

RIP Congo

Michael's turtle Congo has died.  She lived a long time, and she almost did not make it check HERE.

Michael loved Congo in a way that is often hard to describe.  He is able to give his feelings to animals far easier than he can to people.  It also means that he feels more emotional when they are sick, hurt and when we loose them. 

The cries I heard upstairs tonight were hurt and anger and such sadness.  While I liked Congo, she was always in his room, and he often has his door shut the last few years (mainly to keep the cats out of his stuff).  But hearing him crying...that was heart breaking. 

Right now, he wants to be left alone.  So we wait...until we can somehow communicate to this hard to communicate child. 

Loss sucks.

Cooking by Colors

Willow has cooking camp this week...I mainly signed her up because she has an interest, and to actually GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE for a few hours, as she hasn't actually been with kids her age IN PERSON since March....

Most summer camps are closed or only on-line yet, and frankly, with recent events (Chewy is getting Covid-inspired Laid Off) we really do not need (or need the extra expense) summer camp so far.

This week, the cooking classes are based on a color each day.  Monday was Yellow (which meant a pasta dish and spaghetti squash fritters and a mango lassi); Tuesday was Red (which meant strawberry shortcake, lasgna cups and red velvet whoopie pies).  Today (Wednesday) was Blue--which meant--well, I know there was a milk shake---she brought all her left over food up to her room (which she knows is forbidden....sigh).

I kinda hope she likes cooking...so that I don't have to do as much!  :-)

Today's photos:

In her room, finishing a blue milk shake...

Dropping her off.

June 22

Still miss her.  Still think about her.  Not all the time anymore, but often enough.  This year, because it is this incredibly messed up year...I almost forgot her birthday. 

But it hit me today--it is June 22nd. Grammie's birthday.  Not only that--she would have been 100 years old today!

I cannot imagine her living that long.  I did think (selfishly) that I had more time than I did.  I wish she could have met my daughter.  She would have loved the many little things she does that are so much like me when I was a child.  I would like to think she would have been able to not only tolerate Michael and his issues, but perhaps be able to reach him and gain his trust and understanding and help him find his place in the world.

I know I am projecting.  I know it is mere fantasy.  But, that is what we do when we miss people's presence in our lives. 

I am a better person for having known her.  I hope that I was able to give some back to her and to the people I love.

Love you, Grammie.

Normal, Shnormal............

We keep on keeping on.  Still working from home, still having cats walk across my keyboard..

We are slowly trying out the new normal. Masks are everywhere.  I have extras in a bag in the Junk Drawer.  I bought Willow her own set of three.  We have a mask in each car, I have one in my purse, we have some hanging on the refrigerator.

Michael has started to go out walking again--with a mask.  We went to Decordova--with masks!  

Visiting with friends--one on one, 6 feet apart.  Check that one!

So--this is what we do to stay sane.

I am getting some reading done. 

So, this is my 50th Year...

Pretty sure I think I can safely say that 2020 has not been a stellar year for most everybody. 

It is also my 50th year on earth.  I had tried to put a positive spin on this.  I am trying to eat right, exercise, reach out to people and do more...and I was doing pretty nicely and everything just crashed...

I am still working pretty steadily on the exercise and eating right, although frankly, it is a lot harder with everyone at home and wanting comfort food.  I have lost some weight, but I can tell I need to work harder at it to lose more...

I worry about my health, my husband's health...Michael's mental and physical health...and whether we can survive Willow's teen years....

--------------------

Thing is--even though the world is a shit-show right now--personally, our family is doing alright.  We both are still working full time.  And we may complain about shortages, but we are not going to starve and we definitely have enough provisions (and access to them) to get through.  We are in generally good health and mentally, while on a bit edge, we are frayed but not broken.

There are many other people suffering and dying and we are the lucky ones.

So...while this has not been my favorite 50th year...its my only one, and dammit...gonna keep trying and hope to also make a difference in the world.

Masks, Cats, Distance and Spring....

The weather is finally acting like spring and we are starting to wearily venture out with our masks...

Ana made me this one!

The cats have been a LOT more affectionate now that we are always home.  They are also more in our FACE....and demanding!

Kif wanting me to not work and to PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

So far, I have not been able to really "Utilize" the extra time I have--mainly because I am still working when I am at home---and Willow is now required to attend distance learning google meet-ups every M-Thurs.  Keeping her on track, and just maintaining the laundry, groceries and toilet paper...that mainly has left me with less free time than one would think.  Not a lot of extra time to read books or clean up clutter...not when you then want to just relax and maybe play a board game!

So far, while I have not accomplished many goals--I have indeed gotten to have more quality time with my husband and children AND CATS.

Thursday I actually had my first socially distant dinner date with my friend.  It was a bit strange---we got curbside take out from Chilis and ate in the parking lot next to a creek...sitting more than 6 feet away in lawn chairs....it almost felt like camping (esp. when I started to get bit by mosquitoes).  While strange--it was also closer to normal--so I look forward to more of this type of "new normal".

So, Happy Spring! Made some of my Grammies Orange Fluff to celebrate (it was gone within 2 hours--Chewy and Willow gobbled it up).

Observations on a Drive

Went on a drive with Willow on a beautiful Sunday...in our new normal of Corona...

• Lawn signs and sometimes balloons popped up along the way---for 2020 High School Graduates

• Our Thai place has decided to be temporarily closed rather than do take out

• We saw an Ecto One...not sure why, but it was just parked on the street...

• We saw people walking with masks, some not walking with masks, all seeming to keep social distance.

• We saw a person with a sign trying to get people to a rally tomorrow to protest against quarantine rules.

• We saw a contemporary band practicing on the lawn of the Masons building.  We stopped to listen for a bit.

• We saw random signs on people's yards Thanking HealthCare workers and other essential workers...including a person who had a Christmas Lawn Inflatable of a Bumble holding a big old sign.

• We saw a random Goose.  And a small baby squirrel.  And a plastic pink flamingo taped to a branch high up in a tree.

• Dairy Queen was opened and a tradition that we usually observe every Memorial Day (getting the first summer ice cream) was somewhat practiced.

• We saw buds on trees, new green leaves and flowers.  

It was a good day.

Limbo...again...still...

We have had many times in our lives where we have been in some type of limbo.  Often this has been because of a lay-off or some other internal thing.  This limbo--this Covid Limbo...is different.

Usually, when we have been in some sort of limbo in our lives, other parts of our lives have continued.  We still went out, had activities that we participated in, things to distract us from the uncertainty.

This morning, Michael went out for a drive.  As he shut the door, I called after him (and he did not hear) that he should go out walking instead.  He used to walk a lot, but since this winter (which was mild, but cold) he has not...and he is starting to get a few extra pounds on because of being cooped up all the time.  I absent-mindedly thought: "Oh, well, he can go to the Y later today".  And then my mind reminded me.  Nope.  No Y.  No going to the gym for any of us. 

This limbo means that everything is uncertain.  About now, I should have already set up some type of summer camp options for Willow (probably the last year I can).  I should be pushing Michael into getting a summer job lined up.  I should be going through financial aids and scholarship issues for Michael to go to UMass in the fall (still waiting for transcripts that have been delayed because of this pandemic). 

This limbo means I don't know what will happen this July, when normally we would be celebrating Chewy's 50th Birthday and going to Canobie Lake Park (which we did not do last year because of Chewy's foot issues). 

I don't know what will happen in May when Massachusetts maybe will lift some restrictions and start to re-open.  Right now, I am working from home 3 days a week.  That kinda works well for me and dealing our family and their needs.  What happens with online schooling?  What happens to any of the things we normally would do.

One thing is for certain...things are not going to be "normal" for a long time.  And we just need to adjust to the limbo-ness of the moment and the moments to come.

And She is Twelve...

12 years ago I was meeting her for the first time.  12 years ago was a life time ago.  12 years ago was just a blink of an eye.  12 years of my silly, imaginative, intelligent, funny, manipulative, spoiled, happy, depressed, old  soul of a daughter.  I love her to bits.  I love her more every day, every year that she graces my life. 

12 years old...and so much more to me.

Perfect Moments...

• Listening to old albums from our younger days, as we both work in at the kitchen table.  Reminisces, bittersweet time stands still once again.  How often music can bring us back and make our mood lighter and carefree.  PowderPuff Girls Soundtrack remembered and enjoyed along with others...

•  Literalness:  She was waaaay early this morning, then slept in waaaay late.  I finally was able to get her up and showered, told her to come down and get some food...she could smell the bacon from this morning and said "like, some bacon?" and I had to tell her she had literally "Snoozed you Lose" (Dad ate the left over bacon)

• Cat snuggles, cat laps, cat naps

• Laughter from funny jokes, funny shows.  Laughter coming to me while I work, and she is in the other room.

Week 412...

Its been a good weekend, but one of those times when you realize that the "Lazy Sundays" are almost all the time now....

I go into the office on Mondays and Friday, work from home the rest of the week.  We got masks, we got gloves...we are running out of toilet paper...

It still is one of those feelings where it can't be real and yet it is.  We are living in some type of unknown limbo/suspension.  

On a drive with Willow, she grew concerned that she would have to repeat her grade...which I honestly do not know.  At this point, schools are supposed to open on May 4th, but I have a feeling it is going to be September before she will be going back to school...

I guess we keep going and doing what we are doing, be cautious and home-bodies and hope that things do not get too bad.

Here's to staying healthy!

Nice Things...

• Cat naps with my husband on the couch
• Cat nap with Willow and my husband on the couch
• Drives with Willow where we play soundtracks and talk about whatever she wants to talk about
• Playing board games with Michael
• Watching Riff Trax/MST3K with Michael
• Petting the cat (Lennier and/or Kif are especially cuddly right now and sidle up to me often nudging me with their head)
• Working in pjs
• No make up
• Time to read
• Time to listen

On the Verge

So, before all this virus stuff...most of my family was in the midst of a transition...

Michael is finishing community college and wants to transfer to a bigger school...wants to study paleontology and film history...we were just starting to help him apply to a school and get his transcripts, etc. 

Willow just got braces and all that entails.  Now, she has a loose bracket, but since she is not in any pain, the orthodontist said to just monitor it (normally that would be a visit, but the office is closed).

Chewy was interviewing for other positions--and was THIS close to getting a job offer at a place he was really interested in. 

And now--everything is in uncertainty.

The unknowns and the precautions, so far, I have not been bored!

Trying to manage work (at the office and also remotely) is feat...and trying to encourage, entertain, engage and ease our children's fears and anxieties...well...that is a huge task.

And then, last week...add on Chewy having a bout of cellulitis and staying at the hospital (with no visitation!) for 4 days...

Is this thing over yet?

The World is Upside Down and Sideways

Well, so far I cannot say this quarantine time has been eventful...

• Chewy came down with a fever on Tuesday morning--and for a full hour we awaited with increased anxiety for his doctor to call back, to see if perhaps, despite all the precautions, he had gotten the virus.  THAT was a long hour.  Luckily (and who knew I would be saying this is "lucky") it seems he had gotten cellulitis again.  SO...quick trip to the ER, and admittance was in order.  He also got the Covid test--but expectations are the result will be negative.

• Until he is given all clear, I am working exclusively remotely, instead of only half time remotely.

• Then Kif went missing...and that was a wonderful scramble to find him...some how he had gotten outside...not sure when that happened...but now he is back.

• Meanwhile, I have gotten some nice quality moments with the children.  Michael was nice enough to play a board game (Jaws) with me the first night Chewy was in the hospital (when we still were not certain of his diagnosis).  Willow watched silly television with me and snuggled next to me at 1 a.m. (yeah, our time is all messed up here).

• We are running low of toilet paper, and sanity...but we are still here and safe.

And the World Turned Upside Down...

The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
Down, down, down, down

So.  We are here. We are safe. We are uncertain. We are anxious, depressed, happy and scared, angry and tired.  The world has turned upside down.

Today, I worked remotely from home (only 2 days a week at this point), while both children were home.  Chewy worked beside me.  The cats...well, two of them really wanted to hang out with us.  (Kif especially made a nuisance of himself, in a cute and cuddly way).

Frankly, it was a successful work day for me, I got a lot done and was able to do most of my work without too much technical difficulties.  It almost seemed normal.  But.   

Mid-day, I took Michael and Willow with me to go to the grocery store to pick up a few items.  A lot of empty shelves, but all in all, we found things and we are not suffering for things to eat.  It was strange, but also made me thankful for what we do have...and worried for the many people who do not have it so lucky.  

Sometimes it takes times like these to have perspective.  All our troubles and worries--well, they are still there...but bigger concerns eclipse them for now.  And we hold our breath.