Thursday, May 24, 2007

Shell Shocked

"The most common symptom is fatigue: slower reaction times, indecision, disconnection from one's surroundings, and inability to prioritize."

After all the planning, waiting, shots, and the final 2 week wait...this is what it comes down to for me. I am numb (might thave something to do with the plum wine and sake last night). I am tired of doing this. Yet wanting to "just get on" with IVF #2. I am tired of "wanting". Especially since I feel that sometimes that wanting makes me less able to enjoy the things I have, especially my son. And my son is wonderful. He is so damn curious and so intelligent. The first thing he said when I said that the test was negative: "So, you are not pregnant? So, you can try again, right?" Not a problem that can't be solved... And then I told him the best thing about this---I could pick him up again (gosh, he's 50 lbs!). I tried to put a positive swing on H and me going out for dinner (drinks)--"We are going to go out to celebrate the end of this cycle and the beginning of another one". My son would have none of that ---"Mom, that seems kinda silly!"

Anyways, posting this helps me get myself clear on these feelings, regardless of whether anyone reads this or not. And I do know that I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful son. And I look forward to a long weekend where I will not only try to recover myself but enjoy what things I have in life. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, I can face my life again, and look forward to cycle 2...

1 comment:

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I hope the next cycle is successful. It sounds like you are doing a great job handling the disappointment. I guess we tend to become experts in that department, don't we?

Past Times

As we deal with new normals, each of us have our new "past times". After looking for employment, I spend my days running errands...