Older

In 5 days, I will be another year older. Guess what I saw in the car mirror the other day? Two white hairs...not gray (which, btw, I would be okay with) but white (I just hate white hair in general).

I never have had a problem getting older. I like to think that I will have no problem showing my age, etc. But, listening to Christmas songs, driving home last night, I actually had the first pang of...I am not sure what. It was a mixture of regret that my life is, in all likely hood, half over. I felt like I was in a movie theatre trying to say--"Hold on, could you go back a couple reels there?" Wow. I have been with my husband for over 15 years. Michael is almost 10 years old. Willow is almost 8 months old. Time flies by. I would never imagined that I would be almost 40 years old!

It was probably brought on by the fact that this time of year gets me all sentimental and gushy already. And I am missing people in my life. I am remembering them. Wishing there were here, remembering times they were. And some are gone for good. And those times are gone. They are the past. And time is moving forward. I wish sometimes I could press "PAUSE" and just remember EVERYTHING that is going on. That wonderful giggle Willow gave me last night when I was nuzzling her chest. When Michael told me he LOVED his new pajamas and wanted to wear them over and over--and how wonderfully cute and young and handsome he looked in those red pjs with Polar Bears on them. Husband playing with his new G1 like a kid.

But those are fleeting moments in life, that are gone almost as you blink. I think that is part of the reason why I blog and scrapbook. To pause those moments. To make sure I don't forget them.

Comments

Rachel said…
Such a poignant post. I feel sometimes like it is all going too fast.
But it's going to go no matter what, so all we can do is hang on and try to enjoy the ride.
I'm a big fan of hair dye, by the way. Haven't seen my 'real hair' since junior high.
JJ said…
Smelling the roses. A daily struggle, so thanks for the reminder today--have a wonderful birthday-Ill be thinking of you while making fudge=)
~Jess said…
If you're almost 40 and just seeing grays you're doing pretty good! I'm 26 and have gray clumps!

It is amazing how the older you get the faster the time disappears.
Jeffrey said…
I turn 39 tomorrow and my older daughter turned 10 on Monday. I found some white hairs about a year ago. I know how you feel. Christmas time birthdays are rough and wonderful for so many reasons.

Thanks to hair dye, I have more white in my hair than our one living grandmother. ;-) But not much for a almost 40 year old. One of my grandmothers had very pretty white hair and I am hoping I get white like hers but I can understand why someone would prefer gray.

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