In 5 days, I will be another year older. Guess what I saw in the car mirror the other day? Two white hairs...not gray (which, btw, I would be okay with) but white (I just hate white hair in general).
I never have had a problem getting older. I like to think that I will have no problem showing my age, etc. But, listening to Christmas songs, driving home last night, I actually had the first pang of...I am not sure what. It was a mixture of regret that my life is, in all likely hood, half over. I felt like I was in a movie theatre trying to say--"Hold on, could you go back a couple reels there?" Wow. I have been with my husband for over 15 years. Michael is almost 10 years old. Willow is almost 8 months old. Time flies by. I would never imagined that I would be almost 40 years old!
It was probably brought on by the fact that this time of year gets me all sentimental and gushy already. And I am missing people in my life. I am remembering them. Wishing there were here, remembering times they were. And some are gone for good. And those times are gone. They are the past. And time is moving forward. I wish sometimes I could press "PAUSE" and just remember EVERYTHING that is going on. That wonderful giggle Willow gave me last night when I was nuzzling her chest. When Michael told me he LOVED his new pajamas and wanted to wear them over and over--and how wonderfully cute and young and handsome he looked in those red pjs with Polar Bears on them. Husband playing with his new G1 like a kid.
But those are fleeting moments in life, that are gone almost as you blink. I think that is part of the reason why I blog and scrapbook. To pause those moments. To make sure I don't forget them.