Long ago I knew I was not the Stay At Home Mom type. Or any Stay At Home type. When I was first married, I was unemployed for 6 months and it was hell. I get antsy. I get bored. I long for intellectual pursuits and people to see/meet. I start projects around the house that cannot be finished. And that was without children!
Being unemployed these past 4 months has been my chance to see what life would be like if I was indeed a SAHM. It does help that I was getting unemployment checks, because, at least for the short term, the financial aspect of why I have to work was out of the equation. And, surprisingly to me, it.did.not.suck. Yes, there were times when the isolation from adults made me lonely. And, the weather could have cooperated more so that I could have enjoyed more of the out-of-doors. The many projects I thought I would do (organize the clutter, loose weight, cook spectular meals, read more) did not happen as I found other things (and a toddler into everything) to occupy my time.
But I found new appreciation for my children. I got to know them even more than I thought I ever would. I got to look at them with non-hurried eyes. I was able to GIVE to them experiences that I hope they will remember for a long time. This time has bittersweet memories for me that I will cherish forever.
A bit of me now feels totally guilty for having to leave this situation and go back into the work world. A guilt I had not had as strongly 4 months ago.
It will be back to the "normal" life for our family, with an appreciation for the what might have been.
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