One Year Ago...

One year ago we transferred the 2 embryos, one of which became Willow.

I can’t believe that its been a year. 2007 was such a roller coaster ride. It was the year we decided to try IVF. We decided that since our state covered 3 cycles, we would go for it. We knew we would have a 40% chance of success. Compared to the 2% chance without assistance, it seemed so incredibly hopeful. Then we had the first cycle in May of that year. You try hard not to put your hopes on the line. You try, but you fail. And when that negative test result stares at you—your hopes are not just dashed. You crumble. My resolve started to crumble. I worried that maybe we were just not meant to have another child. Maybe one was all we were allotted. Maybe the odds were against us and we should just finish filling in those adoption papers?

And then we picked ourselves back up and did cycle number two. I was far more cynical this time. I went through the motions, but did not hold out any hope. I was certain that this cycle too would fail, and I was starting to wonder what we would do when the third cycle came along. I had already started to make alternative plans.

And then the world changed.

I feel incredibly lucky. I know of other people who have struggled far longer and went through far worse trails than we have and still do not have the satisfaction of a child. I sympathize with their longing and I can only hope that someday they will know what I know now--it is worth every heartache endured. It is worth every needle, every probe, every surgery. It is worth the long hours crying and wishing and longing. It is worth it.