Xmas Eve 2019

Birthday Party -- Me Edition!

Had a birthday party for the first time in a LOOONG time...and it was very fun. 

What struck me most--I have some incredible people in my life! 

Sometimes we are so damned busy with life and its struggles and just...well, Daily-ness.  Never time to actually spend with people we have in our lives and who we know, somehow or other, we really like to spend time with!

I also have incredibly eclectic tastes--in music, movies, hobbies....and friends.  I gathered some of them up in a small room for 3 hours...and we had food, laughter (sometimes at each others expense...) and I realized how people gather together despite their differences, for someone they care about.  And this time that person they cared about was me!  

Unfortunately, 3 hours is not enough time with everyone, and I do regret that I did not get to hang out with everyone as much as I wanted...but it did make me resolve that this next year--this 50th (!) year...I am going to try to make more time to enjoy the friends and family around me and show them how much I appreciate them!

Some pictures:

Will got me a boa and tiara.  And a green mustache...

Kirsten and Willow (and creepy baby doll Willow brought..because...I don't know why)

Indeed!

My balloons...lost already...well, we recovered the "5"

Yeah.  Avengers.  Yum.

Dessert..and an attempt at all you can eat Marshmallows....

I miss writing here...

I promise to try to do better...

Looking at my last post, that pretty much sums up life the past couple months.  Halloween has come and gone and we are already looking at Thanksgiving soon.

Everyone still trying to find their way, some days I think things are just going to crash apart, and some days I see the hope.

This year has gone off the rails so fast and we have never really recovered.  I told myself that I would steer into the slide, and with each new road block, I have found myself having a harder time having the emotional (and sometimes physical) energy to steer.

Okay,  self.  Enough!

50 years old, you are going to be---and dammit, next year will be better!  Or at least you will deal with it better!  Or something like that, dammit!

As usual, what usually happens with me is I go through a sloth/slug period and then I pick myself (and my family) back up again, and we continue on.

Meanwhile, while we get ourselves ready for Thanksgiving and the holidays (and my birthday party!)...some pictures:

Don't know if you can see, but a leaf impression in ice on my car windshield.

At Mt. Auburn Cemetary

Our raccoon who is making a mess of our trash cans lately.

Halloween 2019

Even Michael went out, Halloween 2019

John made a Crepe breakfast while Chewy and Michael were away at Carnage (gaming convention in VT)

Willow found my lip stick.  I think she takes lessons from the Joker...

And then there was the Braces consultation...

#Microblog Monday: Learning to Tread Water

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Work and life have been overwhelming lately for both of us...er...well, for ALL of us.  I think we are all dealing with various situations that are overwhelming us and we are each dealing with it in our ways...trying to find our way out of the anxiety, or at least to the point of getting above it.

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Working from home can be advantageous, but it also brings some disadvantages--Chewy is experiencing all these as he has been working from home since December...the need to get out and AWAY from the house (and the children) is higher...and trying to find the time for him to be able to do just that is hard.

Adding to the issue is Chewy's foot issue (with the whole BOOT thing--no walking without it, no driving).  The good news--it is really healing well now!  The bad--a few more weeks with the boot.

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Michael is on the cusp of so many things, but options and transitions are not things a person on the spectrum can handle well.  The best thing for him is short, simple steps towards a goal...but keeping him moving towards that goal, making sure that he keeps those goals in mind and makes some type of progress towards the goals...that can be a challenge.  The summer break has made him a bit soft...made the parental units soft too. 

I push when I can, but pushing too hard, makes him anxious and he shies away.  Ultimately, HE has to make the progress.

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Willow is having a tough time transitioning to Middle School.  The calls from school are almost daily, and I hope that slowly, but surely, she will get used to the routine of it and get interested in extracurriculars and that will invigorate her interest in school in general.  (She loves reading and learning, she just seems to not like being put into a cookie cutter setting...)

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My work has been overwhelming lately...too much work, not enough time to breathe or take a break...and when I am done with the working day---I have to deal with the above issues.

Thinking of taking advantage of the Day Spa gift certificate from Mother's Day long ago....

Trying to connect...

Tonight was a strange night of connections and non connections....driving to meet my brother for dinner (his birthday is Sunday)...drifting along with tunes...mind thinking about time...Judy Blues Eyes came up and I was starting to cry (Chewy has recently mentioned that he would like this song played when he dies).

Then I drive Michael to his event...and Willow comes along.  She talks to me excitedly about Magna and Anime..about this Magna she is loving and wants me to read.  It's great to hear her discover something and try to get me to discover it too.

Then, picking up Michael later...by ourselves. nothing to say.  I try to reach out and discuss something meaningful...silence.  I cannot connect to him no matter how I try.  And it bothers me but I cannot communicate that to him.  

The end of the night and I come to connect with my husband for the last part of the evening...moving on from the past and future and into the now...

Photos from the Weekend

At Horn Pond

Michael

Willow's drawing of Michael (inaccurate in that she has him with tied shoes...he doesn't wear shoes that tie)

Eating Cracker Jacks in her new sweatshirt (one of a few items she got back to school shopping)

Dang, it Time!! Quit going so fast!!

So, the last time I was going to blog here, I was going to discuss the end of the school year, the end of my last child's elementary school years and looking towards summer....

And then life, just got in the way BIG time!

So, here is the picture I was going to share at that time:

That is a page from a Dr. Seuss book which I bought a few years ago.  I read somewhere that a father had had his daughter's teachers write something in the book ("Oh the Places You'll Go") since kindergarten, and he gave it to his daughter at her high school graduation....sounded like something awesome/impossible to attempt.  So, since Kindergarten, each teacher of Willow's has written something in this book at the end of the year...so, now...onto Middle School....ummm...now, I realize this is going to be a lot harder!  ;-)

Willow had a tough, tough time in 4-5 grades.  I am hopeful that Middle School will be different...not necessarily easier--but more closer to her sensibilities.  I am looking forward to her trying new things like band and drama club, etc.

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OKAY, so now it is August!

Chewy has been dealing with medical issues all year--first his appendix and now an infected toe.  He has been limited in his walking abilities (has a boot and is restricted) and has not driven in over a month....the good news for all is that means that Michael has had to step up on his driving....and has finally gotten his Driver's License!!!

Working from home, Chewy has been able to take care of his foot better, although having to have the kids around has gotten a bit stifling too... (they are generally good and Willow has the occasional camping experience to escape/run from...)

Michael HAS NOT gotten a summer job again...but he has been trying harder at it, and it worked out that he was needed a chauffeur as it is...so there is that.

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We were able to get away rather quickly for a short Cape Cod long weekend last week...despite me coming down with an infection and laid me low most of that week...

She got totally wet trying to do the dishes...

Note from Willow regarding helping out while I was sick...

We went to the Edward Gorey house, we played mini-golf at a new place, we went to the Woods Hole Aquarium, hung out in Falmouth town square, we sought out a couple beaches and seafood...finished with pizza from the Red Barn....it was different/same and lazier than normal...but despite it all...we had a good time and will remember certain parts of it more than we would our "normal" Cape adventures...

Inflatable park...that is Michael behind Willow in a plastic ball...

The best picture I could get of the family this year...despite their expressions, the kids had a great time! (the parents, sometimes wanted to leave the kids behind, but...we digress...)

A lobster that she did not eat!

On the beach in the early evening...

Drawing during dinner...

What swim suit? None needed!

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And now...its again AUGUST...and while the summer is starting its swan song...we still have some summer time fun left...and our favorite guest coming---Tom!

Looking forward to having an excuse to do some fun touristy things with Tom, and hope that we get a few more beach days in before the summer is over and the fall begins....

Listening to 80s Alternative is Lowering my Blood Pressure....

As usual, our lives cannot be "normal" for any length of time---Chewy is looking for another job, Willow is growing like a weed and I cannot keep up, Michael is finished with another semester of college with nothing lined up (yet) for summer.....

I am working....and working HARD...and my only solace lately when the the pressures of life and work get to me--Netflix...and my Amazon Playlist of 1980s alternative music....listneing to Depeche Mode, New Order, The Cure, The Smiths...

Rocking away while working away!

Now, if only I could get myself motivated to get to an aqua aerobics class on Saturday mornings...I would be happy!

Hopefully, things will get better soon...although the world seems to be going downhill faster lately...sigh...

Willow at Eleven

Puberty. Anxiety. Wisdom. Depression. Love of the absurd, both horrible and silly. Lover of books, both non-fiction and fiction. Observant. Naive. Not-as Naive.  Maturing, but not sure.  Teenager to the T.

Willow has hit the ground running this year and 11 finds her questioning and pondering and trying to find herself.  She reminds me very much of myself at her age.  We have had some interesting discussions lately.  I worry about her feelings of depression and anxiety, but I am happy that she is willing to discuss things openly with me.

There have been wonderful moments between me and her lately, whether it has been her sitting up in the front seat in the car, her and I singing at the top of our lungs to the Romantics or watching some comedy sketch she likes on UTube, or just snuggling and talking...it has been great to get to know her in a more mature way. 

It is going to be a bumpy ride...but I am proud of the young woman she is becoming...and hopefully, this year will get better!

#MicroblogMonday - Drawn Emotions

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Therapy for the girl can sometimes provide insights in ways you do not expect.  For example, I know that she has been practicing drawing (anime is one of her favorite styles), but I hadn't seen how far she has progressed until last Friday, when her therapist asked her to draw out her emotions:

They each have names, and I am not sure of each one now, but I know that the middle one here is Yanny and she is the productive one (she even has an apron on like she is going to do lots of stuff!) the one on the right is anger...

I know the one on the left is sadness, the one in the middle is silliness...

The one on the left is anxiety/awkwardness, middle is shy...

Not only is my daughter very talented in drawing (these were all done within a half hour) she is very in touch with her emotions.  Now, if only she could learn to access the Productive one more often in school...which is one of the discussions in therapy....

My Reader

Every night I pick her up from After-School care, I find her in the same position...laying with a pillow on the raised heaters, involved with a book. She is going through books like they are water. She reads and reads and reads. I love it!! Sometimes she is reading in class when she is supposed to be paying attention to a lesson on math. Other times she is reading classic books...yesterday I picked her up and she was reading Judy Blume's "SuperFudge" Sunday, on our way back from piano lesson, she read to me from a non-fiction book I got her about immigrants and what accomplishments they have made to society. She reads Graphic Novels, she reads comics on her Kindle. She is our kindred reader...I love watching her mind open up with each page. I hope this love of books remains with her always.

Total Con #33

We left on Thursday evening and I could not help but feel a sense of belonging-- we have been going to this convention for so long, it always feels like a home-coming of sorts to go.  Meeting up with old and new friends and acquaintances.

We had a rough start -- Michael was reluctant to go this year, then he went to his classes on Friday and took an Uber back to the hotel--whereupon Uber dropped him off not at the hotel and he was lost and frustrated -- THINGS WE LEARNED: don't rely solely on technology--write addresses down on paper (I had texted him the hotels name and address, but he couldn't access it quickly enough when the Uber driver insisted this was the address he wanted); Marlborough is wonky with the directions at points....after an hour of frustrations, it was worked out and all was good.

The rest of the convention was satisfying and fun!  Met up with some friends and made some new ones, got some pool time and some game time...I think both Chewy and I enjoyed all the games we did--including Cyber Punk with the creator and Muppets D&D...and Michael and Willow both had fun and enjoyed themselves (sometimes despite themselves!!)

And now...another yearly ritual is over--until Next Year!

Did not take many pictures this year--but here is Friday morning:

20 and onward to TotalCon...

Because we knew that we were going to be heading to Total Con last night (Michael's birthday), we got him a Birthday Cake on Wednesday night...his only request on what type of cake--it had to have blue frosting!

It was a very impromptu "singing" of Happy Birthday--this is a pretty informal birthday as it is..(his "word" for the new year--"urine")

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Last night, we headed out to Total Con (right now, I am typing this on my lap top in a hotel room..).  But...before we started our Total Confusion Convention...time to celebrate Michael's Birthday, one more time---at Legal Seafoods!!

Where both kids tore into Lobsters...

And I mean, tore into...I had to at one point, tell her she had mined it all.

Michael - 20 years

Michael's "Official" photo, when I asked to take a picture of this occasion.

So.  I have a 20 year old son...who drives me crazy sometimes, who I worry about often, who surprises me just when I think I have him figured out...

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And now, we are here at Total Con again, and I am looking forward to some fun games and memories...