----------------------------------
Part of an email I sent to a still grieving friend last week: "....I think this time of year makes things harder too...its the change in seasons, the holidays are coming. And since you do not have a job, you have plenty of time on your hands to think of things and it can make your mind wander too much into grief. Just remember--there is no time limit on grief. Whatever you feel, whenever and however long you feel it--that is fine. Last night, I had some weird nightmares, and I cannot say what they were about per say any more, but I know they had my Grammie and my Grandma in them, and that I woke up with a very heavy sense of loss. Grief and missing those we love and still love does not go away with time. It gets a little easier...but it is never truly gone, just like our love for them is never truly gone. I have been down a little lately, I think the change of seasons from summer affects me more as I get older. Hopefully, I will switch gears soon to enjoy the fall...it usually happens once I see some nice foliage."
-------------------------------------
Sometimes grief is not just about the loss of a person. It is a loss of something less tangible. On Friday, I was taking Willow to a Family Fun night at her school...an evening outside in the field next to the school, free ice cream and popcorn and a movie on a big screen. While she was having fun, I had a huge feeling of loss sweep over me. It only took me a few minutes to realize why...the high school is not that far away...and there was a football game playing...and the marching band was playing. I just felt the overwhelming loss of what could have been, what is not. My son is not there playing in the band anymore. He doesn't go to the local high school anymore. I will not be experiencing the "typical" high school senior moments this year with my son. My son's senior high school experiences will be spent working on his transition skills to college and the wider world. He will have community trips and outings to get him used to social interactions with people and learning to control his behavior to fit into a society that doesn't "get" him. He will probably spend another year at the school he is at to help with this transition to college.
Thing is...I am proud of the progress he has made and is making...I do think he will enter into college and find himself and get a rewarding career. It will take more time, perhaps, but he will do it.
Still, there are times that even after you have reconciled yourself to being a Special Needs parent...you grieve the "might have beens". Friday night, with the lights and the sounds, combined with the approach of fall...it was a moment that my grief came to visit me.
--------------------------------------
Then there was Saturday. Michael applied for and was accepted for a job at a Halloween store. His first day was Saturday. There was a bit of a problem with paperwork, but he actually dealt with it pretty well and things worked out....and he did his shift and all went well. I could not be prouder!
--------------------------------------
The paperwork snafu was mainly fixed because Chewy is an awesome father and while I was working out other solutions, he re-read the form and found a loop-hole. We got the alternative paperwork and Chewy took Michael back to his job. On the way there, Chewy said "See, I told you I'd figure it out." Michael said "You did not say that, but I knew you would."
3 comments:
I'm still thinking about Lori's post (higher up on the #MM list) about accepting the "what is". Which is what it sounds like you have done well. It doesn't mean that there won't be moments of grief when you think about the otherwise, but it's about experiencing them and then continuing on with the "what is".
Love this and really needed it today. Lovely.
I teach senior high special Ed (different student profile) so appreciate the insight from a parent's POV. Transition years are hard. I hope your son has a good year.
Post a Comment