Time plays tricks on me and sometimes I just assume you were always here (how quickly that can happen, within a space of 10 months you have become part of our family). I see you in front of me and realize you are not the figment of my imaginings that often rumbled around my head and heart for those many years. No, you are flesh and blood and you are mine.
How can I explain my need for you? Some people would say that we were lucky to have your brother (and that is true), but I knew in my heart that our family was missing someone. Sometimes the hurt that came from not having you in our lives made me question your need to exist. Sometimes I had to turn away with a sense of dread—wondering if the path not taken was the path instead.
It took a long time for us to go down that path and go to the clinic. Being a science fiction geek, I tend to imagine you being mixed up and concocted in a laboratory with fizzy test tubes and electrodes* a scientist with a white fright wig on and sneer, glaring until finally declaring---IT’S ALIVE!!
---hmmm…I think I digressed a bit there….
What I did not imagine is what a wonderful little person you are. How beautiful your eyes are, what a wonderful fluff of hair you have. That tooth, slowly poking through and that hint of personality…all brought together by your mom, dad and a little bit of science. Look what we did! We created you—you, a unique person, our science baby! I am so very proud of what we were able to accomplish. I am so very proud of you. I love you, my daughter.
* although by then I had read and found out all I could about IVF/ICSI, I think I still tend toward my melodramatic tendencies
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Time Machine
Last week I finally decided to somehow transfer my DVDs and VHS tapes onto digital platforms. Since I cannot transfer the VHS tapes, I sent ...
4 comments:
Your post brought tears to my eyes because I sooo understand that need you were talking about. I can also relate to the 'sci-fi' aspect of it all. The drugs, the freaky ultrasounds to count my follicles, the IUI's, you name it. No romance here! I have never met the man who fathered my son, but I will always be grateful to him for making my science baby possible!
This is beautiful! Isn't it amazing how once they are here it is like they always were. Happy 10 months!
Happy 10 months precious baby. You are so loved my wour mommy and many others. Welcome to the double digit club!
What a beautiful post :) So moving and true- Happy 10 months baby Willow :)
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