Going Well...

We took Willow to the Doctor's yesterday, and her jaundice level is dropping and as she is seeming to pick up more on the breastfeeding and she is eliminating well, the Doc gave her a clean bill of health. We have a follow up next week.

I have a follow up with the OB tomorrow. During my hospital stay, part of my incision started coming open and they had to put staples in. Nothing like watching your doctor and a nurse put novicane-like stuff into your belly and then the nurse comes over with what looks like a REGULAR old stapler--and puts five staples into you! Fun!

Things are chaotic, but starting to get into routine. Learning new things and remembering old things about newborns and Willow in specific. She is starting to be more wakeful, and I figure by the weekend we will start having the more "interesting" part of newborn-ness. Michael has been wonderful. Helping (when prompted--he is only 9) and very much into picking up Willow and holding her. He is very gentle, and last night wanted to try to do his homework while holding her (we got video!).

Husband's mother has just arrived, and hopefully that will help with some of the chaos (at least for a week).

Okay, husband is hovering over me to go get some rest...

So, I leave you with this picture (courtesy of my brother).

Morning Conversations...

Me: Hmm...its almost 7 a.m., time for Michael to get ready for school...when did we finally get her down?

Him: 4 a.m. I think.

Me: I don't remember that.

Him: We both worked on it.

Michael: (Jumping into the room) Its 7:04, time to get up!

LATER:

Michael: Umm..I got some of the eggshells into the bowl. (And now its on his shirt)

Him: (Willow crying a bit) Should I give her the formula instead??!? Michael--could you get the wipes? They are upstairs in our room...

15 mins later:

Me: Michael, its in a yellow container. Umm..there is water everywhere on the floor because you loaded the dishwasher wrong and a plate filled up and splashed water everywhere when I opened it. BTW, there are bottles boiled now, just in case, but I will breast feed her in a few minutes.

Michael: Why did you guys not tell me it was a plastic container?

Me: Could you get Michael a new shirt?

Me and Michael: Not that one!

Michael: That toaster waffle is Broken!! (refuses to eat it--until we explain it can't be broken)

Me: (to Him)Okay, so this is how you scramble eggs...

End:

We all made the scrambled eggs; Michael got a new shirt on; Willow ate two breasts; Him almost forgot the blueberry muffins to bring into school cuz its a field trip day...

Ahh...choas...

We have Kids!

Willow and I are home! The hospital stay was uneventful and the nurses were as wonderful as I remember them. Some even remembered us from nine years ago (my husband is that kind of memorable person). More to tell (and the birth story, etc.) later.

Right now, I am so dazed (partially because of painkillers) and happy (partially cuz of those painkillers) and its hard to believe the many phrases I am so happy to be able to say right now, like--I am going to spend the rest of the evening with my children.

So, for a quick update:

Willow is fine, a bit jaundice. She is a lazy breastfeeder (mainly because of the jaundice), but she is doing fine in the diaper department. We have to take her in for some blood tests tomorrow and then we shall see how she is doing.

I am fine although sore. Trying to take the advice to RECOVER and not do too much. So far my baby blues are in check...

Thanks everyone for the comments and congratulations! I will catch up on blogs later..

Today Willow and Delenn get sprung!

Just to let you know, Delenn and the baby come home today!

She's here!!!(Yes Willow)

This is Brad, April and baby are doing great. 7 lbs, 3 oz, 20 inches
born 11:09 am
:)

Tomorrow it is...

Went to the pre-op appointment today. Saw a video about what to expect (with having to have had 2 egg retrievals last year, the whole IV thing and not eating after midnight thing are kinda old hat). Still a bit nervous, but meeting with the everyone was informative and frankly, it sounds like (perhaps) this will be smoother than last time.

It's scheduled at 10:30 a.m. (We have to be at the hospital at 8:30 a.m.) Hopefully, by 11 a.m. we will be meeting our little girl!

This might be my last post for a bit...I am bringing my laptop, but unsure of internet access.

Will update when/if I can--maybe husband doing an update tomorrow.

Crazy (Very) Pregnant Woman

Today was a holiday in Massachusetts. Its Patriot's Day (also the day of the Boston Marathon). Which means that since Michael is on school vacation this week, even the day camp that I would normally send him to (if I was working) was closed today. Which was actually fine with me, since I thought I would do something special with him. Originally thinking of two things, one was a parade in Concord, MA (near the North Bridge) or a kite flying day on top of a mountain observatory. Well, my son did not want to do the parade, so we did the mountain observatory thing.

Which, according to the stuff I read on line, we should have (a) been able to drive to or (b) take a shuttle bus up the mountain. However, when we got there--I could not find a way to drive up there, and I did not see shuttle buses. I did read that to get to the observatory was a "walk or hike of 1 mile". Me, being the person who drags my family out for such hikes (while both my son and husband would be perfectly happy playing video games all day), I figured, what the hell. Right? I can do a mile? Right?!?! I mean, take it slow and easy (I'm not that crazy--right?) Ummm...yeah.

First off, it's a mile if you know what trail to take, and you just don't wander off, letting your 9 year old lead the way, because, frankly, you haven't hiked since your second cycle of IVF, and while you have been exercising all this time--this is a bit much. My son, I must say, was perfect. He enjoyed the walk, we observed various things, including a woodpecker and we found 2 snakes! (I tried to pick one up and it slithered away). But, I just am TOO PREGNANT now. After a little over 1/2 mile straight up, I was getting kinda winded. I tried to pace myself, and I think I made the mile mark very well. BUT, we were no where near the observatory. And Michael starts going -- "Mom, your face looks very red." So, we stopped and rested for a bit. We finally found a paved road that was going up, and we traveled another 1/2 mile up walking on the road (hoping desperately that I would see a shuttle bus coming up or down the road). Once we got closer, I even saw the bus drop off. And we FINALLY got to the observatory.

Where was saw NO KITES!!! It was not windy enough, and there were not enough people there--but for $5 a person you could MAKE a kite. We skipped that. Also for more money we could go FURTHER up the observatory. By then I was like--I am not going UP any more today. I asked about the shuttle buses---I guess those are only for their Open Houses and other special occasions (I guess this wasn't one?!). BUT, after I played the pregnancy card (Hey, I am giving birth THIS WEEK!), an employee drove us down the mountain. (Part of me thinks I could have made it down--but part of me was rational knowing my condition).

Had some BH's, but after getting hydrated (I did not expect to be hiking--otherwise I would have carried Water!) and coming home to 1/2 hour nap, all is a-okay.

Part of me is proud that I could do that hike at this stage (heck, last pregnancy I was on strict bedrest and really sick). But my son said "Maybe we should have done the parade."

Significant Dates

In less than a week, we will be meeting our little girl. It made me think of all the time and energy spent on achieving this new life. To this list I could have added the many, many dates I have on my calendar of shots and bloodwork and ultrasounds and doctors appointments. I could even mention the first cycle, which started so hopeful and ended so depressingly. I could mention the many many years of trying and monitoring and failing and crying...but in the end, all that matters is that in less than a week, she will be here and I am so thankful.


Started 2nd IVF/ICSI cycle on: July 26, 2007

My protocol was a Microflare starting with Lupron that day; Gonal/FSH the next.

Egg Transfer: August 7, 2007 (One of you girlies stuck!! I like to think Attia)

HPT: Saturday, August 18, 2007 Beta confirmed the next day.

First Ultrasound: September 4, 2007

First OB Appointment: October 4, 2007

Knew it was a Girl: 11/27/07

Last day of Work before Maternity Leave: Today, April 18, 2008

Scheduled C-Section: Thursday, April 24, 2008 9 a.m. (EST).

Arrrgh! Work Rant!

Okay, so I figured the last week of work would probably be hectic, frantic and a bit worrisome. However, the reasons for my feelings right now have NOTHING to do with the original reasons why I would be hectic, frantic and worried.

The things bothering me now did not even EXIST until this week! Its like all that has been before has been thrown out the window and now my boss has decided to THROW UP all over everything!

Backing up:

I am the only administrative assistant in a small law firm. Generally, working for 9 lawyers is a challenge, but we are small and some of the lawyers are more self-sufficient than others, and while there have been times that I wish I had more help (especially with filing), I can handle the day to days of the office pretty damn well (if I do say so myself). There is an Office Manager, but she and I do totally different things (she mainly does billing, etc.).

I told the office manager and my boss relatively early on about the pregnancy (they had known about the IVF, etc.). Talk of maternity leave and temporary help was held off for a bit (mainly because my boss didn’t want to jinx it---and he is a procrastinator). FINALLY, the beginning of the year, we had the talk about maternity leave (10 weeks paid) and getting a Temp or maybe a Temp to Perm (to add to the administrative personnel) during my maternity leave was mentioned.

Then the economy (and real estate—we are commercial real estate, but it still affects us a bit) went bad….Temp only; maybe part time Temp….

NOW I find out last Friday---he’s decided they will be okay without a Temp. No one will be replacing me. It’s not a reflection of the value of me. Essentially, my boss is panicking. He knows he is paying my time off and he knows his lawyer’s office hours are lower…so he assumes that the Office Manager can “pick up some of the slack” and that they will muddle through the next 10 weeks…

And who is happy about this? Not the office manager, that’s for sure. And I frankly had a quiet little hope that a Temp would be at least keeping my job in a small dull roar of filing vs. the HUGE MESS I will probably find when I get back. Let alone, the office manager has no clue about some of the things I do, and—so I have to teach her to do my job AND she has to do HERS. (Which I just know is going to be bad mojo coming down during the next 10 weeks). My least annoying thought—that when I come in with Willow I will be nursing her and being asked tons of work questions, etc. (Where’s this file? What’s this do?)

Here I thought this week I would be training someone and having a little help besides to get things cleaned up a bit. Oh, and do my job, too… which, just cuz the lawyers might not have tons of work, doesn’t translate to no work for me (in fact this is when they start to think of organizing their offices and asking me to do “projects” for them).

To add to it, my boss gave me a highly redundant and useless project, of which I have put as lowest priority—cuz now I have to get things in order for NO ONE (or is that EVERYONE?).

Hopefully, something will work out (there are rumblings of the Part Time option again).

In the end though—I gotta say, as of this FRIDAY---it’s not my problem!

38 Weeks...

Willow in profile.


She is measuring 6 lbs. 6 oz.


http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/calendar/week38

http://www.visembryo.com/baby/38_weeks.html

Two Weeks from Today (or sooner)

So, its officially two weeks from my scheduled C-Section.

Someone asked me if I was excited. And yes, I am. But mostly, I am anxious and anxiety ridden. And this is normal for me. Before a trip or an event, I am the organizer. I like getting things ready. I like having it all planned out. To the point that I am ready two or three days BEFORE the travel date. Or I am ready 2-3 hours before the party.

And then I WAIT. Which is kinda silly, cuz I hate waiting. But, I want to be organized…so I guess I trump myself.

So, I am organizing and planning. My normal coping mechanisms.

But there is also the other aspect. The aspect that has come from 5 long years and many long months of dealing with needles and injections and missteps and disappointments. I STILL, even at this point, cannot believe that there will be a healthy baby girl in my life in 2 weeks. I cannot picture her. I try to picture her in the baby clothes. But I cannot. Is it too much to hope for? What will happen to prevent this? And while I take solace in the blogsphere, I also find reasons to fuel my worries. This hope for another child has been just that—hope, for so long, I just cannot believe that it will truly happen.

I remember when I was pregnant with Michael. I could picture him in the crib. He was Generic Baby, all clean and happy and drooly. But he was there and I KNEW he would be there. I NEVER questioned that I would have a happy and healthy child. I am so amazed at that attitude, especially because his birth was so traumatic (and there was an actual chance of something bad happening). But somehow, my innocence on the matter saved me the worry. Only afterwards do I see what a danger my son and I were in.

Now, there are no signs of danger. Everything is going according to plan (so far). Willow is fine, I am fine (older but healthier this time around). But, I cannot picture the happy ending.

Normally, I relax and enjoy myself after we arrive. Once the plane has gotten on the ground, once we have unpacked at our destination, once the party has started and all my planning and organization pays off. I guess I just need her here. Now. So I can start enjoying this new person in my life.

Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. -- Cindy Lew

This Sunday, my friend Ana threw me a surprise Baby Shower. It was one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me. And there was a conspiracy too!! My son, my husband, even some of my co-workers knew! (I am a bit surprised my son was able to keep a secret like that for so long). I never had a shower for Michael--moving 800 miles away from everyone and being married into a Jewish family (Jewish tradition does not tend to do Baby Showers), it just did not happen. I have always kinda missed that. And now I feel truly loved and want to thank everyone for being such great people!

Ana put so much work into the party, decorations, cupcakes (I had 3), chocolate bars with paper wrapping on them saying "In Anticipation of Willow!", etc.! And Little Caesar's Pizza (my fav!).

Pretty surprising to walk into Ana's house to see my brother and his fiance! It was a small gathering, but the love and care that went into everything was just astounding.

As for the gifts--I got a toy chest filled with some really funny onesies and other outfits (none too girly, thank you very much) and a Baby Calendar and a Gift Certificate for Babies R Us--which I promptly used that evening!

Shower decorations.





Some funny onesies (there are more--she's going to be quite witty!).


The girliest outfit. And yes, Ana, I will let her wear it.


Less girlie outfit from my brother and his fiance. The pooh socks from Ana.

Toychest.


With some toys (I gotta go down to the basement and find some of Michael's old toys--another project for maternity leave)


The nursery (looking kinda messy--the car seat is in there). The glider is Michael's old one. He got a used glider in his room...well, actually, we bought a used glider for the nursery, but Michael found it was bigger and more comfy and claimed it--I let him win that battle--Heck, he's the big brother, after all!


Another angle of nursery.


The travel system and car seat assembled. We all learned how to buckle Cthullu in...

Three Weeks! Eeek! - Updated

Willow's ear (and some of her cheek)










Top (and back) of head -- you can see whisps of her hair. (click on the images to see them bigger)













UPDATE: The Refresher class ended up being pretty cool. We were 15 mins. late (mainly cuz we couldn't find parking). When we got there, the nurse (Karen) was there outside the conference room. We thought we were the last ones—it turns out, we were the ONLY ones. There was supposedly another couple coming, but they never showed. Now, normally that would be a canceled class, or at the very least a pretty awkward situation where you stumble through an attempted class. BUT Karen decided not to do the class at all but give of her time to let us ask her ANY questions (specific or otherwise) we might have. It was pretty cool. We explained about last time (the preclampsia, the almost 3 weeks of bedrest, the stressful induction and labor followed by the emergency C section---and she actually a illuminated some things about it that I had not really understood or been able to process). She also made me feel less anxiety about the whole process this time, and while she is a proponent for natural childbirth, she agreed that considering last time, our decision for a scheduled C-Section made sense. By the end (it was a 2 hour class, and we were actually there talking with her for that whole time), we both felt we had made a friend—she even made sure to find out my C-Section date and said that she would make a note to stop by. She ended it by saying that she had a good feeling about us and our baby and she couldn’t wait to meet Willow and her brother.

(hmmm...the breathing exercises--um...I guess I will look 'em up in the book we got!) :-)

I'll try to post those ultrasound pictures tonight---before BSG of course!!!

--------------------------

Okay, tonight is our Refresher Childbirth class. I am going to ignore (a) that we are doing a scheduled C-Section (cuz, ya never know, do ya) and (b) the class is recommended for parents who have had a child in the last 5 years (it specifically says that as if there is a specific time limit/age gap that everyone is going for – “and you haven’t had one in like 9 years—you are TOTALLY out of the loop, aren’t you”). I can’t wait to have to go around the room and hear all those people with 2 or 3 year olds and all that and it will come to us---yep, we have a NINE year old. Take any bets we’ll have the oldest kid? And at least one person will gasp and make a big deal of the age difference?

Ultrasound yesterday went very well, except she was hiding her face….next to my nether regions facing toward my backside…BUT we got a cute picture of her EAR and a view from the top of her head, where one can see whisps of her hair (!). Willow is measuring a little over 5 lbs. (28% percentile, within a normal range). Her butt is sticking near my right rib cage, her head is faced down, which is how she has pretty much been since last ultrasound (not like her brother, who was doing backflips or something—he was breech and/or head down depending on his mood daily). Otherwise, the aminotic fluid is a-okay, saw her kidneys, her ribs, her heart was beating fine…everything is fine. (Pictures forthcoming)

Then I had my OB appointment, where she went over the surgery consent form. You know—the one where they highlight and mention all the things that can go wrong (including your death, dismemberment, etc.). It’s a fun form. AND she wants me to go over it again with the other OB next week (as I am meeting next week with the one performing the C-Section). “Just in case she has something more she wants to add.” Um. Yeah.

We are down to the weekly OB appointments.

Our last class.

I just got my “Present from Willow to Michael” surprise in the mail (I am going to leave him this gift while we go to the hospital—hmm…he already expressed a distinct aversion on wearing a shirt saying Big Brother….TOO BAD, KIDDO!! You’re going to get one!!)

I have started to prepare a list in my mind (and on various stickies) of things to pack—intending to do that this weekend.

So, other than that particular blend of excitement, anxiety, tension and stress…I am doing FINE!