A week ago, we were in Provincetown at a beach.
Two weeks ago, I was with my brother in a room watching my mother die.
Three weeks ago, those things were in the future...unknown.
Time is fluid. Time is straight. Time is everywhere around me and in my thoughts. It slips away, as summer goes into fall. As school approaches. As holidays come and go.
Various memories of the past two weeks mix together in a weird conglomeration of sadness, happiness...the strange things that pop up in my mind:
- feeding my mom a nutter butter (at her request, one of the last she made to me)
- me badly singing along to Beach Boys and Beatles to try and amuse her (and myself)
- getting a much needed break from the mundane with a restful trip to Cape Cod when I really needed it...I need more beach time!
- meeting goats on Cape Cod
- looking out at a beautiful sunset at the beach
- getting texted sympathy messages from people--sometimes just when I needed it the most--sometimes when I had just had my mind settled--but always appreciated
- giving and receiving extra TLC from Willow
- those little nods and small gestures from Michael which means he cares and just doesn't know how to show it, including coming to my work and giving me a Burger King crown
- sorting through a LOT of crackers and adult coloring pages at my mom's room with my brother
- seeing Willow tote around for days a small rag doll my mom must have made during a crafting day
There are other memories of those last few days, ones that intermingle and will change with time.
Time moves on, but there is the persistence of memory...