Showing posts from January, 2013

And Hello...

This is Lily (or is it Lilly or Lilli?):

She likes playing with plastic bags.
She is the fat cat of the family.
She is starting to get used to our family.  
We picked her up on Sunday morning.  Most of that day she stayed in Michael's room, just sleeping.  She is slowly coming out of her shell, although I haven't seen her interact with Kif or Gabby that much yet...mainly some hisses (by her) and some trepidation (by them).  But.  She has started to eat and use the litter box.  (Much better than our closet!)  And aside from peeing on some of our clean clothes earlier this week, she seems to be doing pretty good.

She loves to be brushed a lot, which calms her down.

Good Byes

We took the day off to say good bye to Paul today.

It was a typical wake/funeral.  Happy to see old friends at an awful time, awkwardness at relatives (some who had not seen him in many years), talk of how/why it happened, and people going up to the closed coffin to say good bye.

I came up during this time and stood next to the coffin and said what I wanted to, then spent the time meeting people and going to the corner comfortable chairs with Willow to answer her questions about life and death. She was really well behaved and when Paul's sister told us that she had seen pictures of Willow at his house (that she will return to us), it made our decision to bring her feel more right.

As it was getting time to go to the grave site, the funeral director asked people to please come up (if they wanted to) to say good bye one last time before it was put into the hearse.

I asked Willow if she wanted to say good bye.  And she did.  So, she and I went up together.  I had avoided the kneelin…


Throughout my day today, there were times when I could not believe that he wasn't here in the world.  It just is so typical of know, to point out how quickly one could be...and then not be.

I think this is the first death of a friend close to my age for me.  Well, at least close to my middle age to me.

Death is never fun at any age, but I guess when I was younger, when a friend was tragic and almost sensational.  I was young and young people feel so immortal.  It is a rarity. I want to say it was easier to move on, but I don't know if that is what I mean...maybe I just think it was easier to move on because I am so far removed from those deaths now.

Our friend was not that much older than us.  And being in the middle of life...well, it definitely makes the "coulda been me"s more easier to see.  I guess that is part of it.  Although I think most of it is...he was here.and now he is gone.

It was too quick.  Too sudden.  And I think we are in shoc…

Explaining Death to my daughter...

It has happened.  Someone close to us has died and I had to explain death to my 4 1/2 year old.

My grandmother died a couple years ago, but to be honest, she lived 800 miles away and I hadn't seen her in years.  I felt sad when she died, but she was old, she was tired and sick.  I had spoken to her a few times before she died...I had closure.  And Willow did not need to really know much more about it.  I mentioned the passing in an abstraction and she went back to playing.

Today, we found out a good friend, a friend who came by our house often enough and spent time with Willow often enough...well, he died suddenly last week, and we just found out.

And I had to explain death to her.  Finally.  I could not put it off.  Not being religious, I have to be careful not to couch things in too stark of cycles seem to work well.  All I know is that she said "I want _____ back."  Me too, hon.  Me too.

Trying to get back to "normal" with obstacles...

Since Thanksgiving, things have not really been back to the "normal" routines in this household.  We keep trying to, but then something else causes change.  My gallbladder issues took three weeks out of our normalcy.  While I was in the hospital, btw, my husband got laid off from his job.  Oh, and then three of us were sick during Christmas (Willow was lucky not to get sick, although we suspect she/daycare was the reason we got the nurovirus).

I did not get the week of Christmas vacation off because I have a new job which is highly stressful. Combined with recovering and sickness--made the holidays go by quickly and strangely.  New Years was healthy, but felt "off" too.

All this stress and change means that we are not eating as healthy or as many home cooked meals as we should.  It is kinda hard to feel motivated to cook when you are tired and stressed, and it is easier to get take out or go to a restaurant.  I think we also tend to eat out more during the winter,…

The Kids - Updated

Willow keeps on amazing me with things she does and ways she looks at the world. Not only is it a 4/5 year old perspective, but it is a girl perspective, an individual perspective different than the comfortable perspectives of the others around me (because she is young and “new” to the world).

She has lately had trouble sleeping, occasionally having those nights where she sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night. The other night she had a bout of this and I overheard her say to Chewy: “Daddy, can you make the bad dreams come out of my head so I can sleep?” This morning I found her sleeping sideways in the rocking chair in her room (I have no idea how and why, but there she was, sound asleep).

Willow has also been enjoying school and it has been interesting to see her social network expand. She has a best friend named Kayla. Most days she is happy to go to school and play with her friends, reluctant to leave in the evening pick up.

She has a dance class at school, where she is le…