When our friend died, Michael never cried. He was sad, but he did what he normally does--internalized his emotions. He is often stoic and a loner type, a personality and Aspergers trait. It is hard to get into his emotional core sometimes.
Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I heard him cry. That awful cry of heartache and grief and loss. I could tell by his cries that it was not just for the loss of Lily (who he had gotten extra close to), but also the BIG thoughts of early adult hood...mortality and all that entails.
Part of me was happy that something had reached his emotional core. A part of me was glad to see him grasping things that are hard, that at least this was a gentle entry into this part of life (and death).
But mostly--my heart ached for my son who was inconsolable.
He had a good cry, I held him and rubbed his back. He slept a little on the couch. He talked to his dad and he had a good long shower.