My friend Lori says "Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between."
Moment #1: It is just me and her. I want to do something special, so I decide we will go to the movies together. A new animated movie came out and I am sure she will like it. I sneak in candy in my purse, but I indulge her with popcorn and an Icee all her own. We sit in the darkened theatre and exchange the looks and whispered comments. We enjoy the movie and our time together. It is nice to just be mother and daughter. Afterwards, on a whim, I decide to take us out to lunch too. She remembers the place and specifically remembers that it has piles of books that children can borrow while they are waiting for their food. It is so wonderful to see sunshine in her eyes and hear it in her voice. It may not be spring yet weather-wise…but I see her sprouting and blossoming in that moment.
Moment #2: The next day. We are all at home. Secretly, I am thinking about the cute movie we saw yesterday and wishing that the rest of the family had seen it. Out of the blue, she suggests we all go to it. The expense, the fact that we just saw it yesterday…there are so many reasons why we shouldn’t. But she is so enthusiastic and, frankly, it is has been a hard few months for all. We sneak in popcorn and candy; we spend the money for the movie. She sits between her father and me. My son sits next to me. We enjoy the movie; she especially is excited and happy to be able to share the movie with her family. Family in a darkened movie theater, enjoying being together.
Monday, March 25, 2013
PAIL Bloggers - Monday Snapshot
I haven't participated in the Monday Morning Snapshot in a while...
Willow not being as cute as she was 2 seconds before I snapped this picture...in one of her new spring dresses. (One month from today, she will be officially a five year old!)
While the calendar says Spring, and this new dress says Spring...it is not really Spring like weather here yet in New England.
I think we are all looking forward to spring!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Lingering Effects
The leaves were falling from the great oak at the meadow's edge. They were falling from all the trees.
One branch of the oak reached high above the others and stretched far out over the meadow. Two leaves clung to it's very tip. "It isn't the way it used to be." said one leaf to the other.
"No,"the other leaf answered. "So many of us have fallen off tonight we're almost the only ones left on the branch."
"You never know who's going to go next, "said the first leaf. "Even when it was warm and the sun shone, a storm or a cloudburst would come sometimes, and many leaves were torn off, though they were still very young. You never know who's going to go next."
"The sun hardly shines now," sighed the second leaf, "and when it does, it gives no warmth. We must have warmth again."
"Can it be true," said the first leaf, "can it really be true, that others come to take our places when we're gone and after them still others, and more and more?"
"It really is true," whispered the second leaf. "We can't even begin to imagine it, it's beyond our powers."
"It makes me very sad," added the first leaf. They were very silent a while. Then the first leaf said quietly to itself, "Why must we fall?"
The second leaf asked, "What happens to us when we have fallen?"
"We sink down......." "What is under us?" The first leaf answered, "I don't know. Some say one thing, some another, but nobody knows."
The second leaf asked, "Do we feel anything, do we know anything about ourselves when we're down there?"
The first leaf answered, "Who knows? Not one of all those down there has ever come back to tell us about it."
Passages from Bambi... by Felix Salten written in 1928 * (cited at this website)
Maybe it was because a couple of our friends were over last night, a week night, a night like we would normally have for a Gaming Night...perhaps because they were part of the gaming group. Or because we sat at the dinner table and ate dinner versus our routine lately of sitting in the living room with t.v. trays eating dinner. Perhaps it has been in her mind, sitting there, waiting its chance to bubble out.
Appros of anything, she says "I miss Lily. I miss Paul." I hug her and tell her we all do.
And then, later as we snuggle on the couch, before bedtime..."I won't ever let you die, okay, Mommy?" I explain that it not up to her, that all living things die. But that I won't die for a long, long time. The Boy helpfully points out that when she is my age, I will probably be dead.
As I said in an earlier post, I am reading Bambi to her at night. Of course (because it seems everything must be a reminder of mortality, because I hadn't read the chapter before--Chewy had, because of fate or coincidence...or...), the passage I read last night was the conversation between two leaves. I openly cried, thinking deep thoughts. As my daughter innocently asked me why.
One branch of the oak reached high above the others and stretched far out over the meadow. Two leaves clung to it's very tip. "It isn't the way it used to be." said one leaf to the other.
"No,"the other leaf answered. "So many of us have fallen off tonight we're almost the only ones left on the branch."
"You never know who's going to go next, "said the first leaf. "Even when it was warm and the sun shone, a storm or a cloudburst would come sometimes, and many leaves were torn off, though they were still very young. You never know who's going to go next."
"The sun hardly shines now," sighed the second leaf, "and when it does, it gives no warmth. We must have warmth again."
"Can it be true," said the first leaf, "can it really be true, that others come to take our places when we're gone and after them still others, and more and more?"
"It really is true," whispered the second leaf. "We can't even begin to imagine it, it's beyond our powers."
"It makes me very sad," added the first leaf. They were very silent a while. Then the first leaf said quietly to itself, "Why must we fall?"
The second leaf asked, "What happens to us when we have fallen?"
"We sink down......." "What is under us?" The first leaf answered, "I don't know. Some say one thing, some another, but nobody knows."
The second leaf asked, "Do we feel anything, do we know anything about ourselves when we're down there?"
The first leaf answered, "Who knows? Not one of all those down there has ever come back to tell us about it."
Passages from Bambi... by Felix Salten written in 1928 * (cited at this website)
Maybe it was because a couple of our friends were over last night, a week night, a night like we would normally have for a Gaming Night...perhaps because they were part of the gaming group. Or because we sat at the dinner table and ate dinner versus our routine lately of sitting in the living room with t.v. trays eating dinner. Perhaps it has been in her mind, sitting there, waiting its chance to bubble out.
Appros of anything, she says "I miss Lily. I miss Paul." I hug her and tell her we all do.
And then, later as we snuggle on the couch, before bedtime..."I won't ever let you die, okay, Mommy?" I explain that it not up to her, that all living things die. But that I won't die for a long, long time. The Boy helpfully points out that when she is my age, I will probably be dead.
As I said in an earlier post, I am reading Bambi to her at night. Of course (because it seems everything must be a reminder of mortality, because I hadn't read the chapter before--Chewy had, because of fate or coincidence...or...), the passage I read last night was the conversation between two leaves. I openly cried, thinking deep thoughts. As my daughter innocently asked me why.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Unexpected Benefits
She asks me to come up to snuggle with her in her new bed. She never slows down during the day (is she sick?).
Usually it is "come play with me" or lately singing and dancing (she is so good with both--so much so that when she does it at an inopportune moment, I cannot stop her as easily as a "good parent" should...)
Right now...in the middle of a Sunday, when we have just finished a busy social day out...she has asked me to snuggle.
We go up to her newly re-arranged room, to her new twin sized bed. A bed that I can lay on too.
And she fusses with books and toys while we lay. It is the typical thing with her--perpetual motion. I sigh and lay with her in her bed. I read to her we snuggle under her new sheets and comforter.
She gets up to get a juice box. I lay on her bed and look around at her room in a new perspective. I close my eyes, wishing she would actually take a promised nap with me.
She comes back, drinks her juice box, while we read another book.
Then she lays back with me--finally ready to just relax and snuggle. Then the cat comes in. But he comes up to snuggle too. He lays between us while we rub his head and chin, pet his back. It is wonderful and peaceful and an unexpected part of the day.
Usually it is "come play with me" or lately singing and dancing (she is so good with both--so much so that when she does it at an inopportune moment, I cannot stop her as easily as a "good parent" should...)
Right now...in the middle of a Sunday, when we have just finished a busy social day out...she has asked me to snuggle.
We go up to her newly re-arranged room, to her new twin sized bed. A bed that I can lay on too.
And she fusses with books and toys while we lay. It is the typical thing with her--perpetual motion. I sigh and lay with her in her bed. I read to her we snuggle under her new sheets and comforter.
She gets up to get a juice box. I lay on her bed and look around at her room in a new perspective. I close my eyes, wishing she would actually take a promised nap with me.
She comes back, drinks her juice box, while we read another book.
Then she lays back with me--finally ready to just relax and snuggle. Then the cat comes in. But he comes up to snuggle too. He lays between us while we rub his head and chin, pet his back. It is wonderful and peaceful and an unexpected part of the day.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Big Girl Bed!
It has been about 8 weeks since we picked it out at the furniture store, but today was the day Willow got her new bed!
She helped pick it out at the furniture store (she "helped" but did not dictate--otherwise the bed would have been PINK!)
A week ago I had her pick out bedding. Today...it arrived and she was so happy to have it!
(The pictures with my cell phone do not do it justice--also points out to me that she needs another lamp in her room...)
She helped pick it out at the furniture store (she "helped" but did not dictate--otherwise the bed would have been PINK!)
A week ago I had her pick out bedding. Today...it arrived and she was so happy to have it!
(The pictures with my cell phone do not do it justice--also points out to me that she needs another lamp in her room...)
Just arrived and assembled, came this morning, so she was still in pjs.
Kif was the second one on the bed! He had to explore!
Willow and I spent time re-arranging her room and putting things on her headboard shelves. Willow wanted "books on the bottom shelves, toys on the top shelves"
Tonight I read to her from the first chapter book I am reading to her at bedtime (Bambi) and looked at the different perspective of the room, realized how different this little girl is from the baby that used to inhabit this bedroom.
P.S. HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
School Daze
This week, Chewy went to a parent orientation for incoming freshman for high school. Oh, wait, did I just type FRESHMAN in HIGH SCHOOL??
This week, Michael brought home a brochure from the high school. We have been spending this week going over what classes he will be taking in the fall. It seems so different (but yet the same) from when I was in high school. It is a bit more sophisticated, daunting and frustrating. I can tell that we as parents will need to be vigilant that he has the right classes to move him forward to higher learning/life. So far, classes have included Honors English and Honors Algebra, Physics, and surprisingly to me, Band. I worry about whether he will be able to deal with the more difficult class load (just reading the descriptions in the brochure, English requires 12 (count 'em) essays (not his strong suit) and one research paper. He will definitely be challenged. I think he is intelligent enough--I worry about his study habits and his ability to deal with the extra amount of time it will take. I also wonder about whether his 504 will be in place -- yeah, that is something I will have to look into...
Also this week--I received Willow's registration to KINDERGARTEN. My gosh, I had forgotten how much crap you have to go through just to register your kid! Proof of residency, birth certificate, registration packet, etc....now I know what I will be dealing with in my "spare" time! Not to mention the fact that, well, geez...Time doesn't seem to be standing still!! My little baby is going to be Five in a little over a month. And in September--starting school!!
I am gonna be a mess in September.
This week, Michael brought home a brochure from the high school. We have been spending this week going over what classes he will be taking in the fall. It seems so different (but yet the same) from when I was in high school. It is a bit more sophisticated, daunting and frustrating. I can tell that we as parents will need to be vigilant that he has the right classes to move him forward to higher learning/life. So far, classes have included Honors English and Honors Algebra, Physics, and surprisingly to me, Band. I worry about whether he will be able to deal with the more difficult class load (just reading the descriptions in the brochure, English requires 12 (count 'em) essays (not his strong suit) and one research paper. He will definitely be challenged. I think he is intelligent enough--I worry about his study habits and his ability to deal with the extra amount of time it will take. I also wonder about whether his 504 will be in place -- yeah, that is something I will have to look into...
Also this week--I received Willow's registration to KINDERGARTEN. My gosh, I had forgotten how much crap you have to go through just to register your kid! Proof of residency, birth certificate, registration packet, etc....now I know what I will be dealing with in my "spare" time! Not to mention the fact that, well, geez...Time doesn't seem to be standing still!! My little baby is going to be Five in a little over a month. And in September--starting school!!
I am gonna be a mess in September.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Growing Up
When our friend died, Michael never cried. He was sad, but he did what he normally does--internalized his emotions. He is often stoic and a loner type, a personality and Aspergers trait. It is hard to get into his emotional core sometimes.
Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I heard him cry. That awful cry of heartache and grief and loss. I could tell by his cries that it was not just for the loss of Lily (who he had gotten extra close to), but also the BIG thoughts of early adult hood...mortality and all that entails.
Part of me was happy that something had reached his emotional core. A part of me was glad to see him grasping things that are hard, that at least this was a gentle entry into this part of life (and death).
But mostly--my heart ached for my son who was inconsolable.
He had a good cry, I held him and rubbed his back. He slept a little on the couch. He talked to his dad and he had a good long shower.
Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I heard him cry. That awful cry of heartache and grief and loss. I could tell by his cries that it was not just for the loss of Lily (who he had gotten extra close to), but also the BIG thoughts of early adult hood...mortality and all that entails.
Part of me was happy that something had reached his emotional core. A part of me was glad to see him grasping things that are hard, that at least this was a gentle entry into this part of life (and death).
But mostly--my heart ached for my son who was inconsolable.
He had a good cry, I held him and rubbed his back. He slept a little on the couch. He talked to his dad and he had a good long shower.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Broken Hearted
For a while, it looked liked Lily was adjusting to her new home. She even started to come up on the couch and sit with us in the evenings. She stayed in Michael's room a lot, but seemed to come down to eat and be a part of our family. She was brushed and loved.
But Chewy had noticed (more than I did) that the last week she had not been eating much. And she had stopped coming down to be with us. And she laid around a lot more. I have to say that being sick and the kids being sick, I really did not notice the signs of sickness in her. When Chewy said he wanted to take her to the vet, I was not totally convinced of it--I thought that perhaps she was just adjusting still.
But, evidence started to mount this morning and it was obvious something was wrong.
Chewy and Michael took her to the vet. Liver failure, possibly kidney failure. As I type, they are gently putting her down. I know that Chewy feels like we somehow failed Paul.
But, I think we did what we could for her. And she knew love from our family. It just wasn't enough for her. She was too old and set in her ways...and she missed him. I guess you could say she died of a broken heart.
I am glad we were able to be there for her. We will miss her.
But Chewy had noticed (more than I did) that the last week she had not been eating much. And she had stopped coming down to be with us. And she laid around a lot more. I have to say that being sick and the kids being sick, I really did not notice the signs of sickness in her. When Chewy said he wanted to take her to the vet, I was not totally convinced of it--I thought that perhaps she was just adjusting still.
But, evidence started to mount this morning and it was obvious something was wrong.
Chewy and Michael took her to the vet. Liver failure, possibly kidney failure. As I type, they are gently putting her down. I know that Chewy feels like we somehow failed Paul.
But, I think we did what we could for her. And she knew love from our family. It just wasn't enough for her. She was too old and set in her ways...and she missed him. I guess you could say she died of a broken heart.
I am glad we were able to be there for her. We will miss her.
Michael saying good bye.
Thursday, March 07, 2013
PAIL Bloggers - 20 Questions
I haven't participated in a PAIL Blogger thread in a while (oh, I think before the Gall Bladder of Doom...), so thought this was a great way to re-introduce myself...
- What was the last thing you threw in the garbage/recycling? McDonalds containers, empty diet coke can and a LOT of used tissues (home with two sick kids--who barely ate their chicken nuggets)
- What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Lately, that would be this song. Been a bit under the weather and depressed lately--so that seems to match my feelings.
- What is your favorite quote? It would have to be Eddie Izzard...there are so many...but my favorite would probably be: "
I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less." - What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Taking the clean dishes out of the dishwasher. (I thought it would be dealing with the cat litter--but you know, I think I really hate doing the clean dishes out of the dishwasher more...)
- What is your favorite form of exercise? Using an ellipitcal machine! Love those things! (Wish I had one...)
- What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? Geez...this is a tough one, especially since I am home with sick kids today... Time of the day: Late evening Day of the Week: Saturday Month of the Year: June.
- What is on your bedside table? A pair of jeans, some comic books, a throat drop, and a couple books.
- What is your favorite body part? Eyes.
- Would you use the power of invisibility for good or evil? Elaborate. Oh, evil. Pure evil. Cuz why the hell not?! :-) I would like to say that I am good at heart--which I am, generally. But really--being invisible...I think that would give me a license to be bad. (Its always the quiet loner types). And what would I do...oh, like I would tell ya! ;-)
- If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? I think I would want to transfer that to be a certain "time" of our lives together. And it would be summer 2 years ago.
- What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Pay off all our debt, pay off our mortgage and move. (Oh and world peace and all that...)
- What is your biggest pet peeve? People not RSVPing (formally or informally)
- If you could know the answer to any question, what would it be? How to cure cancer.
- At what age did you become an adult? I think around the time we bought our house...so about 28/29.
- Recommend a book, movie, or television show in three sentences or less. Avengers! Excelsior!
- What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? Think that I knew it all.
- What was the first album you bought with your own money? Thriller
- If someone wrote a book about you, what would be the title? My Boring Geek Life
- What story do you wish your family would stop telling about you? The time I was legimately upset that there were no candles on my birthday cake. (not bitter)
- True or false: The unicorn is the greatest mythical creature. State your case. False. While being a horse person growing up, unicorns did not fascinate me. And while they are very interesting to read about, mythically speaking, I think you get more bang out of your mythical creatures with a Chimera. And for gosh sakes, the last unicorn was voiced by Mia Farrow! And couldn't fight a red bull!!
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
Tired of Sick...
Last Wednesday, I had a temperature and stayed home sick...not sure what I had (frankly, still have something), thinking sinus infection.
Well, Sunday Chewy got it...and he has been miserable most of this week.
And as if to tempt fate, my boss asked me about the kids yesterday--had they gotten sick or were we lucky? Well, guess what--now I have been home today with not one, but TWO sick kids!
Luckily, I don't think they are too bad off--more worried about Michael actually, as he has been sleeping in all day today.
Hopefully, tomorrow everyone will be at school and work. I still have a stuffed nose and an occassional cough--but I would say I am at 80%. I hope everyone will recover faster.
Since November we have had bouts of sickness...I am sure my boss thinks I am some type of "cry-sick" person...but it really has been a rough five months! I hope this is it for the Sick for now--cuz I am tired of it!
Well, Sunday Chewy got it...and he has been miserable most of this week.
And as if to tempt fate, my boss asked me about the kids yesterday--had they gotten sick or were we lucky? Well, guess what--now I have been home today with not one, but TWO sick kids!
Luckily, I don't think they are too bad off--more worried about Michael actually, as he has been sleeping in all day today.
Hopefully, tomorrow everyone will be at school and work. I still have a stuffed nose and an occassional cough--but I would say I am at 80%. I hope everyone will recover faster.
Since November we have had bouts of sickness...I am sure my boss thinks I am some type of "cry-sick" person...but it really has been a rough five months! I hope this is it for the Sick for now--cuz I am tired of it!
Monday, March 04, 2013
Total Con 2013
Not too soon after we got to the hotel, we found friends!
For Friday afternoon, Michael had a minatures game called Monster Smash! (Basically, playing as all the Godzilla monsters smashing a model city). I had an afternoon role playing game--I figured out a key thing to defeat the main monster--and then blew my dice role by ONE point! soo...um, I did not survive...well, only one of our party survived...that is COC after all....
After dinner (pizza in the room), Chewy went to his game and me and the kids went to see a Rocky Horror type showing of the Buffy musical....
Willow with a Willow shirt. Face painted.
Did not see much of Michael during the weekend. He was playing games and mainly hanging out with friends at the video game room. Every so often we would pop in to make sure he was okay--and he would occassionally come up for air to get some snack food from our room...
One of the highlights for him was to play an old style D&D game GM'd by one of the legends, Frank Metzner. I had finished up my game that night and they were just finishing up (around 12:30 a.m.)
Willow had fun playing classic board games, playing in the pool, exploring the hotel...
and hanging out watching television and eating grapes and snack foods in bed!
Everyone had a fun time and we each had a highlight. As usual, though, when you are having fun...the time went by so quickly!
Soon it was Sunday morning, and we were having our breakfast before our last hours of Total Confusion.
Until Next Year!!
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