Enough

I try not to get into the fray too much on this blog. Mainly because this blog is more of a general blog about parenting, infertility and my daily life. But sometimes I cannot keep thinking something without wanting to post it. So, if I offend anyone with this, realize its my opinion and your opinion can differ and you can write your opinion on your forum.

I am into celebrity death as much as the next person (okay, maybe a bit more--as previously stated on this blog, I follow this site.
However, I think the 24/7 coverage is going overboard. I don't get the HUGE public mourning. Mourning should be for his family and close friends. Fans and strangers can mourn so many other ways, I am unsure that this public display is suited for this particular man. This is a man who was a deeply flawed individual, someone who most probably molested children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED LOVED him when I was 12. I have a picture somewheres of me snuggling up to my poster of him on my bedroom wall. He was soo handsome then. His songs then were wonderful. I watched and watched those videos. But I grew up. And he did not. I found a moral balance in my life. He did not. Would I let this man near my children?? Not for all the money in the world. So yes, it is sad that he died. It is tragic. It is also tragic that no one could seem to help him (read Lisa Marie's blog--very sincere). But frankly, he is dead. Let's mourn him by playing his songs and move on.

Show & Tell # 38

This new day for Show & Tell is kicking my butt...so, I...uh...I am the one with a Geode....

Hmmm...okay...

Not only do we like board games and going to gaming conventions, but we love video games. We have an X-Box, a Wii and a tricked out PC for computer games. PARENTAL NOTE: I do limit video game (and television) time. But I also LOVE playing games and watching movies/television with my kids. I think we do a great job striking a balance.

I have gotten video games for my birthday, and currently Michael and I have gotten back into one of the games I got for a birthday present--
Spongebob Squarepants Battle of Bikini Bottom. Husband is playing a PC game right now, a game called Knights of the Old Republic . He says "Yes, its a five year old game, but it just is really good!" (He even bought it for the X-Box for me a few years back, so conceivably we could play a different game of the same game at the same time!! (Yep, we are geeks)

We really love our Wii, and lately we have been playing with our Wii Fit and Rock Band (which we got last year for husband's birthday).

Willow likes it too!


Click to see who else is Showing & Telling.

Last Day of School - Updated

Michael has a half day of school today. Last day of Fourth Grade. I gotta tell ya, Fourth Grade was hell. I am sure the teacher felt the same way, but the past few weeks have been dragging, and I am probably more happy school is out than my son is!

Last night we went out to dinner and he celebrated...



With a Root Beer!

Dinner was good, at an old place we hadn't been in years and we met my brother and SIL there. It was a bit late, so Willow was a bit fussier than normal...and Michael was "STARVING" and ate pretty much a whole plate of popcorn shrimp...and a cheeseburger. (But was full enough not to have the ice cream dessert that came with his meal).

UPDATE:

This last week they had to write an essay, really a letter, to their (unknown) fifth grade teacher. Here is Michael's:



It reads:

"Dear Fifth Grade teacher,

My name is Michael ____________. I am ten years old and was born on February 21, 1999. I cannot wait for fifth grade.

I am a very interesting and fun person. I like playing "Dungeons and Dragons" (or D&D for short). In D&D you fight monsters and find treasures in dungeons. I also like going Geocashing with Ana. Geocashing is when you look for cashes or journals hidden by other cashers in woods. I love watching Star Wars and playing video games like Spongbob Squarepants Battle for Bikini Bottom." I like doing karate and playing at Horn Pond with my family. I like doing many fun things.

I am a great student. I am a smart, wise, artful and fun student. My favorite subject is science. I like learning about electronics and the human body. I learn best by studying and practicing. I also like learning about art. I am a fun student.

I am looking forward to the fifth grade. I am very excited to have a new teacher. I'll make new friends in your class and will like learning new things. I will like exploring my new classroom. This next school year will be great!

Sincerely,

Michael"

Father's Day 2009

We let dad sleep in, then brought him cards and gifts. Then took him out to one of his favorite resturants for breakfast. Unfortunately, the weather was not very helpful, very rainy and cold, but Willow got to wear her rain coat, and we did spend the rest of the day snuggled in the house, having popcorn and watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (2nd time for Michael, billionth time for dad and mom).


Getting ready to go surprise dad. Michael wore his Cthullu shirt just for dad. I dressed Willow in a dress because I know dad loves her in dresses. She is touching a bow, which did not last too long.


Willow enjoying the card Michael gave him...its a Darth Vadar card that talks and says "I am your Father".


Blue paper in the foreground is a fingerpainting made by both children.

Show & Tell #37

On a whim, I decided we would make homemade pizzas for dinner last night. I remember doing this with my family when I was a kid, but I had never done it with Michael before.


Michael and I don't like pepperoni (dad does), but Michael wanted the cheese pizza to have a face...




And then Michael wanted to be silly...



The finished product.

They tasted good. I think next time I will be more creative with the toppings, however.


Click to see who else is Showing & Telling.

Impressions

Willow fell asleep on my arm yesterday. As I picked her up to move her, I noticed this impression on my arm.




What a wonderful companion to this, the first time I ever saw her ear...
















After I moved her--I had to have her come with me to pick up her brother after school--she was still so sleepy--to the point that I put her on the floor (to try and wake her up) and she stayed asleep and rolled under the table.


I am sometimes in awe of what I have been lucky to receive.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Conflicted - Updated

Ever since Michael was 5 months old, I have been working. I did have a day off in the middle of each week, my "Mommy Day" with him until he started kindergarten. Since he started school, the options during the summer have slowly turn to summer day camps. Which are mostly fun for him. But, they are more structured summer time than when I was a child. When I was a child, I did not get to go on field trips, but I did get to hang around the house, climb in the woods and play with the neighborhood kids. I often bemoan the fact that my children will never have that type of summer off.

When I found myself unemployed in March, I originally thought that I would hopefully be employed by June/July. But May dragged on with prospects drying up, agencies telling me that there was nothing much out there and that the summers, which are generally slower anyways wasn't looking too good either. So, I started to prepare for a summer off with the kids. And I was looking forward to it. I scheduled Michael into summer camp a couple of weeks (to stave off boredom and give me some sanity time) and I was getting ready to sign Willow up for My Gym classes; Michael for a Science Camp (which runs for a week at 3 hours in the morning--something I could not normally have done on a work schedule). I bought arts and crafts to play with, I was thinking about all the field trips we could do, and I was gearing up to spend some wonderful time with my kids.

And NOW, on the edge of it--two possible jobs on the horizon. One that sounds like a good fit--but I don't have an interview yet, just a "they liked your resume". Another just popped up today with an aggressive staffing agent (who I have never heard of) calling me out of the blue for an "immediate" opening--of which I know next to nothing. They are so aggressively interested that I told them I could not meet with them until Tuesday because I don't have daycare on Mondays and they said to "bring her along" for a meeting. My immense gut doesn't like to be pushed into things...but I am willing to find out what the job is...

So. The first thing I felt when this person called me this morning? Not happy to get some movement on the job front. No. I tearfully worried about how my son would handle not having a lazy summer after all.

Of course, these possibilities could be nothing. Or something. And of course, I will pursue what is the best for me and my family in the long run. But...with some regret.

UPDATE:

I was able to do some detective work, and I think I found out where the job is (still not sure WHAT the job is). Some things from their website:
"...we're proud to have been named, for the second year in a row, one of the Best Places to Work in America by the Society for Human Resource Management and the Great Place to Work Institute.."
"...we would be missing the boat if we didn't reward our energetic, dedicated, impact-driven professionals with important benefits like:
Increased Firm Holidays (14 per year) so members can enjoy family time and really relax away from the office. Summer Hours on Fridays from Memorial Day to Labor Day. "

Hmmm...we shall have to see if the job they are offering is a fit, but this MAY actually be the family friendly environment I am looking for...

Show & Tell #36

One thing I am liking about summer -- S'mores!!

I especially like the fireside ones, but microwave ones work in a jiff...

Here are a couple pictures of when we first did microwave s'mores (Michael was like four, I think).





I got the fixin's people!


Click to see who else is Showing & Telling.

Silence and Thoughts

Things not said but thought.
Silence but not peace.
Quiet but little done.
Thoughts racing, heart pumping. Life goes on. But stops for a quiet moment. Between the moments--worry, cautious optimism, reasoning, guilt and happiness.
Time is our enemy. Time is our friend.
Accomplishments are limited by our time.
Our time together and apart; in the same room, but worlds apart.
Rainy, cold day, brings out gloom, but still there is hope.
Still there is us.

Perfect Moment Monday

Hearing both children playing in the other room. Realizing that each is getting something in return for this tentative, growing relationship. More than any other reason, this was why I wanted another child.



Click here for more Perfect Moments.

Show & Tell #36

This week's Show & Tell is about Geocaching. In case you don't want to click over, essentially Geocaching is a combination of hiking and treasure hunting. I especially love the hiking aspect, and it is something that my friend Ana and I can do with my son Michael. He likes the treasure hunting aspect of it. Yesterday was a great day for it. We went out and hiked along a local pond. We had information on where a Cache had been hidden and we were using Ana's GPS to find it. It was an enjoyable hike, the weather being somewhat cool (sweatshirt weather--my favorite type!). Being spring still, it was wonderful to see all the blossoms, the new life--baby ducks, geese, swans. We saw all sorts of wildlife, including a woodchuck, some chipmunks and squirrels.

I really enjoy nature trails and hiking, and I really needed the exercise, too!

Things we also saw along our hike (all pictures taken by my phone):

A ruined house in the midst of the woods. Wow, if I had been a child living around here, I would have been at this ruin every day! It was way cool!


Geese with their babies.




Oh, and Michael found his first Geocache!



We opened the container, looked at the swag (various little trinkets, etc.). If you want something from the container, you have to swap items. Even if you do not swap items, you do enter your name into a log book which is in the container and then you put the container back.

Later, we went to the local ice cream parlor and Michael had ice cream and we hid our own cache somewhere near the ice cream place.

I really had fun and look forward to doing more Geocaching with my son and friend.



Click to see who else is Showing & Telling.

Deep Thoughts on a Wednesday

"The uterus is amazing...what I wish to know is the story of her uterus. I wish I could ask her: Children, Eve? Joy? Heartbreak? Catastrophe? Passion? Power? I see this small space of hers and wonder how, if at all, it was tied to who she was, to the life she led. I wonder if her bodily womanhood was centered here or someplace else, more subtle, that I would never guess. Nonetheless, I reach into her to touch this space she never saw and wish I could offer it a blessing." --Body of Work: Meditations on Mortality from the Human Anatomy Lab by Christine Montross

I read the above passage this morning as I finished this amazing book. It made me think of infertility and the community and how our bodies can fail us, can surprise us. How my journey and my life was shaped by my uterus. By hormone injections and lab work. By a dish in a lab and a person injecting my husband's sperm into my egg. And then, somehow, that fertilized embryo implanted and grew and became the waddling, talking, screeching toddler before me. How my body did that. How science did that. How I do not even see, nor will I fully understand the inside of my own reproductiveness that has produced these two people who are so important in my life.

Reading this book has made me very reflective (how could it not--"meditations on mortality" is part of the title!). This morning, my son hopped into bed with us and snuggled in for the last 40 mins of sleep before we had to get up and get him to school. I spent a good 10 mins examining his ear, his cheek. His stillness...considering he is ALWAYS in motion, it is so quiet and peaceful. I want to drink this in. I want to remember his elbow and arm. His ten year oldness.

It is summer and I always find myself reflective during this time. It is partially because the cycle of life has come around again in Spring and I can see life and wonder all around me. It is partially because my Grammie's birthday is in June and her death date is in July; that her strokes were in August; that my FIL died in August...summer months do not always bring the best news in my family...

My own mortality and the mortality of my husband shines in the faces of my children. My lack of progress on the losing the baby/depression weight becomes more urgent as I long to see my children grow. But yet I want time to stand still.

I start to reflect on how my life is going lately. I can only think of the opening from one of my favorite books:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way— in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only." -- A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

Yes, I am comparing my life to a classic novel on the French Revolution...but it is how I feel. This year has been and still will be one of the toughest I have ever had to face. I am unemployed, depressed and stressed. My family is in turmoil. But we have found happiness and fun in even the most depressing situations. My family is strong. My family is happy. My family is sad, but not broken or beaten. I find myself happy for the small moments and recoiling from the large overwhelmingness of the rest.

I long for distance from this time. But don't want to let it go either.

Okay, She's not getting too Girly, But...

I just bought her some bows...and she has a little girl doll...






(She can still be like her mom and be a Tomboy, right?!)