Friday, October 23, 2015

Reconcile

Looking at his yearbook, the one he just got, the one for last year.  The one that is not like a "typical" yearbook.  Entries that include students who barely speak, whose entries state so-and-so has "made progress this year in socialization".  Teachers and therapists and counselors.

I try to reconcile my child with this.  He is not like " them".  But he is not "typical" either.  He is quirky and different, but not so obvious...but yet he can be.  He is not defined by his Aspergers.  Yet, in the last few years, he has been.

It has taken me a long time to even consider myself a "special needs mom".  I cannot see myself as one most of the time, just like it is hard for me to reconcile my son to being a part of this private school community.  A community that he needs, that he is doing so much better with.  That is there for his needs....but...I sometimes look at things like the yearbook...and see the mirror image...the distant image of " typical" and "normal".  I sometimes long for it.

And then...I look at how much this change..this school and its special accommodations have helped him so much in the last year.  How much he was suffering at the " normal" school.  And I stop myself from longing for something that was only an illusion anyway.

We are all on our own paths in life.  My son's path may be harder than most, but is it also being forged well and with care.  It was not the path any of us chose, but it is the path we are on...so we damned well should make it the best way we can.

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