Stuck in Limbo...
Not sure the next steps...
I spent the weekend in a funk, especially Sunday. Monday was 20 years since Chewy's dad passed away unexpectedly. 20 years since my Grammie almost came to visit me in my new life, before she had the first of many strokes.
Twenty years and so much has changed, yet stayed the same. Sometimes I just feel alone...and the losses make me feel even more alone. Sometimes I feel like I am so overwhelmed and I wish I had someone to carry the burden...and then I realize that the someone who is carrying the burden for others...is me.
Sometimes we just need to catch a break. Sometimes we do not. Sometimes we do and we don't know it.
The roller coaster of life...I sometimes love it. And sometimes I want to get off of it.
(I wonder if I need to be medicated; then I tell myself I do not)
Maybe its seasonal or generational. I definitely can tell I am having "feeling old" moments, and yet I am young.
I am out of shape, but I am working on getting back my exercise routine. I am happy but weary.
Things are good...but not great...things could be getting worse.
We have our health (for now, I think)
We have each other.
The summer is spinning out of control and most of the things I love to do I have not done yet. (Really, do I have to have a list, must things always be the same/different?)
Well, you know what...there is always time (until there isn't)...
I want to read more, but there seems to be no time...its almost a year since Robin Williams died...is everything going to be all right...why are there so many Republican candidates...why is Elizabeth Warren not running...maybe she will...where is my license plate that I ordered...I am so sick of packing lunches for summer camp.
You know what--she is back in from playing outside. Her cheeks are red and she is happy and she makes me forget my fears and worries. There is just now with my little girl...
and it is enough.
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