Stunned

Throughout my day today, there were times when I could not believe that he wasn't here in the world.  It just is so typical of death...you know, to point out how quickly one could be...and then not be.

I think this is the first death of a friend close to my age for me.  Well, at least close to my middle age to me.

Death is never fun at any age, but I guess when I was younger, when a friend died...it was tragic and almost sensational.  I was young and young people feel so immortal.  It is a rarity. I want to say it was easier to move on, but I don't know if that is what I mean...maybe I just think it was easier to move on because I am so far removed from those deaths now.

Our friend was not that much older than us.  And being in the middle of life...well, it definitely makes the "coulda been me"s more easier to see.  I guess that is part of it.  Although I think most of it is...he was here.and now he is gone.

It was too quick.  Too sudden.  And I think we are in shock still.  He is really.gone.

Tonight, we had a couple of friends over and we gave a toast to him.  With our kids there, because he was a part of their lives too.  (Willow was so Anya like...and also liked to keep doing toasts....)

We talked about his passing, what little we know...we discussed what will happen to his cats and his radio controlled planes...but mainly, mainly we were silent.  It was too soon to discuss memories of him, because he should be here.

Like he has been many other times.