Tuesday, July 10, 2007

A small lie

This morning, Michael was talking about whether we were going to "do that thing where you try to get pregnant again". He has been mainly wanting a baby brother or sister, but today he said "maybe you shouldn't do it" with that sly look of a kid who knows that he gets his way a lot. We told him that we were going to try again, and he asked why and we told him how wonderful he is and how we want another child just like him (and then we joked about how much he has grown, why won't he stay our little baby, etc.).

Then the lie: I said, "You know, it will be nice to have a little brother or sister, but if it doesn't happen, that will be okay too."
And my heart sunk. I know that was the right thing to say, and I almost think I could make that statement real. But not yet. It hurts to think that we could not provide him with a brother or sister. It hurts to think that all the milestones of the past 8 years are all we will ever have.


Drowned Girl said...

I have had many such conversations with my son, even continuing with the line that we would try "to plant a seed" and see if it grew, when I was already pregnant via DE... just reluctant to tell him, after so many losses and letdowns.

Bea said...

The lies we tell when we want to gloss over the complications of life. Nice choice for the creme de la creme.


Jen said...

Thank you for writing this. I have tears in my eyes.

Kathy V said...

I came via the creme. Sometimes a lie is the best way to mask our true feelings at the time. It is easier to tell a child it would be okay if it doesn't happen rather than to admit that your heart would break if it didn't. A child also wouldn't know how to react to the latter statement because grown adults don't know how to react to it either. Good post and it is okay that you lied a little.