Target Practice - CD 7 - Now Updated with Small Gripe

I now have a nice bruise on my right arm--a perfect target for them to keep sticking the needle in for bloodwork. Had another bloodwork and Ultrasound today. There were 8 follicles on my right ovary (average was about 12)--8 more below 10. My left ovary is a lazy bastard...last time they couldn't find it, now they did and Lefty only had 6 follicles (averaging about 10)--4 more below 10. I asked if this was normal--the tech said it was a good ultrasound for day 7. So, we shall see what the bloodwork tells them...I am a bit worried about ole' Lefty--during egg retrieval last time, Lefty seems to like to hide behind the uterus, and they couldn't retrieve many eggs from there (too hard to reach). Also worried about retrieval because last time they said I had an irregular heartbeat (which I had checked out and it was okay), but I think they said next retrieval they wanted me in a hospital for the retrieval (I say I "think" cuz they told me this after the procedure--I am kinda fuzzy on details...). Oh well, we will cross that bridge when we get to it...now, GROW follies---GROW!

Update - Rant: So, one of the things I HATE about IVF--the feeling like I am pregnant when I am so not. Right now, I feel kinda like I felt when I was preg with Michael. I had a realitively easy pregnancy (no morning sickness, etc.) until the last month (then bed rest, pregnancy hypertension, induction, etc.). The point being, my first tri-mester felt like how I feel now--I feel bloated, weighted down, have no energy, hormonal. I hate that there are so many symptons that are vague--that can mean so many things--not to mention during the 2WW...I hate "feeling" pregnant when it may or may not happen. Its like seeing the yummy chocolate cake, but not getting to taste it, just getting the stomache ache--what a RIP.

AND....its off to the Races!

Okay, the protocol is in! Antibiotics for all! Tonight I start Lup.ron, I start Gonal/FSH tomorrow. Shots in the morning, shots in the evening, shots at supper time!!

Okay, so I am a little giddy...and apprehensive. And, is it just me, but even the second time around, I am a little unsure what the hell I am doing?

CD 1 Tomorrow...I think

I knew it was coming, as my chocolate cravings (and intake of chocolate) has gone up...so I wasn't surprised that AF started...but not full flow, so waiting to call the clinic. Hopefully, by tomorrow morning I will be able to call the Monitoring room and get this cycle going. Which would be good because we are going away for the weekend (not far -- about an hour away, but I frankly don't wanna even try to have to drive back for blood work on Saturday or Sunday). Although it should be fun packing--Husband's pills, Michael's swim suit, my medications and needles. (Oh, not to mention if I have to order a refrig for the room). Fun!

We are going to a gaming convention: Open Gaming Convention. We go to one in February and this one in July. It's pretty fun, there are events for everyone...role-playing games for husband, board games and card games for me and youth games (including a Wii bowling tournament) for Michael, and supposedly some LARPs (Live Action Role Playing) for all.

A good time to geek out with some fellow geeks.

Fly my little monkeys, Fly!

Sent out my first snail mail for the Braces club (hmm, never thought I would associate myself with braces again).
I look forward to receiving actual correspondence in the mail.

In other news, this is what I am wearing today:



It's a Dr. Who bracelet! See the tardis, a wolf for "Bad Wolf", a tardis key, and a rose for "Rose".

SQUEE! I like being geeky!

This Weekend

Was busy, fun, tiring, somewhat depressing, and hopeful. Here it is in no particular order.

My medications came via Federal Express Saturday. Now I just have to wait for AF, which probably won't be for another 2 weeks. Great that we got that bit of hope, because that afternoon:

We went to a BBQ/Pool Party at a friends house. I love our friends, but...

I had a bit of a melt down before we went (although a nice hot bath helped). I really did not want to socialize, and they just had their THIRD child (all girls). I did not want to be stuck talking to a lot of women about babies and children and having babies and aren't they cute, etc.

The good news--it wasn't that bad (little talk of children, and NO talk of birth, etc.). HOWEVER, there were some moments. I wanted to help my friend out while she tried to get things going on the grill--so, she immediately asked if I could hold the baby. Which was not earthshatteringly hard, just kinda uncomfortable--I mean physically, I haven't held an actual small (3 mo.) baby in some time, and as I looked down I thought "I hope this next cycle makes this happen for me". Esp. since we both would like a little girl, it was kinda hard, but almost in a good way, like maybe this might be a lucky charm (?). The only really hard moment was later on, when I was watching the baby for her and a little boy came up and said "Is that your baby?"

Other than that, our friends were fun and we talked and husband got to play with an i-phone, and we had such fun (me included) that we were late for our next thing---an overnight at the Rhode Island zoo.

The zoo overnight was WAY fun. We got to see the animals at night, we got to sleep over in the education room (I heard the wolves howling in the middle of the night), and today we fed an elephant and a giraffe. Still, Michael's favorite moment was sleeping in his sleeping bag with all the families in the education room.

Came home exhausted today, but I guess what I am saying is that despite my persistent efforts to make myself miserable this weekend, I had a good weekend. And maybe I am a bit more hopeful for this cycle...

Who!

I liked Dr. Who when I was a kid. I remember watching it up in my room, having a vague sense of independence ("THIS was not a show my parents would watch--its British"). Dr. Who and Monty Python and Benny Hill were my intros to the U.K. Now we watch the new series of Dr. Who with Michael. It is so fun to get to watch a show like that with him. And lately, I have been watching the previous seasons (of the new Dr.s)on DVD while I bike in the morning. Since I bike for 20 mins. its more like the old style--serialized, and Michael hops into our bed to watch with us. It is very fun!

A small lie

This morning, Michael was talking about whether we were going to "do that thing where you try to get pregnant again". He has been mainly wanting a baby brother or sister, but today he said "maybe you shouldn't do it" with that sly look of a kid who knows that he gets his way a lot. We told him that we were going to try again, and he asked why and we told him how wonderful he is and how we want another child just like him (and then we joked about how much he has grown, why won't he stay our little baby, etc.).

Then the lie: I said, "You know, it will be nice to have a little brother or sister, but if it doesn't happen, that will be okay too."
And my heart sunk. I know that was the right thing to say, and I almost think I could make that statement real. But not yet. It hurts to think that we could not provide him with a brother or sister. It hurts to think that all the milestones of the past 8 years are all we will ever have.

The date's the thing...

Two years ago today, my Grammie died. Thirty-seven years ago today, my husband was born. Interesting how dates become markers of not only passage of time but of people and feelings.

My Grammie was won of the most influential people in my early life. My husband is one of the most influential people in my adult life.

GRAMMIE: She was quiet and reserved, kind and thoughtful. She had a sense of humor, but more one to appreciate a good joke than make one. She knew what was important in life--enjoying the here and now, including good food, good music. She loved the outdoors. My appreciation of all things in nature and the beauty of a beach, a tree, an animal in the woods...that is from her. My appreciation for a good book, one that takes you away from everything, would not be but for her. She was a doting Grandma, giving me, her only grand-daughter, anything I wished, but so much more than material things did I get from her. She was my mother in so many things. She taught me how to appreciate life and how to be happy for the things I have.

I miss her greatly, and I regret that the last few years of her life were not spent the way she would have liked them--in a rural cottage on a lake, enjoying the water and the wind and the trees.

HUSBAND: Meeting him was the best thing in my life. In college, when I was just starting to separate myself from my family, from my childhood. He was humorous and fun. Always quick witted and with a sparkle in his soft brown eyes. He sees the fun and interesting things in life. He likes to KNOW everything, and if he doesn't know about it, he will find out--whether its about science, science fiction, scientology, SCI, etc. He is always there for me and is always willing to help out a friend. He is a geek, a computer nerd and proud of it--as I am of him.

Vacation Memories...2007

Cape Cod was again our destination. Stayed at Cape Winds in Hyannis. While in the heart of the city part of Hyannis, the place was really nice. Very comfortable accomadations, although the sliding balcony door was having issues...

Short rundown of some of our activities:

Saturday: Pirates Cove mini-golf! Had fun and Michael especially enjoyed it. We have went to Pirate's Cove a couple times and its a really nice course with lots of fun facts and mock ups of Pirates. We also went to McKenney's in Falmouth. It's one of our favorite seafood restaurants--esp. good on the fried seafood. Then, on to Woods Hole and visiting the free aquarium.




Sunday: Father's Day! Michael and I made blueberry pancakes for Dad. We went to Eastham/Wellfleet for the day, hung out at the beach, hung out at the Red Barn (pizza, mini-golf, arcade, gift shop--something for everyone!). For father's day dinner--Eastham Lobster Pool--although under new management, the food was good (although not as good a selection as it used to have). We did notice a new restaurant we will have to try sometime--Marconi Beach BBQ. Then, we saw Fantastic Four 2 at the Wellfleet Drive-In.

Monday was a slow day, hanging out in Hyannis and going to a beach in Barnstable.

Tuesday: Provincetown! Always fun, and we got to go to one of our favorite beaches.



Then we went on a Sunset Dune Tour. Very beautiful and relaxing.

Wednesday was the only day that was not totally beautiful. We had some rain, but we had fun just hanging about the condo, and eventually went for a bit of a walk around Hyannis. We had breakfast at the Gourmet Brunch (yum). For dinner had our traditional meal at the condo of Lobsters and corn on the cob (supplemented with hamburgers and fries). Michael and Nana shared a lobster.

Thursday: Martha's Vineyard. Took the Island Queen ferry, enjoyed nice Mexican food at the Shark Shack.

Friday was breakfast at Perseys (one of our Favorites), then back home.

Very relaxing and fun, great weather, food and fun!