Shell Shocked

"The most common symptom is fatigue: slower reaction times, indecision, disconnection from one's surroundings, and inability to prioritize."

After all the planning, waiting, shots, and the final 2 week wait...this is what it comes down to for me. I am numb (might thave something to do with the plum wine and sake last night). I am tired of doing this. Yet wanting to "just get on" with IVF #2. I am tired of "wanting". Especially since I feel that sometimes that wanting makes me less able to enjoy the things I have, especially my son. And my son is wonderful. He is so damn curious and so intelligent. The first thing he said when I said that the test was negative: "So, you are not pregnant? So, you can try again, right?" Not a problem that can't be solved... And then I told him the best thing about this---I could pick him up again (gosh, he's 50 lbs!). I tried to put a positive swing on H and me going out for dinner (drinks)--"We are going to go out to celebrate the end of this cycle and the beginning of another one". My son would have none of that ---"Mom, that seems kinda silly!"

Anyways, posting this helps me get myself clear on these feelings, regardless of whether anyone reads this or not. And I do know that I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful son. And I look forward to a long weekend where I will not only try to recover myself but enjoy what things I have in life. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, I can face my life again, and look forward to cycle 2...