Recital!

This weekend was Recital weekend!  Willow took on a lot for the fall recital, as she was doing piano and voice lessons--she was part of the Tiny Trebles again (I think she is probably aging out of Tiny Trebles very very soon...)

Our weekend was dominated by the rehearsal and the recital. I had a few times of being a "stage mom" having to help her get into and out of costume and helping with props, etc.

Willow is actually very good at piano (although she suffers from practice-itis).  She played three songs and was a bit nervous (she did the typical nervous thing--she played her songs a bit faster than normal).

The singing group sang two songs -- one of which was "Let it Go" from Frozen...Willow visibly rolled her eyes (she had wanted to sing a song from Tangled instead, but was over ruled by the younger kids).  She definitely has a stage presence! 

Then--intermission--where I rushed back to the frenzy of nervous and harried people trying to put on a show....Willow and her fellow group singers were putting on a scene from Annie--with props and costume changes and SCENERY!

It was a big deal...and I was there to help with a costume change...and help her get her wig on...because by default, really...she was Annie...they had to learn lines, singing, blocking, handle props, etc. in ten weekly sessions (with some kids not always being there, etc....)  It was sloppy, Willow forgot one line (no one noticed) -- but, they pulled it off!  It was very cute as they sang "Its A Hard Knock Life!"  They did really well, she did very well!  (Maybe I can get her to do theater yet!)

Rehearsal the day before--getting costume on!  

New dress for recital and for the piano part...she was a bit nervous...also, she hates her hair up...but it needed to be up, so we could quickly get her in the wig!

She looks so different...and kinda like my mom when she was younger...

The curtain opens!  (I did not get many pictures, etc..cuz I was "helping")

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"Do you ever feel dead inside?"  -- this is what she said to a teacher in the hallway.  Promptly got a call from a counselor.  For the second time that day, I had to explain that recently, my mother died (and both times I cried...hmm...I think mom would be happy about that...) and that she is a old soul, thinks deep thoughts, etc. 

She talked to the counselor.  Said she often wonders about death.  Wonders if anyone would miss her when she is gone.  She sounds like me when I was a girl.  I tell the counselor about a time when I put her to bed at 6 years of age--and she said "I love you mommy, and I will keep you in my heart, even after you are dead."  Yeah.  Like me. 

Counselor said that she called me her hero, that she is comfortable talking to me, etc.  Counselor said that we are doing fine, all the right things, they just wanted to let us know.  Counselor agrees it could also be the time of year and hormones as well as the recent death.

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I talk with her.  It is all those things.  She misses grandma, she is worried about dying (and heck, she did not have to see her dying like I did---glad I made the decision not to have the children come those last few days).  I am sure the world we live in is not helping matters--to hear (even just in the background) about shootings and violence and hate...

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In the morning, driving her to school.  I talk about how yes, I have been a bit down lately too...perhaps we need to look at the positives in our lives and be Thankful (it being close to Thanksgiving and all...)

We both put our best attitudes on---and face another day. 

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Stray thoughts: 

• she may be my Wednesday Adams  (although, I was always more gleeful in my embrace of the macabre, she is more like a weary-worrier...maybe more like Linus...)
• she can be too empathetic
• she bounces back well
• time for some mom over drive
• she is my reader and deep thinker
• no advice needed, she is in therapy already (twice a month), a counseling group in school, we can reach out to hospice, etc.  We got this.
• every so often, my kids remind me of myself
• this holiday season may be tough

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Sometimes I am driving home from work and I think that mom should have called me by now.  She had a way of calling at the most aggravating times sometimes, but I would often call her back when I was driving home from work.  She also usually left voice mail messages that always sounded like there was something urgent that she needed to talk about---and usually...there wasn't.  She could be the most annoying, frustrating, needy person...she could also be thoughtful and sweet and caring.  The finality of death is frustrating and annoying, making one long for one last fucking annoying call from someone.

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Pictures and music and the time of year...well, time for the ghosts of the past to make their way in my memories...

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Halloween is over and it was wonderfully fun...but went by so fast!  I was so happy that this year, for just a little over an hour...we all went Trick or Treating as a family!  It was nice and fun!

Michael put together a great costume this year--and Willow kinda went with a more understated costume this year.

With that...our favorite holiday is over...and we brace ourselves for the onslaught of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannukah....etc.