Monday, October 28, 2013

False Sense of Security/Wits End

This year seems to be the year that things fall apart.  Whenever I feel like we have a handle on something, my grasp is taken away from me and I find myself at my wits end.  I am usually good under pressure.  I usually can keep my emotions in check (at least in public).

But.  The last few months, the last few weeks, the last few days.  I just don't know anymore.

I am trying to deal with various issues and things going on.  I am juggling and dropping the balls.  I am trying to keep it together, but crying in public.  I am trying and failing.  And trying and succeeding.  And failing.  And succeeding.  And falling again.

I am just tired.  I want to give up.  But I know I cannot do that.  I know that people need me.  My children need me, especially right now.  But I am tired.

I feel like we just do not have the support we need--and I know it is within our grasp--but it keeps being just out of reach.

I hope that this is just a phase. I hope that in two weeks I will feel differently.  I hope that things work out in the end.

Right now I am tender and raw and tired and angry and worried and wishing that I was a better person than I feel I am right now.


1 comment:

Life Happens said...

I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time. I read some of your previous posts from earlier this month. It sounds like you do have a lot going on. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. It's normal. And on those days that you feel like giving up, just think of the people in your life who need you the most...your family.

Keep your head up and keep plugging along my friend. I will keep you in my prayers. ((Hugs))