This year seems to be the year that things fall apart. Whenever I feel like we have a handle on something, my grasp is taken away from me and I find myself at my wits end. I am usually good under pressure. I usually can keep my emotions in check (at least in public).
But. The last few months, the last few weeks, the last few days. I just don't know anymore.
I am trying to deal with various issues and things going on. I am juggling and dropping the balls. I am trying to keep it together, but crying in public. I am trying and failing. And trying and succeeding. And failing. And succeeding. And falling again.
I am just tired. I want to give up. But I know I cannot do that. I know that people need me. My children need me, especially right now. But I am tired.
I feel like we just do not have the support we need--and I know it is within our grasp--but it keeps being just out of reach.
I hope that this is just a phase. I hope that in two weeks I will feel differently. I hope that things work out in the end.
Right now I am tender and raw and tired and angry and worried and wishing that I was a better person than I feel I am right now.