False Sense of Security/Wits End

This year seems to be the year that things fall apart.  Whenever I feel like we have a handle on something, my grasp is taken away from me and I find myself at my wits end.  I am usually good under pressure.  I usually can keep my emotions in check (at least in public).

But.  The last few months, the last few weeks, the last few days.  I just don't know anymore.

I am trying to deal with various issues and things going on.  I am juggling and dropping the balls.  I am trying to keep it together, but crying in public.  I am trying and failing.  And trying and succeeding.  And failing.  And succeeding.  And falling again.

I am just tired.  I want to give up.  But I know I cannot do that.  I know that people need me.  My children need me, especially right now.  But I am tired.

I feel like we just do not have the support we need--and I know it is within our grasp--but it keeps being just out of reach.

I hope that this is just a phase. I hope that in two weeks I will feel differently.  I hope that things work out in the end.

Right now I am tender and raw and tired and angry and worried and wishing that I was a better person than I feel I am right now.